Last night I was out with my best friend and two lads we’ve been friends with for years but one of them we hadnt seen for a very long time and we were catching up. We went back to one of our friends houses to listen to music and have a drink (spoke to my husband first and he was totally cool with it as we’ve been friends ages amd 3 out of 4 of us were in relationships anyway.)
The night was going well and we were all having a laugh and lots of banter flying round. (I’m autistic so naff at social situations but I’m now wondering if some of the banter was flirting). Towards the end of the night i went putside to wait for an uber, the friend we hadn’t seen in a long time tried to kiss me and I reminded him I was married, he said nobody would ever have to find out and tried to kiss me again, I moved my face away and he kissed my neck so I moved away and reiterated I’m married and nothing can happen between us and I got in my taxi and came home. Husband was asleep and has been at work today but I feel like this is something I need to tell him as if I hide it and he finds out later down the line its going to seem worse. What do I do here? Is telling him needless conflict or the right thing to do?
31 comments
Tell your husband before he does and spins thestory.
Tell your husband then
stop meeting up with this friend
Tell your husband NOW! This man is not a friend he is a player and you are on his radar. Saying “nobody has to know” is cunt behaviour.
If you don’t tell your husband this POS will start spreading rumours of how you liked it and how you came on to him. He wants to split you up for shitz and giggles.
I would not go to any event without your husband if he is going to be there.
Tell your husband and completely cut off that “friend” (spoiler: not a real friend)
He was clearly trying to get in your pants
Yes hiding even a 1 sided intimate moment/attempt at a moment will only come off as you protecting the friend and your friendship OVER your marriage.
It happening to you, not a betrayal, hiding it, keeping secrets with the friend from your husband will almost always be viewed as betrayal
yeah you beter tell him and stop seeing the dude too.. your best friend doesn’t respect you, your husband or that you are married. It’s not a friend at all.
It’s not your job to protect him emotionally from the behaviours of other people. It’s your job to make sure that you never lie to him. A lie of ommission is still a lie.
yes if you don’t he’ll won’t trust you
Lying will kill your marriage more than the kiss
Dude, you said no twice and this friend continued to push you? He’s a predator. Unless your husband is a total asshole there’s no way to spin this as you doing anything wrong, but you may want to tell him because it sounds like an upsetting situation in which someone you trusted broke that trust in an egregious way.
Why would you not tell him? It would seem super sketchy if you don’t so honestly is best
Friend 🫢
Hell yes you tell your husband and you tell him everything.
Also, this guy isn’t a friend. That ended second he tried to kiss you.
And the “nobody would ever have to find out” line – well now you know what type of guy this dude is. Not a good one.
Omg girl how would you feel if your husband’s friend did this to him and he was considering not telling you? You obviously need to tell him.
Eta: and don’t hang out with this shitty guy again. He’s no friend
If you don’t tell your husband and he ever finds out he’s not going to believe that you turned him down.
WAY better to hear it from you than the rumor mill.
Stories get twisted, narratives change, and people love false drama.
Absolutely tell your husband and together make a plan for you to talk to your friend on the phone and explain (while everyone is sober) what happened from your perspective, what was wrong and clear boundaries around if you will continue to be friends who visit in person. I’m making the assumption alcohol was involved. Best of luck. Secrets do not make a healthy relationship.
Not a friend
Yes, if you want your husband to trust you
I would totally tell my husband.
Yes, and you never speak to this friend again.
Tell your husband. It will be way worse if it comes out later. Say goodbye to the “friend”. And also, think about how it was possible he got the vibe that it would be ok to kiss you..
My best friend’s husband grabbed me at her 40th birthday party and kissed me. I hoped nobody saw, but asked to skip their Halloween party. Our daughters were also best friends.
Husband said, “You’re afraid he’ll try to get you alone in a closet.”
He saw. But family dynamics meant we saw the family, because her youngest was also in my son’s class.
I say talk to husband and decide together what to do.
Tell your husband. “I think we need to cut out Frank. He was really forward last night and it made me uncomfortable. He kept trying to kiss me even though I told him no, moved away from him, and reminded him we’re married. It was so strange.” You can add the part about him getting to your neck when you dodged, if you think it’s helpful. But be honest. And let him know that you do not want to be in that situation with this guy ever again.
Yes, two steps here. You tell your husband, and you never talk to that ‘friend’ again.
definitely tell him. if this comes from you, you can keep the story true and transparent! and if it comes from someone else, you’ll be in a trickier situation that might make your husband question his trust for you.
this is similar to the aubrey plaza storyline of white lotus s2. her husband persistently keeps the events of a crazy night with his friend a secret and insists nothing happened (and on his end, nothing did), but it eats away at aubrey plaza’s character and destroys her trust for him
I would definitely be telling your husband right now that way if this guy says anything to anyone your husband already knows if you didn’t tell him it could blow up in your face
Tell your other friends too, or he will
Tell him. He trusts you now but if he finds out you hid this from him, he would be correct to no longer trust you and would assume you hid it because you weren’t so innocent. And ditch the “friend” permanently
Tell your husband and block your now ex friend.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but if you withhold this information it can be used against and no one will believe you’re innocent.
Tell your Hubby asap.