I (29m) started seeing someone and we recently started having sex. The sex felt really good and I lasted a while; pleasuring her for 30-45 min. However, I didn’t finish and she’d asked if I ever have directly from PIV. I said no and have a case of death grip I’m still overcoming. She responded like really, that’s a problem. She finished me off after with her hand.
So one, I haven’t had a lot sex for my age but kind of don’t want to say that. I feel like it’s just experience thing and I can eventually train myself to finish from PIV with the right partner. And two, why would that be a problem? That made me feel a bit bad lol.
3 comments
It’s just a “problem” in that if you can only cum from one certain kind of stimulation, it makes it harder to enjoy a full range of sexual pleasure and experiences. If you mix things up a bit and work on the death grip, i think you’ll likely enjoy the subtleties of other things more. It’s not anything to feel bad about though.
It’s probably better to tell her the truth, as she now thinks the issue is different than what it is.
As for why it is a problem, that’s something you’d have to discuss with her, but it’s possible that she feels like you cumming is a form of affirmation, or that she enjoys the sensation of someone climaxing inside her etc.
I think you should be honest if it comes up, but be confident in yourself. There’s nothing wrong with having not very much sexual experience. And your relative lack of experience is not really the main thing. However, being in your head about it and worrying about cumming or not cumming, your “performance,” etc can ABSOLUTELY affect your ability to cum. A lot of sex is mental. Work on feeling confident and enjoying every part of a sexual encounter instead of focusing on “the finish line.”
You may need to talk to her about taking the pressure off. She may feel like it’s a sign that you’re not into her or not attracted, so being verbally complimentary towards her could help ease those fears. Tell her the things you find beautiful, sexy, and attractive about her. If that doesn’t help, just tell her you’re working on being less goal-oriented and that you love fucking her even if an orgasm doesn’t happen.