TLDR: I(30F) am having the same dilemma 14 years later about risking my friendship with my High School crush (30M) because I have feelings for him. This time my stepfather is also involved.
Back in High School I (30F) had this massive crush for one of my friends (30M). It lasted from when we were about 16 until I was 22 and we lost contact. I never said or did anything because I was terrified it would ruin not only our friendship but the friendship of our whole group. We had a pretty good experience in High School for a bunch of nerds.
Time went on, we stopped talking because life happens and I get over it, had my share of other experiences and crushes and that was it. We ended up reconnecting some years ago and texted sporadically until last year.
He came back to the city we lived in High School and went back to Uni. I don’t live there anymore, but return pretty often, because my mother is there, so we start hanging out, usually with some other friend from HS as well.
Also, turns out he was doing the same course as my step father (59M). They exchanged numbered and text sometimes about their course, work opportunities, online classes, etc. It’s clear to me that my stepfather really enjoys this talks, and he is happy to have someone with a similar interested.
But as we started seeing each other more often, I was reminded of why I had a crush on him in the first place. He is funny, he really pays attention to what you say, he is kind, his ideals are similar to mine. So, I found myself falling for him again.
I feel so stupid because I’m not the same person I was at 16 years old, but I have the same dilemma now, with the added bonus that I might ruin not only our little reunion group, but also my stepfather friendship. I don’t want that.
At the same time, I used to think I should’ve told him something before, at least for closure’ sake. He never give any signs that he might feel something for me, but then again neither did I, so the devil on my shoulder likes to remember me that he might have been hiding as well.
So here am I searching for advice. Should I risk mine and my stepfather’s friendship? Or should I just wait for this feelings to fade as they did before?
3 comments
Life if too short to not tell people how you feel. After all, the first time you didn’t tell him because you were worried it was going to mess up the friendship and you ended up just drifting apart naturally.
Just go for it. “I’m worried it will ruin my step-father’s friendship” is an excuse, not reason.
I think you should get an idea of what he thinks about you before you do anything- have you hung out one on one?
You don’t live near each other. There isn’t a reasonable path to a relationship here.
You are thirty.
You shouldn’t invest in a potential digital penpalship just to l cling to the hope that it could be something more in a far flung future.
Flirt with the dude. Hook up with the dude. But don’t even entertain the notion of entering into an exclusive relationship with someone who can’t be in your everyday life.