so the other night i tried something different. i put on red lipstick, mesh bra, lace thong, and heels. i thought i’d spice it up for him. it was all really good until we get to the bedroom and tried guiding his head down there. he came back up and said “i don’t really feel like doing that right now”. i said “you never do”. he immediately backed away from me and sat on the edge of the bed sulking. he couldn’t even get it up after that. we’ve been together for 8 months and he only went down on me the first 3 times we had sex. i feel insecure that he won’t considering he did for other girls before me. him doing this just made it even worse. why don’t i get to experience that?? he’s my first partner and i feel like that’s what’s missing in our sex life…my pleasure..

clarification: he talked about this a lot when we first started talking. he talked about how much he loves doing it. he also claimed that he would enjoy doing that but nothing else. he did it for the other girls, feels like it’s just me..

41 comments

  1. It’s obvious it’s not his thing so maybe it’s time for you to find someone that’s into that.

  2. I understand your frustration here for sure but you can’t force him into doing something he doesn’t want to do and it sounds like it’s not his thing – and just because he used to do it on other women doesn’t mean anything. He’s more than allowed to change his mind and preferences. This being said, you do deserve pleasure and to get what you want in the bedroom but it might be time to rethink your relationship for both of your sakes.

  3. >and i feel like that’s what’s missing in our sex life…my pleasure..

    You’ve been together for 8 months and he doesn’t put any effort in to getting you off? Don’t invest any more time in this relationship unless you can get to the bottom of this quickly and see improvements. It’s time.to have a talk with him about this. Don’t let this incident slide.

  5. > what’s missing in our sex life…my pleasure

    You were clear in what you want – he still failed you.

  6. It could be a libido mismatch. If sex is your priority in your relationship, move on to another man!

  7. You’ve only been together 8 months. You’ve found a fundamental issue. This will not get better. If you have a lover that isn’t pleasing you it’s time to move on.

    I was with a woman for almost 20 years. She gave me oral sex at the drop of a hat. I happily reciprocated. Several years in she dropped on me that she never liked giving oral. I stopped asking. I didn’t get a blow job for 6-7 years and in that time got about 10 seconds or oral. Meanwhile I never slacked off giving her oral because I like making her feel good. Eventually it, among other things, became a massive sore point. Nothing like feeling unloved and undesired by the one you love and desire.

  8. Not saying this is your problem. Hate to be harsh. But women do not smell the same nor do they taste the same. I am older so I know that food, hormones, stress, sex non std infections can greatly change the ph. But the last thing I will tell a women I care about is she stinks or tastes bad. So check yourself out, if it could be the problem make a doctors appointment. It could be as simple as vaginitis. But does require a prescription

  9. You have posted about this multiple times. It’s clearly a deal breaker for you, so I think the question is why are you sticking around if it bothers you so?

    Further to that, in the future you should never bring up sex-issues in the bedroom, always in a neutral space.

  10. The dude is a bum. A lady needs to be given oral. Woman are too sexy to deprive them of tongue love💯 Find a dude that looks like he went swimming when he’s done going down on you 💦

  11. Talk to him about it. Why he doesn’t want to suck you off. We are strangers and can’t possibly know what’s going on in his mind. Before you jump to the conclusion that there’s something wrong about you, you could consider he lied about liking oral sex in he beginning of the relationship because he thought that’s what you wanted to hear. Or he has learned some misinformation about oral sex that made him anxious. Or maybe he feels he’s not good enough.

  12. Yikes, that would be a major deal breaker for me. You deserve to have pleasure and if he won’t provide it for you consider looking for someone else.

  13. What dude doesnt do that? I do it for my own pleasure. I dont even ask to be reciprocated. Seriously drink it like a fountain lol

  14. Okay I’m sorry to say I don’t think this will change. He only did it the first 3 times you’ve had sex then stopped. He clearly doesn’t want to do it ever. From your post history I can tell it really bothers you. Can you go on the rest of your life like this? Bc after the honeymoon phase is when you see someone for who they are, not who they show. He said he liked eating pussy before, then he lied to impress you/get you in the sack. Guys who like eating pussy don’t need to be asked, they just do it.

    What I’m getting at is you have two options.
    1) stay with him, give up and accept he won’t do it.
    2) end the relationship bc of the incompatibility.

    Also if you decide to end it over this, don’t give any ultimatums bc that would be coercion, just make a clean break and wish him the best. But you can’t keep having this fight forever. Personally I won’t even sleep with guys who won’t do it, it’s that important to me. You have to decide how much it matters to you. Sexual compatibility is a valid reason to end a relationship.

  15. Is this the same dude Who saved nudes from his girl bestfriend? If yes, I honestly dont see the relationsship going forward.

  16. Maybe he lied to you that he actually enjoys doing it. People sometimes lie bout their sexual preferences in order to not upset their partener. There’s a chance he doesn’t like going down on… any women. And he just did it at the beginning of the relationship in order to please you and in order for you to stay with him. My ex did smth similiar. He would care for my pleasure and well- being in general ,BUT ONLY FOR THE FIRST TWO MONTHS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. After that, he wasn’ t as caring as before. When I confronted him about it, he said this happened because he was trying so hard to impress me when we first started dating, but after that it became clear to him that I was never gonna leave him anyways. And I left him.

  18. He does not have to give you oral. He doesn’t have to explain why he gave it to other women and not you. He doesn’t have to tell you the truth on if he enjoys giving women oral.

    And most importantly….YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP DATING SOMEONE WHO WONT GIVE YOU ORAL.

  19. The problem here is his missleading in the start and lack of communication on why he stopped.

    You need to talk about it. There might be a good reason and a solution to it.

  20. Drop him like a bad habit. Get your needs met properly with someone who isn’t talking all the big game just because he wants to impress you. Make sure he’s really reallllly into oral sex and delivers. Go get yourself someone worth it.

  21. > he did it for the other girls,

    He probably lied about that to reel you in.

    It worked.

    > he’s my first partner

    THERE IT IS!

    Of course you’re tolerating this bs. You haven’t had better. Don’t worry, there is.

    You spent 8 months hoping shit would change. You should have left WAY sooner.

    Also, dressing up super sexy won’t make him want to eat you out any more. Don’t use covert contracts. If you want to address the issue of oral sex, you have to talk to him about it. What does he think of it? What is he open to? What is he willing to do to get you off?

    > why don’t i get to experience that??

    Because you keep putting up with it. You won’t leave and find someone who will. Instead you keep trying to change him into what you want.

    Early on, if he doesn’t make your satisfaction a priority during sex, then stop talking to him and find someone who will. Unless he does try to satisfy you and just refuses this one method. In that sense, you have to decide if oral is a deal-breaker or not.

  22. Have you straight up asked him why he doesn’t want to do it? Like had a conversation about it outside the BR at all? Does he offer any reasoning? I just find this so unusual. Every man I’ve ever been with has had no problem doing it and most really love it. My current partner I’ve been with for 2+ years now actually wants to do it all the time lol. Like more than I even need it or ask for it just because he loves it so much. So I find this most strange. Ofc this has just been my person experience. I can’t speak for other women. But yeah in my experience, there are lots of other men out there who will love doing it. So if it’s something you don’t want to go without & he’s not even willing to compromise with you or whatnot, then I don’t see how this relationship is going to work for you in the longer term, ya know? But first the convo needs to be had if it hasn’t yet. I’m so dumbfounded by this!!!

  24. You need to bounce. Never date someone who isn’t consistently and enthusiasticly going down on you. Make it a rule for yourself.

  25. All the advice you are getting is to dump him which is so fucking stupid, when in reality there is very likely something that will solve itself if you just talk genuinely with each other about the root causes for this and what makes him not wanting to do it.

    Can you imagine a guy responding to a girl the way you responded to him? It’s clear there is a relational dispute you guys are having on this issue and the immature way is to go on the attack “demanding” that you want him to do things. A girl in the opposite situation wouldn’t be motivated to do it if all I said was “you never do it” and claimed it was something she HAD to do to make this relationship work. Figure out the root cause and go from there. If you are not motivated or he is not receptive to talk about this, then I can agree it seems like something you just have to live with or you move on. But it seems like a pretty unhealthy relationship from where I stand if you can’t talk about these things.

    Also if you figure this out together you will bond a lot over this and the relationship will be stronger because you were a reason for resolving his mental barriers on this.

    Anyway best of luck.

  26. There are some reasons that men could not like to go down on a woman. To me they are non sense reason, but for some men, it’s a point. Maybe you could try to talk a little bit more on him and try to discover which one is the real reason. And maybe make an agreement about it. What do you think?

  29. He’s selfish, and I have a feeling he was lying to you in the beginning. He’s probably never really done it much in the past either, and just told you that to get in your pants. He’s a selfish lover.

    Personally, I think you should leave. If you’re not willing to leave, I think you need to create a new rule. Tell him you cum first, and he’s not going to cum until after you do. So no BJs or sex until he makes sure you cum first, and stick to that every single time.

  32. I’ll try to help out here and if some of what I say seems juvenile or demeaning that’s not intended. I’m going by my own experience.

    First question, who well groomed are you down there? A lot of men, myself included find pubic hair a turn off. Think about it, pubic hair traps urine, odor, mucous and feces around back. See how it can create multiple issues. A perfectly shaven or waxed vagina gives you more exposed skin to run to lick, kiss, tease and ravage. Also getting them caught in your teeth is no fun. Also, shave or wax your butthole. If you think about it pubic hair became obsolete once we started wearing clothes. If I’m going to be with a girl I request the be shaven front and back and freshly showered but I spend a lot of time pleasuring here down there. I don’t even find anal sex appealing, tried it twice at the girls suggestion but I love gently spreading a girls checks and caressing her most nerve rich area with my tongue. BTW I too do the same grooming previously mentioned on myself and let me tell you mowing a flat lawn is much easier than mowing one with two boulders and a tree in your way.

    One final “2 for 1” possibility is he is put off by the appearance of your vagina and again this is nothing for you to worry about. I once dated a gal whose inner labia was much longer than the outer so it looked like to serpent like creatures trying to escape. On top of that she had an oversensitive vagina so if I wanted to go down on her I had to stimulate her clit through the hood and I hated that. I love going down on a woman and I’ve got very good at it over the years because I love pleasing a woman. If I can’t do that it takes away from the intimacy and eroticism of the experience. Men want like nothing else to please their woman sexually. This is what a lot of women don’t get, so many time they mistake a guy’s behavior for “male ego” which is going to make him resent her.

    Are you hairy down there and if so have you done anything about it? Also it’s possible you could have something going on ranging from the clothes you wear to a health condition to your diet that is causing your vagina to give off a strong odor and if this is the case it’s not your fault but if he has not said anything then just ask him straight out. That begs the question, have you asked him why?

    Lastly do yourself a favor and don’t listen to these idiots giving you answers that is probably more than half btw. The whole “all or nothing” approach is thinking like a year old. These women who are saying “drop him now” will be the same women who gain 50 lbs after getting married and then call their husband a midlife crisis pig if a woman is is physically attractive smiles at him. Life is NOT black and white. Above I mentioned I got really good at giving women oral sex, do you know how that happened? I wasn’t bad before but at age 25 I dated a 38 year old and she told me what she liked. Communication is important. I mentioned I love rimming a girl but if we were just dating and she spread her hair butt hole I’m not licking anywhere near there so I don’t think he was trying to impress you. There could be factors that have nothing to do with you and maybe some bad experience from his past. Did you orgasm when he went down on you or was he able to tell you were enjoying it? I’m not questioning you btw but encouraging you to think back on it, like was there a point where he started acting differently?

    There is one thing that really bothers me about this guy and that’s he made it clear he went down all the time on past girlfriends which could be a lie. Assuming it’s not then he’s either an asshole or clueless and lacking in self awareness which means go and find someone better. But again get all of the facts before you make your decision, maybe he said that about past girlfriends because he thought that was what you wanted to hear.

    Sometimes two people just aren’t compatible and it’s nobodies fault, I hate the way our society has to play the blame game where something not working out is all the fault of one person. Think of it like this, weather he likes going down on a girl but just not on you(I find this one the most unlikely), doesn’t like going down on a girl or is someone whose sexual preferences change like the seasons is there really any difference? Unless you find out there was some very reasonable explanation for him not orally pleasuring you AND that he will begin doing it immediately then he’s not the guy for you. Something else women get wrong about men is they’ll try to manipulate her for mercy lay. If I felt a woman was doing that it would be her not getting laid, something like that is not fun for anyone. My point? It sounds like he doesn’t like going down on women and lied to impress you. I’m also wondering if he is in the closet and I don’t mean that in a bad way just that it’s possible. Are you considered very pretty or even model like? Those are the types of women that men in the closet target. They also pick low maintenance girls who don’t demand a lot from them.

    Feel free to message me, within a year and a half I witnessed this happen to a girl I know and I also became friends with a girl who deceived me into believing she was bisexual to keep me around. Even though she was a lesbian there was one part of me she liked and jumped me one morning. There was a lot of manipulation and gaslighting. Anyway I’m willing to bet I could sus this out for you with just a few questions. When I said talk to him I meant that with the assumption he’s not hiding some major secret.

    I’ll leave it up to you but again happy to lend insights from personal experiences.

  33. Here we are again. When it’s a woman not getting something she wants sexually, he is a POS and should be left in the dust. When he isn’t getting something he wants, he is just greedy and insensitive and should go jack off if he doesn’t like her preference.

  34. Leave him. You’ll never be happy and he’s just a selfish little kid. NEXT!

  37. Wow, this is such a shame. You made a higher effort to guide him, a lot of guys (mi included) would love the effort you have put into this.

    It seems time to talk to and with your boyfriend about this because in 8 months he should have gone down on you multiple times.
    It seems a deal breaker for you that he is not doing this for you so it is wise to have a talk with him to know why it is not happening and what you can do so he will do it to you.

    Perhaps he just not wants to do it anyway, then you at least know and you need to find out for yourself wether or not you are willing to accept this.

  40. Oh man, I’ve been in your shoes twice and had to end it. Not receiving oral is a deal breaker for me. Too many guys out there who genuinely enjoy doing it.

    When they say they don’t like doing it they expect you to say “It’s OK honey, we don’t have to” which is what some girls will say even if they really don’t feel that way. A more patient person would tell you to discuss what his issues are and work through them with him, but he has to want to change. In my experiences, the two guys were just turned off by vaginas because they didn’t do a lot of fingering either. It was OK to put their dick in there but nothing else, no matter how much I showered and “tidied” it. That kind of issue is impossible to deal with.

  41. Your bf should be going down on you, but you definitely stopped sex when you criticized him in the bedroom. Saying “you never do” is pretty snarky, and while it’s definitely warranted in this case, you couldn’t possibly have expected sex to continue after clapping back at him like that.

    ​

    Have you asked him why he never wants to go down on you?

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