I’m on a day of ranting today! Just need to vent and see if anyone else has a similar situation. My husband doesn’t work full time, he is lazy. We have a 4 year old and 5 month old and he has a teenager from another relationship. So he has fathered 3 children yet pretends like he doesn’t know how to take care of babies and children. Before baby number 2 I had a full time job, bought the house we live in, just me on the mortgage because his credit sucks. I would say he works about 25-30 hours a week in a crappy restaurant that I used to work in until I decided to do better. It’s like he’s stuck in time and doesn’t want to do better until he has a bad day then he rage applies to other jobs. He’s had 2 or 3 interviews in the last year that would have been full time and better jobs and was offered the jobs too, he’s a charming guy when he wants to be! Then he ends up rejecting it and going back to his crappy job making me furious. Anyways, I’ll try to be as short as I can.. I got pregnant, had baby number 2 and gave up alot of my time at my job to someone else. I don’t want to work there forever, it’s mostly nights and weekends and my older son is starting school in the fall and I want to be home for him, so I do want to get a daytime job. My old job now doesn’t have much work for me so I work there and also picked up a part time day job just 2 days a week for extra money. My complaint is my husband hates being up early so 2 days a week when I go to this day job he doesn’t like to get up to take care of his kids. The baby “scares” him, it’s too hard taking care of 2 small kids for him so my mom has to come over and help him while I work. She is our babysitter when we both work. He complains my mom is annoying, (she is haha but a great grandma) so I just say well then when your ready to take care of your kids let us know and she won’t have to come over. He’s mad I picked up another job but he refused to work more and help me pay for my bills. I’ve been telling him since I was pregnant if wants me to stay home this is what you have to pay for. But he doesn’t want to work full time. When I had my full time job he was mad I worked all the time, now I’m working less but 2 jobs, technically 3 because I so do freelance art on the side and he doesn’t like it because this 2nd job doesn’t pay as much as my full time job 😂 but he doesn’t want to contribute anything else. I really don’t know what he wants. Nothing I do makes him happy. Working all the time or working less! He wants a stay at home housewife who pays for all the bills. I brought up making an only fans but he doesn’t like that idea either 🤣 THEN when I’m working on my freelance art stuff, I do paintings and other things, he trys to belittle it by saying things like “all you do in your spare time is paint and glue stuff”. I make a TON of money during the holidays. My “crafts” have often paid for all my bills in the past and then some! He’s driving me insane because nothing I do is the right thing in his eyes. What can I do to make him wise up, if anything?
14 comments
He sounds like a liability
Just a question, after he didn’t help with the first one, why have another with such a useless man?
I also want to add when I dont have work or after/before work I try to do fun stuff with our kids. I take them to the library, we go to like little restaurants and stuff, playdates, go outside, just fun stuff. He isn’t afraid to watch the 4 year old, just lazy. He let’s him play video games and watch TV the whole time he watches them. He is “afraid” of the baby when the baby starts crying alot. The one time I’ve had a girl night out and he watched them both I had to come home early because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and he was afraid something was wrong 🙃
> I really don’t know what he wants.
He wants to complain without ever working on any kind of solution, because as it is right now he can simply blame everything on you.
You can’t make someone care about you. If he only cares about himself, then this *is* him wising up – he gets to do nothing and take no responsibility!
You picked him. What does that say about you if you are so bad at discernment and judgement?
Do you come on this sub to get people to cheer you up and say you’re a victim (you might be)?
Or do you want real input where you might actually play a major role in your situation?
Like right now, what should I do? He just got home from work, he worked a whopping 4 hours and is now sitting on the porch having a beer. It’s my day off so I’ve been taking care of the kids non stop. Instead of saying oh do you need anything he sits down for a relaxing beverage. After 4 hours of work. Should I be mean to him? Doesn’t seem to do anything besides start a fight. Should I ignore him? Also does nothing
You need to start making a plan to get out, that’s what you should be doing. He is nothing more than a mean bully and dead weight on your back.
Seems like things are going great from his perspective. The question is whether you’ll continue accepting who he is or not
While I love the girl power comments I do ultimately want it to work out. However impossible it may seem. I’d like the just find a solution and the right words to say or actions to take to motivate him to take responsibility. I just don’t know what to do. I know it is up to him in the end and I really can’t make him do anything but what could I try to do first before we end up going our separate ways? Cause I really don’t want that to happen 😪 I do think he needs a therapist…
When people show you who they are, believe them, not have second babies with them. He isn’t going to change. Why do so many women believe men will change their behavior when it’s like this? They won’t. Now the choice you have is are you going to accept this as your life and live with a teenager in a man body or are you going on with your life and leaving his immature, emotionally stunted, never going to quit acting like he’s 17 ass in the dust and do better for you and your kids?
My wife’s is.
the harsh reality is that people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you….and you are allowing all of this.
he will not change so not even sure why you are bothering wasting your years with someone who doens’t want to change and belittles you while he’s being a lazy manchild jerk.
You need to find a better man and get yourself a better life.