I know this is a story as old as time and I just need to open up communication with him, but I would still love a bit of feedback from others who have had experience with this same scenario.
I (F28) have been with my partner (31M) for 6 years. We moved to a new country together about a year ago. Because of that our lifestyles have changed drastically in a lot of ways.
Probably due to a whole list of factors, my sex drive has plummeted. My masturbation habits have gone from once a day or so to maybe once a month. Initiating sex with my partner doesn’t even come to mind, but if I have the proper lead up I can get in the mood. Here is the problem though… I would say his initiation tactics are less than romantic. The old fashioned boob grope, the blindside hump, constantly making comments about what we should do. He will come to me hard and say things like, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was going to take care of it myself but…” and then stand there expectantly. Basically making every interaction, physically or not, about sex. If I don’t engage he will pout or even get angry. If I do engage, he is rushed and it feels like he isn’t fully present when he touches me.
I know he is frustrated sexually so of course it’s on his mind more, and I feel awful that I am not regularly milking those demon’s out, but I straight up shudder when he pulls stuff like this. It makes me feel gross, like he is only wants to get his nut. My main concern with bringing this up is that he can be very sensitive about perceived “criticisms” about his sexual performance.
I know communication is the only way to get through this but if anyone has any books, resources, tips, or anything else at all that might help me I would really appreciate it.
6 comments
You are not the problem, he is! He gets so upset about criticisms that you are afraid to tell him all this? Stop being concerned with his feelings and tell him about yours.✌️
Yeah you’ll definitely have to have a chat to him and tell him the way he approaches things just isn’t working.
I think he needs to do some reading etc, but you’re the one asking for help here not him so I’m sorry I can’t suggest anything else.
In my experience it can be several things, either your not attracted to him anymore and his sexual advances just make it even worse or he’s over bearing and just approaches in such cringe manner that it turns you off (which can be communicated easily). He sounds a little uneducated in the subject of being generous and thinking more about how he can please his partner instead of getting a nut off which would probably make you more interested. BUT! Although I’ve been in his shoes before with an ex of mine, one thing I can say is usually when a gf cringes at the thought of being used for a nut by her bf, chances are you might not be sexually compatible because a gf should get aroused by the thought of her man cumming and not thinking of it as “I’m being used”. So either your a selfish partner or he just doesn’t do it for you. Hope that helps coming from the bf perspective.
Craving and lacking intimacy in the other departments of your relationship would definitely cause you to cringe when he initiates sex. My husband sounds like yours and I’ve realized if he stimulates me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually then he is much more successful at arousing me physically. Who wants their man to be selfish, emotionally unavailable, doesnt care to spend quality time together all the while expecting you to be ‘warmed and ready’ when they approach you with some lazy sexual initiative. The nights he wants sex after acting like a distant asshole all day, I just straight up tell him “No.” And if he wants to know why I tell him. He gets mad, I sleep peacefully.
Two different things to address. Why is your drive lower? Stress? Bad environment? No joy? Depression?
On his odd behavior. strongly suggest that you tell him how to express interest in you. Do you like your butt grabbed? Do you want a hug? Do you want to be plainly asked?
How can he describe his desire for you? Maybe he can’t when you aren’t interested
Well I spent some time creeping on your profile and I have a few ideas:
Put him in chastity and only let him out to cum if he is doing desirable things and not doing undesirable things so basically a reward and punishment system. Basically, he doesn’t out unless he stops the immature behavior he is doing now.
Also, none of the stories I read that you posted talked about you orgasming at all. I don’t think I would have a sex drive if I wasn’t orgasming.
So his job is to please you and if he isn’t a good boy then he doesn’t get to orgasm at all anymore.
Also put the mental load and labor load into him e.g. make your list of punishments and rewards and I will review them. Research where to get your cage and we will review it.
This should not create more work for you and if it is push the labor onto him. I should create more pleasure for you.