Hi everyone,
I’ve heard many of my male friends complain that the woman is not active enough in bed and that they have to do all the work.
I’m fairly inexperienced when it comes to sex, I’ve had it before but there is still a lot I have to learn.
Well, now I (F) was wondering what I can do in future sexual encounters to be more active. I get more pleasure from pleasuring someone than receiving pleasure myself, so this is really important to me. Folks, especially men, what do you wish for? How can I improve?
8 comments
with my ex, I had to do all of it hahahaha and apparently, she was more experienced.
If you have sex with somebody multiple times that is when I believe it’s more important to put in equal work. If it’s just a one-night thing usually it’s not that big of a deal. That being said don’t just lay there and let the guy do you. Men like to be done too 🙂
For example, riding or being attentive during intercourse is best. Oral from both partners is also good.
Just being an active participant really.
I remember me and my wife made love when we were younger in a house with parents in the next room or something, can’t remember exactly what it was – but she was scared of making any noise, so didn’t move too much or vocalise.
It was a *total* turn off! I was really surprised how little movements are so important. Wasn’t like she was screaming in pleasure and leaping around the bedroom.
Just small feedbacks, moving your hips slightly in rhythm, little moans and things. I personally get a lot out of making my partner feel good. I love giving her an orgasm so much more than having one myself. Getting no feedback at all was infuriating!
Other than those small feedback things – touching, caressing, kissing, moaning, eye contact – all are things which show she’s invested and enjoying things.
Some more general active things that just involve taking more control/taking a lead, i.e. initiating, or initiating a position change, or playing with yourself with fingers during etc.
My favourite position is also her on top.
Don’t be a lifeless sex doll is a good place to start. Being active also means being engaged in the process
Enthusiasm lol words of affirmation more eye contact
Get on top, grind your hips or bounce. In doggy style, rock back and forth. When you are being passive, keep your hands busy – play with his body or stimulate yourself. Make the decision of which position will be next. Show or instruct him what you want him to do.
Personally I like when my wife climbs on top, sits on my face and grinds against my tongue until she cums. It’s best when she does it proactively.
Basically it means take part and contribute stuff, don’t just lie there legs akimbo. Beyond that it depends on uour style. Do you stroke and kiss? Do you give hand play? Do you give oral. Do you go on top, do you sometimes make the decision what to do next? For me I guess I would hope that you more or less do the same things I do.
Active means being actually involved in the whole kerfuffle.
Not active is when you could replace yourself with a wet roll of bologna and the guy wouldn’t notice the difference.
Being actively involved in sex isn’t a terribly hard concept. If someone wanted you involved in Karaoke, bowling, walking, or dinner, you wouldn’t need step by step instructions because it isn’t about any one specific thing. It just means you have to be there mentally and participate really. If you’re sitting there staring off into space and paying zero attention to anyone singing karaoke, you’re just not gonna be fun to be around. Sex is the same. Don’t overthink it, just be there for it.
One big thing would be to think about it as “having sex with someone” instead of “letting them have sex with you”. One implies that you’re involved in the event, one implies that it’s a chore and you don’t actually participate. just shift your mindset and be involved, that can look different for everyone but the important part is, again, just showing up mentally.