I would really appreciate some tips from both men and women on here, especially those of you who are married. She means the world to me, and I know she wouldn’t leave if the sex was terrible, but I’d still like to avoid disappointing her.
Edit: Yes, we’re using protection. She’s also actively on birth control for personal reasons.
43 comments
Take it step by step, try not to be too serious with it, and have some fun. It will be a learning experience for you both, so go in with that understanding. I know that is easier said than done, but with two inexperienced people going at it for the first time, it is tough to give advice other than go slow and listen to each other.
Foreplay and lube are key.
foreplay can make or break the sex, since its a new experience for both of you and you guys will be nervous make sure to set the mood, after that start of with some kisses not just lips tho find her sweet spots, explore her with you lips along with some light touching of course so she gets use to it. Make sure she’s into it and then explore her nether regions with your fingers and mouth if you’re inclined to do so😁 as long as you dont just jump to stick it in you’ll be fine.
Don’t go into it thinking “we are going to have sex” get each other horny, cuddling while watching tv is a great way to start. Touch each other, kiss, then lead it into sex. It’s always better with good foreplay
You might find this helpful:
-The G-spot is located 2-3 inches inside and upwards towards the belly-button. Slide your fingers inside, make an upwards, rubbing “come here” gesture with them, and a soft bump should tell you where the g-spot is.
-Women are generally insecure/anxious about how their breasts and vagina look. Complimenting those helps to relax them and let’s them enjoy themselves more.
-Women enjoy knowing they’re making you feel good. Moans, groans and grunts while you fuck them help with that. Every single time you slide into a woman’s pussy should be accompanied with a deep moan.
-The more you turn her on and build up her arousal beforehand (edging) the longer and stronger her orgasm will be.
-Pulling a woman’s hair from the edges is painful, pulling it nearer the scalp is more manageable pain wise.
-Dirty talk can vary based on the woman. Some women like to be praised (e.g “your pussy feels so good squeezing my cock”), some like to be degraded (e.g “take it like the little cock-hungry slut you are”) and some like a mixture (eg “you’re such a good little slut, taking my cock all the way like this)”. It’s worth asking beforehand which one she would enjoy most.
-Kissing a woman’s neck feels amazing for her, but only with wet lips. Run your tongue along your lips to wet them first before kissing her.
-Be gentle when rubbing her clit. Too much pressure feels uncomfortable and can turn her off.
-Don’t neglect her pussy lips, they’re also sensitive and rubbing, stroking and licking them can feel amazing for her
-The undersides of a woman’s tits can be very sensitive, and again, get neglected too often. Rub, kiss and lick them in addition to the nipple play.
-Her inners thighs are extremely sensitive, licking them is a great way to tease her and get her worked up before licking her out.
-When licking her out, using the flat of your tongue is better than just the tip. With the wider flat of your tongue, your tongue touches more of her pussy with each lick and spreads the sensation over a wider area
-Rubbing your shaft against her pussy can feel good too.
-Wet your fingers in your mouth first before stroking/rubbing/fingering etc. As a rule, dry fingers generally don’t feel as good as wet fingers
-If she’s about to cum, don’t stop what you’re doing while she does, and don’t change the pace, keep going exactly as you are through her orgasm.
-In missionary, placing a cushion under a woman’s ass tilts it upwards, and the angle allows your cock to hit her g-spot on every thrust.
-In doggy, reaching under her with a hand and rubbing her clit as you fuck get will drive her crazy.
Don’t expect it to be great out of the gate. Think of it as the first step to being great eventually—a fun journey you’re starting together. Maybe it will be, but great sex usually comes from getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes and that just takes time.
Take it easy and relax Treat her with respect. Also put on side 2 of Led Zeppelin 4.
The simplest solution is to start something physical, but small, and build to the next logical step. Continue this until completion – see below. AND THEN FOCUS ON HER. This above all else.
Small neck kisses —>actual kisses —> Making out —> using hands above clothes —> Rubbing/grabbing —> erogenous zones —> private areas (gentle at first!) —> Undressing (slow/fast as feels comfortable) —> Repeat from step 1 until one of you wants to use your mouth on the other —> switch, or just go for it.
Have condoms close by: as you’re putting it on ask them to get into whichever position they want the most. At this point the less your brain is working, the better – listen to your body and watch/listen for cues to theirs. And have fun!
Please please please use lube. Get a water based one.
Kiss for a long time first, kiss neck, touch nipples for a while before even going near her vagina. Men are always in such a rush to start before we’ve barely even got horny. Make sure she’s so desperate for it by the time you start.
If you’re up to it, get a manicure the day before! If not, please trim your nails the day before so they have some time to dull down a bit. Most vaginas do not appreciate scraggly finger nails.
Take it slow, and don’t be afraid to laugh a bit! It’s supposed to be fun, you don’t have to take it too seriously 😄 good luck!
Don’t go straight to the point. Be patient, and enjoy every piece of the experience.
Don’t be afraid to throw the elbow
Be in the moment, and try not to fixate about the climax that should not be endgame for the both of you because that will lead you in to a hellish rabbit hole and you’ll be stuck in your head. Having fun, discovering likes and dislikes together, and even being silly and laughing should be. Starting slow and incorporating foreplay (cuddling and kissing, etc) and lube is your bff. I hope you both enjoy yourselves, and have a fun and positive experience together!
Hygiene is important, so both of you should shower before or shower together.
Go slow, be gentle, and go with the flow. Lots of foreplay. If you lose your erection, it’s very common your first time and due to nerves or anxiety. Be sure to explain this to her so she doesn’t take it personally.
Don’t try to imitate porn until you’re more experienced or have discussed doing that.
Use verbal and/or nonverbal communication to indicate what you like or don’t like.
Try not to think too much, relax, and enjoy the moment.
I’m in a sexless marriage. Jealous of you!
You don’t always have to fuck her hard. In fact, sometimes, it’s not right to do.
Release some pressure a few hours before or it will be a very short 20 seconds
-Water
-Lube
-Towel
-Snacks
-Sense of humor
I just hope all the advice doesn’t overly stress you out and have you overthinking. Kinda like the tv shows where the main character is preparing for something big and everything that can go wrong goes wrong.
A lot of good advice here, but please don’t forget the most important thing: relax and above all, enjoy yourselves without setting possible unrealistic expectations. If you go in there, stressing about performance and worrying about her pleasure, you’re setting yourself up for a disappointing first session. Sure, it might be a bit awkward at first, but just get into each other, let yourselves feel, without expectations or regrets.
>I know she wouldn’t leave if the sex was terrible
It’s going to be terrible. The first time always is. It’s awkward. You “know” the position, but doing it is going to feel weird. You have trouble finding the hole….hint: it’s lower than you think….*and probably even lower than that*
You’ll either cum in 5 seconds or you won’t cum at all.
Plenty of foreplay. Get her as wet as you can.
Since it’s her first time, be SUPER gentle. Plenty of foreplay first. The first time is a bit painful for girls.
COMMUNICATION. Get in the habit now. Tell each other what you want. Tell each other what feels good. AND what feels bad. GUIDE each other in how you want things done.
>She means the world to me, and I know she wouldn’t leave if the sex was terrible, but I’d still like to avoid disappointing her.
Dude, chill. This isn’t a one shot deal where you have to get it right or else. This is the first chapter in a new dimension of an ongoing relationship with someone who cares about you. It’s not make or break…there are no stakes. If you psych yourself out, you’ll just guarantee that it’ll be a disaster.
**Focus on exploring together instead of getting it “right” or being “good”.** She doesn’t know what that means any better than you do.
The good news is that even inexperienced sex can be amazing if you stay in the moment. So take your time…go slow, really take in the sensations. It’s OK to talk to each other. Anything that helps you stay in the moment and gets you out of your head. This is something you’re enjoying together, not a performance.
I am not sure I can add much after the comment with the list. Be kind to yourself and drop all the pressure you are putting on yourself to perform. Realize she has the same fears. This is new to you both and being comfortable and taking your time will make it the best.
virgin here so i can’t really offer much advice but i’ve read a lot about the importance of communication. take your time and don’t be afraid to stop or take a break if needed.
wishing you two the best of luck. stay hydrated and have fun!!
In case nerves are making it hard for her to get/stay wet, I advise having coconut oil on hand. Its totally safe, tastes and smells good, lasts longer than any sex lube, and goes a long way.
As a man, I somewhat remember losing my V card, there is a VERY good chance you’ll barely last more than like 5 minutes, that’s to be expected so do NOT try to rush into the slammin straight away.
BREATHE!!! I can’t tell you how easy it is to get completely winded from the exercise, deep steady breaths
How far have you gotten before? I wouldn’t go straight from first base to sex in one day personally, hopefully you’re already pretty familiar with each other’s bodies
Here is a link to a comment I made on a post long ago. The bottom line is take it slow and don’t rush. Foreplay is very important.
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/o83qw9/penis_wont_fit_in_vagina/h340gw0
Woman here!!
It might be painful since it’s her first time. If she tells u to be gentle or be slow, please listen. She’s also probably very nervous as well. Good luck!
Lick her pussyy, say horny things, finger her during penetrating or when you are licking
You were literally made to do this. Trust your instincts. Also, your first few times may be awkward or even terrible, but with communication and practice, you will be having fun in no time.
You’ve got this, champ!
You might hear some funny sounds because of course, bodily fluids can make some very amusing noises when jostled around in just the right way. Don’t be embarrassed about it. Have a little chuckle and then move on. You’ll forget about it immediately if you just acknowledge it and continue instead of continuing to awkwardly ponder.
Aftercare is extremely important so ask her what kind of attention she would like afterwards and communicate your own needs as well. Yes, even for vanilla sex it is just as important as it would be after an intense BDSM scene.
Toys are a friend, not a foe.
Put down a towel to avoid sweaty and cummy bedsheets, change the sheets either after or immediately the next morning for good hygeine.
LUBE IS AN ESSENTIAL ON-HAND. Even if you don’t use it often, it is good to have it in case you need it. FIND AN UNSCENTED ONE.
Use condoms that don’t have latex. I don’t have a latex allergy but they still irritated my insides and made sex painful, due to a specific chemical compound in latex. USE UNSCENTED, UNFLAVORED CONDOMS.
This is the only thing I can think of for something that hasn’t been said much already.
Edit: forgot to add, your first time isn’t going to be a graceful, beautiful scene like from the movies. Sex ain’t graceful. You’re sweaty and grunty and there’s nothing graceful about it. Don’t expect to have a starry amazing orgasm the first time, you might not even cum due to anxiousness which is PERFECTLY FINE. As you continue to explore what you and your partner like you will each increasingly become attuned to one another and sex will become much better over time.
Urinating after sex is beneficial as it helps prevent UTI’s.
Unrelated sex tip: if you ever buy menstural products, unless she specifically asks for scented ones, don’t get scented ones. They are rank and some chemicals can actually irritate your skin and make your period even longer.
Bang it out first to get out your nerves. Order a pizza. Then do it again. And again. And again. And again…
Enjoy the adventure along the road. The first time might be very awkward and uncomfortable, but you could learn a lot from each other.
It’s very likely you won’t last very long. And that’s OK
if you overthink it you’re gonna lose your boner, maybe. I know I did my first time lol. Just enjoy it. And if anything happens just laugh it off and explore eachother.
A lot of good advice but I will add this. Try to have fun.
One of the things I love about sex with my husband is how we both can just relax and have fun. It’s happened more than once that we take a laugh break and then just get back into it. Important though, laugh with each other – never at each other. (Though I still tease my husband to this day for coming into his own eye once, that was hilarious)
Cause sex is awkward. There are smells and sounds you don’t expect in the beginning. It’s messy. Your legs can cramp. Your sweaty bodies can make fart noises. I mean bodies are weird.
But if both of you are relaxed with each other and see it as an activity you do together, not a performance, you’ll be able to enjoy the awkwardness too.
Don’t try to show off the first time. And communicate. It’s ok that you don’t know, you’ll learn at it can be really fun to learn.
Having sex for the first time especially as a male can have this pressure and expectation to be an absolute stud in bed. But the reality is, sex is a lot more complex than that. There are a lot of things you can do to make sure you’re both satisfied however. The both of you being virgins can make this a bit easier too, because she is probably just as nervous as you about it. The best advice I can give is this
First of all take it slow, foreplay and intimacy will help set the mood and really get you both turned on.
Secondly, really try not to put too much pressure on yourselves. Like anything nobody is good at something the first time, it takes practice. Find what you both like, and are comfortable with. Communication is key.
Lastly, making sure you’re both on the same page, and just feeling the passion will make it enjoyable.
Don’t over think it, experience will manifest it’s self. Just be in the moment and it’ll all turn out fine.
Relax, have fun, communicate
That’s it
man fuck all this other advice, that’s way too much to think about during a time that should be *fun* for both of you!
the only important advice is to communicate with each other, don’t take sex too seriously (it’s fun to laugh!), and don’t expect to be good AT ALL right now. you guys will both suck at it, and that’s normal. you’ll get better as long as you both communicate honestly, constructively, and with kindness
People here giving a lot of tips, some are pretty advanced, but i want to provide another angle:
Don’t be discouraged if doenst work right away. When i lost my virginity some time ago to my first GF she was a virgin as well. We didnt quite get it on first try, because neither of us knew what we were doing. It was still a nice and intimite experience.
When you have a fixed partner theres really no rush, you can take your time exploring what each of you likes and what is best for the both of you.
So dont expect too much from your first time, take it easy, take care of your partner and have fun exploring.
There’s nothing I can add here (virgin) except for if I knew I was about to lose mine most of the posts here are the kind of advice I’d like.
Good luck OP! I’m jealous lol 😂 enjoy.
First time always sucks. As long as you treat each other respectfully it’s going to be a good first experience anyway.
Source: I am married to the man I had my first time with, twelve years ago, had absolutely terrible sex then and amazing sex now. It’s not a race.
It will be akward and not great at the first times. You both will be nervous and won’t know what to do. Don’t be afraid to try though. Focus on a position you both like and that’s easy. Missionary is good because it’s relatively easy, there’s direct eye contact, intimacy and your body will rub her clit, so it’s easy for both to enjoy. The first few times will be not that good, but it will get exponentially better after a few tries. Then you can move on to more difficult things.
Don’t be afraid to use sex toys, learn how to use them properly though.