Why is it so hard to find love these days?

38 comments

  3. Because most of the traditional routes are cut off. You’re not meeting people at church, your parents aren’t setting you up, HR is discouraging you from meeting people at work, etc.

  5. Abundance of choice

    Thanks to dating apps, you can match and chat with people you would’ve otherwise never met in your daily life. Because of this, many people have the appearance of limitless options, so it’s hard to pick one person and stick with them when you constantly have new, seemingly better people entering your life

  6. So many things, the illusion of endless choices, less chances for actual human contact, removing that contact has us all assuming the worst of people, feeling like our relationships have to live up to the impossible standards of internet strangers, regressive attitudes toward sex in our personal lives while being bombarded with sexual images, wanting a partner who stays chaste and loyal without the same expectations of ourselves, the rewriting of gender roles for women while men’s roles largely stayed static, and probably some other shit I forgot.

  7. I’m not sure this assumption is necessarily true. I think it can be the case if you’re on the younger side, maybe. People used to pair off at a pretty young age, but people also used to buy homes, start careers at companies that would keep them for life with a pension, and start families at a younger age as well.

    There’s also a harsh reality that men need to understand: the bar is higher now. Women used to *need* a man to support them and their children. It was enough to bring in a paycheck and have a functional penis, but otherwise be essentially another child to take care of. With women able to provide for themselves now, it begs the question: what exactly are you bringing to the table here? You really need to demonstrate that you make her life better. That can mean lots of different things—you don’t have to be 6′ tall or make six-figures, but you might need to be a good companion and teammate, get along with her friends, carry your fair share of the emotional and mental load, etc.

    Circling back to connect this with having more challenges while being on the younger side—you likely have less to offer if you’re younger. You’re less likely to be established in life, less likely to be emotionally mature, less likely to know what you want, or have a path you plan to tread, and less able to demonstrate that you’re committed to that path.

    All this is to say; hang in there and focus on you! It’s likely to get better.

  8. Because you don’t find love. You don’t fall in love. Love is not just a feeling. It is an action and a choice. When you find someone else, you build a loving relationship by constantly working and acting in both people’s best interests.

    You can’t find it because it doesn’t simply exist. But, if you find someone you’re aligned with, you can build it.

  9. Because they look in the wrong places.
    Because you, and they, are looking for the wrong things.
    Because dating is designed to transfer your money to business, and they don’t want you to find your match and stop.

    ( Note to self- stop being a cynic)

  10. Just saying, I don’t use dating apps. I’m 30 and I’ve had no issues dating lately. Ask girls out that you meet in real life. It still works..

  11. I find that you need to work too hard for a woman. Not the woman you want, but to just attract the attention from some arbitrary woman. It heavily desensitized me so far that I find it hard to see women as potential partners anymore. How can you still feel love for someone that made you jump through hundreds of loops to have a possible relationship?

  12. Many aren’t looking for a long term relationship anymore. There just looking for some fun maybe a year or two so that they aren’t lonely. Social media plays a big role in this to. It causes trust issues and advertises the single life we’re you can go club and hook up with as many as possible.

  13. Because people treat love as a baseline instead of a reward for putting in the work; this leads to people determining whether people meet trivial requirements or not in order for them to earn love

  15. Because a cell phone makes finding someone new immensely easy. It makes hiding things from partners easy.

    Everyone is chasing that next exciting thing because they have no morale compass.

    It’s a shitty time to try and find actual love.

    Why would anyone want to be locked down in a relationship when the next most exciting person is only a text message away.

  17. I’m not sure it is… But in the past, historically speaking, relationships were much more transactional in nature. Families would organize marches, it was kind of your duty to do what you were told. Some cultures still practice this.

    In a lot of organized periods of human history women had incredibly few legal rights or protections. Look at Jane Austen books, unmarried daughters were considered to be a burden on their families, and many families would pay a suitor money to take their daughters off their hands. One could argue that these individuals were little better than livestock….

    Also, you could argue that certain religions put a great deal of emphasis on the concept of marriage, and when 99% of an area subscribed to that religious doctrine (like a second law) then it’s reasonable to assume that philosophy impacted how people perceived love/marriage.

    Now obviously, it’s not all pure.. plenty of sex workers and adultery and activities outside of marriage occurred, but that type of behavior was generally frowned upon or ignored (like a shameful secret that everyone was in on).

    Then, you could argue that the recent past was kind of a transitional period between the old ways and new viewpoints. People were expected to get married, and it wasn’t that long ago that unmarried people were viewed with a degree of suspicion. Heck, it wasn’t even that long ago in the US when single woman weren’t allowed to access credit without male approval!

    My point is that times and viewpoints have changed. What was once acceptable and legal, often isn’t anymore (depending on where you live obviously). Some people get married for duty still, and some get married out of obligation, or because they feel like it’s a sign of social status… But I’d argue those positions are no longer popular, or practiced in the mainstream. To be honest, I think these changes are a good thing (for both men and women).

  19. I feel like the world went into a more selfish statey where, obviously, no one wants to deal with shit they dislike. And no one is obligated. But without cooperation, many problems we evade this way only worsen, because no one is doing anything about it.

  20. Finding love these days is like searching for a needle in a haystack made of superficial swipes. Do we crave a deep connection or just a night of passion? With endless options, we’re paralyzed by choice, leaving our hearts empty and our thumbs sore from swiping. Are we all doomed to a life of digital loneliness?

  21. Unrealistic expectations and standards, some simply don’t know what love is, some mistake other things for love, the modern environment doesn’t foster it, people do not want to work for it.

    Maybe more people just don’t believe in it?🤷🏾‍♂️

  22. That’s a huge assumption that is actually is harder to find love these days.

    I think in the past, men and women often got together because that’s just what you do. You find a person who seems okay and you get on with life.

    My parents never loved each other. They were not bad to each other. They treated each other mostly with respect. But was there love? Were there even warm feelings? No, I don’t think there was. They’ve independently told me as much. They just had started dating because of proximity and the feeling that “it was time to get married”

    Our standards for relationships are much higher now. We can debate whether that is good or bad, maybe actually humanity hinges on people who don’t love each other procreating, I don’t know.

    But I wouldn’t stress to much about living in a time where love is impossible. Love has always been a rare commodity, enjoyed by a few lucky people, faked by many more to fit in, and ignored by the rest in an attempt to keep up with the timeline of life.

  24. The book “Dedicated: The Case for commitment in an age of infinite browsing” has it backed with research & studies that infinite choices & options have actually made it harder for people to commit to a person, cause, career, netflix show or basically anything in life. We see people second guessing their choices all the time now even after they do make one. The solution in nutshell is to commit to something & make it work. The hardest lesson for our generation!

  27. Because it’s so easy to find lust (for some). And I think a lot of young people don’t have a clear line between love/lust, nurturing/sugar daddy, authority/toxic masculinity, housework/disrespect… the gender roles are no longer set in stone, so fewer people know what to expect in a relationship, and even fewer know what to provide.

  28. I’d say… First, its not the priority. Second, they believe it to be something it is not, so they don’t recognize it.

  29. I hope no one under 40 is answering this question, because finding love in the 80s was no easier than it is today. If anything, it was more difficult.

    People say “these days” like they have any first hand experience with being an adult 30 or 40 years ago. Things were easier in high school, but the social landscape for *adults* is not very different today except in the trappings. In substance it has changed very little.

  31. Because people decided that it is easier to replace someone than to work on your relationship. It is romance with a premption date: till first big conflict.many think they are entitled to find someone ideal, strongly believing that they deserve the disney story, without moving a finger.

  33. I honestly have no idea how it is.I’m 22, just 3 months out of a 4 year relationship. I did not stick with one woman in high school until I thought I found the one I wanted to be with. I find myself lucky that I am still relatively young and many people here are in their 30s struggling to find someone for them. But I can already tell this might be a hard journey. I’m busting my ass in school and the gym to ensure my success.

  36. It’s not hard. Just be good looking and stop being bad looking. Done.

  37. A lot of women are man-hating and if you call that out, they turn it around and say you’re a misogynist.
    I’m tired of going on dates and later find out they are radical feminists who gets pissed off over any comments about women. One time I said women in general are less happy than men, which is a generalization but true for the most part, and they exploded and made it seem like it’s a misogynistic comment. If a woman said to me that men commit most of the violent crimes, I would be like ‘sure, i know’ and carry on with my life and not try to dismiss it or label it as misandry. But a lot of women nowadays are just quick to label anything as misogynist. They are just too combative.
    Also, even if I don’t make comments about women. If I say something about men, they always try to make it a competition with woman. For example, if I talk about men’s dating struggles, they would say ‘women get rejected too’. Sure, they get rejected too but it’s on a completely different level and frequency. It’s just annoying to talk to someone who basically invalidates everything you say about men. Imagine if a woman tells me that women get raped and my response is ‘well, men get raped too’, imagine how much of a piece of shit I would be thought of if I said that.

  38. More perceived options, unrealistic standards, radical feminism, no accountability, intercourse happens before you find out if you’re compatible or not, and first sign of problems people break it off instead of working it out.

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