I really don’t understand the context ‘Fantasizing other women even you’re married or in a relationship”, would that be simply mean men who have done this are dissatisfied with their sex life to their partners?
My bf (M31) and I F(24) discussed about it and I was convinced on his promises that it’s only just a fantasy and nothing else but I was also thinking I wanna hear the opinion of men who are married till now or in a relationship and how it affects their relationships.
Help me understand you, Men.
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Sexually sure, most people would have a fantasy sometimes without it meaning much. I would say especially so when you’re married or in a relationship. Doesn’t mean they are going to go out and do it, or are dissatisfied in any way, sometimes people just think random thoughts.
In a real, practical relationship, neither party is 100% satisfied. Fantasy fills in the gaps between what you want and what you’re getting. A normal person is “satisfied” with their sex life when they get perhaps 60-90% of what they want. The rest is met with fantasy. Expecting to be 100% satisfied all the time in a relationship is naïve, no matter what your gender is, so yes, fantasizing is common and normal.
It only affects your relationships when the fantasy becomes the majority of your sexuality, which is simply an indicator that you are not getting your sexual needs met in the relationship and so you need to change how you have sex, or (which is vastly more likely) find a new partner.
Going so far as fantasizing about having sex with someone fully is not as common as fantasizing about what someone would look like naked or in a certain clothing item, but it does without doubt happen. My friend group at work is very open about this things and I’d say 4 of them are more about thinking about what they are looking at while we have one specific dude that goes full out wondering how the woman he sees would be in bed and getting seriously graphic about it. I still wonder if his wife knows about it x)
Its one thing to daydream about other people and find other people attractive. Its another thing to boast about it in order to get a reaction out of your romantic partner.
Is this bf of yours throwing his fantasies in your face? I would say thats a red flag.
Everyone does. Men, women, and everything in between. At our core we’re hardwired with mate selection as a driving force. Sexual selection differs between men and women (in what they respectively look for in a partner) but both seek opportunities to expand their access to the gene pool. For a detail dive on the evolutionary underpinnings on fantasy / mate selection etc look at the work of evolutionary psychologist, David Buss. He’s had some good podcasts with lex Fridman, JRE etc.
I wouldn’t say that fantasy ever meant I was unattractive or not having pleasurable sex with my partner at the time. But I would say if I was in a relationship with someone admitting to fantasizing about others to be concerned. I’m a porn and sex addict who brought my porn addiction into my marriage that ended in divorce. For me the addiction progressed and went from off the page to real life. But even then I was still very active with my wife and still found her very attractive. I think for me it was the simple fact that I allowed this type of behavior, patterns and to rationalize all of it, is what led to it being a problem. No this is not how all men react but it is becoming more and more of a serious problem for a lot of men. This certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, seems like there are examples of just about anything anymore. I think it really just comes down to the person and what they’re willing to accept and for that person to not feel guilty for that. Maybe it’s just something that’s not discussed in relationships very often but I would bring the subject up about porn, masturbation, fantasy, open relationship, any and everything.
My wife doesn’t care where I get my appetite as long as I eat at home
It’s really as simple as the fact that a relationship doesn’t magically stop you from being attracted to attractive people.
The age gap alone is a red flag.
Imagine growing up and trying different foods. Pizza, is by far, your favorite food.
In order to continue eating pizza you need to completely give up all other foods. You agree to this because pizza is your favorite.
Is it normal to still think about or even imagine eating a hamburger? Enjoying the smell of a nice steak as you walk past a cookout? Absolutely. Anyone who says no is lying. It isn’t something to be ashamed of because you can’t help it.
You simply resist actually eating the hamburger or steak because you made a promise to pizza.
Judge him by how he treats you, not by what’s randomly being processed inside of his skull.