Basically a long ass rant post, cause I know everyone’ll be like “just ask him” but I just wanted to vent cause this has been stuck in my head for MONTHS and maybe this helps me cope with my feelings.
The thing is, I’ve known this guy for about a year, we were in the same friendgroup, and we kinda grew apart this year cause reasons (not studying on the same campus, some dropped out, moved away just life) Anyway me and my girl friends would always say that this guy, we’ll call him Nick, was the most perfect guy: cause he’s literally an angel and has the most kindest soul.
But we would always tease him and we would all something like “If you get a gf, let us meet her, cause ur too nice to notice if u were getting psychically abused or not”. Cause Nick was the type of guy to always say yes, and we were kinda worried about him you know.
Anyway, as I mentioned we kinda grew apart and I only have contact with some of them and we were talking how we grew apart and such. And then we talked about Nick. My heart just skipped a beat and i was like. “Wtf he’s literally the perfect guy”. Kinda dumb how I only realized that back then cause I literaly used to say it a lot when I was with my girl friends but suddenly I was like “wait a second…”
So I kinda fell in love with him while i hadn’t seen him in like 3 months.
So I took the courage AFTER A MONTH (cause i thought I was in just a fase, while it cleary wasn’t and I didn’t want to bother him during his exams) I decided to chat him up and we decided to meet up (i wouldn’t call it a date though, cause it probably wasn’t in his eyes). Anyways I had tons of fun and hope he had too, but here’s the problem now. Even though we were friends for a good year, I don’t even have the slightest clue if I’m his type to begin with. (cause he always kept it vague whenever we talked about it with the whole friend group and say the basic: “If they’re funny” “they have to have a nice personality”)
Also Nick was NEVER the guy to initiate text FIRST and he would always reply late (literally weeks later or he would read it and forget to reply) and his texts were always so short. Nor would he initiate just calling me or the group chat, but if someone called he accepted the call like 90% of the time. He would act like this (to my knowledge) to ALL HIS FRIENDS. But it’s not like he necessarily hates texting or calling, and it’s maybe because our friend group in general except him and another person used to always initiate texts, calls, suggesting where to go etc. So maybe that’s why idk?
Anyway, I don’t know what to do, and exams are literraly around the corner so I don’t want to bother him and he left me on read for about 3 days, so maybe I need to move on. This is just bothering me cause I’ve been in love with him for almost 5 months, while I’ve seen him maybe FOUR TIMES during these five months. And I’ve never felt this way with one of my exes lol (cause i didnt love them as much as I love Nick?). And I don’t want to be direct rn and literaly just aks him about his feelings cause im 99% sure he’ll reject me cause it’s too sudden. I was hoping he’d fall in love with me over time, but clearly that’s impossible if we don’t hang out much in the first place.
I kinda had to let this out, cause this guy has been stuck in my head for almost five months which is nice but also really annoying cause there’s no progression, which is my fault obviously, but I’m also very busy since cause I’m studying to be a doctor and that shit is DRAINING and I’m going on erasmus next year so I clearly don’y even have time for him to begin with.
But it’s annoying because I KNOW I don’t have time for him (and I don’t know if I want to do long distance in the first place) yet these feelings don’t go away. All my friends tell me that I should just confess and just accept that he’ll reject me (cause I’m so sure he’ll reject me), and I want to but my mind is like ‘subconsciously’ holding me back that if I wait, that maybe he’ll like me? I don’t know what to do and I kinda hat that this guy has this much effect on me.
Anyway, have a great day and thank you for reading my post which is probably utter bullshit 🙂
TL;DR: I have a massive crush on this guy for almost five months. While I literally saw him 4 times during these five months. He never initiates text/calls/ suggest to hang out but I know he’s also like this with his friends. I’ve never been this madly in love, even with my exes. I hate the effect he has on me knowing I don’t have a lot of time right now for a relationship and I’m going on erasmus next year. Just a big ass rant hopeing this also solves coping with my feelings.
1 comment
Are you 12?? This sounds like you’re 12.