Recently, I have been contemplating a shift in my sexual dynamic with my boyfriend, focusing on his pleasure in a more dominant way. Although I have always been more submissive, I have been exploring new fantasies and getting lost in my own thoughts. The main issue is that I am interested in eating his ass and fingering him (hopefully get to his prostate), but I am aware that he is not interested in this. I feel embarrassed and guilty for even considering this since I have never expressed any interest in being dominant before. Although I would like to occasionally be a pleasure dom for him, I understand that he has no interest in being submissive, and that is perfectly acceptable.
However, I am considering whether or not to tell him about my interests, even if it’s just to express that I am open to exploring this dynamic if he ever changes his mind. I feel conflicted about telling him since this is the opposite of what we have talked about before, and I am worried that he will be offended by my thoughts.
10 comments
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If he doesn’t. I will.
Be open and honest and tell him what you want. The best sex is achieved through healthy communication.
Toss his 🥗
Also if you tell him, he’ll most likely give it more serious thought over however much time, and might come around. I think most guys default to saying ‘no’ to that kind of thing unless it’s clear there’s interest. Could be wrong, but that’s how I was.
Yes
Ayoooo😧
I wish my gf would. I say tell him. You never know what may happen.
Just let your fingers wonder during a blowjob
There are two different things going on here. You want to play with his ass, and you want to be more dominant in bed. Those aren’t the same thing. You can play with his ass submissively. You can be dominant without playing with his ass. He may be more open to one than the other.
Also, there is a ton of cultural baggage surrounding sex and how men and women are different, and what each is supposed to want. It might be extremely difficult for him not to associate submission with femininity, and ass play with homosexuality.
You should not try and make him do something he doesn’t want, but if his hesitations are based on cultural norms and insecurity about how him trying those things out might impact how you see him…then it might be worth some long conversations about it, and taking baby steps with some of that stuff.
It may help for you to discuss it as “something you’d like to try once or twice, if you’re open to it”, rather than “contemplating a shift in our sexual dynamic”. The first sounds exploratory and the second sounds like you might be unhappy, not getting your needs met, and want a complete change. Especially since these are just fantasies…you really don’t even know yet if you’ll like it as much as you think you will! 🙂