I consider myself to be an interesting person with a strong sense of humor, but my dry delivery and unanimated way of speaking doesn’t do me any favors, meanwhile I’ve known people who I consider to be boring (no originality or humor) but who manage to engage people because of their more dramatic and expressive demeanor.
First question – is it worth me trying to change my style to be more expressive or does that sound like an exhausting and futile mission?
Secondly – How would I go about doing that? Drama classes?
2 comments
I think you’re correct, a delivery that’s more on the dry side, with a lack of expressiveness, tending more toward the monotone end of the bell curve, will not be as engaging as one that is more expressive.
If it helps, think of it like this. Your personality is everything about YOU that matters — your opinions, history, preferences, quirks, knowledge, likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, humor — all of that is YOU. But your manner of expressing it, I’ll call it your ‘external persona,’ happens to be in a way that keeps much of that hidden and/or less accessible to people. It’s locked away behind a dry/boring delivery.
So, the idea is to UNLEASH that and allow the Real You to come out to play! One of the keys to unlocking this and making it work for you is to make the new version of you FEEL like the real you. From where you stand now it may seem or feel impossible, but I disagree with that — I think it’s VERY doable.
From a class standpoint one way to loosen up would be to take an improv comedy class. They have a LOT of exercises that take you out of your normal self and get you involved interactively with others. I think that’s a quicker route to what you’re looking for there straight up ‘drama,’ which will be heavily involved with acting technique, which you don’t really need.
If you’re looking for a less intensive way to begin I suggest starting in the privacy of your own home. If you’ve ever had a pet, have you noticed how we talk to them with MUCH more expressiveness than we do with people? There are a couple reasons for that. 1) They don’t understand our language, for the most part. So we HAVE to communicate via emotion/tone of voice. And we’re happy to do that! 2) Of course our pets love us unconditionally so we’re never worried about being judged by them.
Anyway, if you have a current pet (dog, cat, ferret, whatever), or even a historical pet that you remember fondly, use a similar tone that you would with that pet. Practice doing that when you’re home alone — talking to your pet with extensive animation (switching it up with everyday topics of no interest to your pet). If you don’t have a current pet, practice doing the same to an Imaginary Pet or even a houseplant.
Another exercise I suggest is NARRATING some of your daily activities an an animated and dramatic way as if you were a TV sports announcer assigned to do the play-by-play of your life for a rapt audience. So it might go something like this, “He’s getting ready to brush his TEETH now, I’m sure his DENTIST would be THRILLED to see his technique. Let’s see what TOOTHPASTE he’s going for today…ooh, an EXCELLENT brand…” etc.
Notice the ‘punching’ of particular words to make the delivery more fun and exciting. Get creative with what you’re saying, the more fun and silly the better. (this is where your sense of humor will help you) This can be done with almost any activity, so I’d suggest planning to do this at least several times a day. It can even be done in the car, with a fun running narration of traffic, or while out on a walk by yourself.
This MUST be done out loud. The idea is to get used to the sound of your own voice being more fun, animated and expressive. That’s also why I suggest taking it ‘over-the-top’ and being especially outlandish or silly. That way when it comes time to take this to the outside world it’ll be easier to ‘calibrate it back’ a bit, because you’re used to doing it at more of an extreme, so ratcheting it back will feel more sedate (but still much more expressive than you are currently.)
Do this for several weeks until you get really comfortable with it. The first few times may feel like “not me,” but believe me practice will help you turn that corner. Then when you’ve developed a certain comfort level, take a somewhat scaled back version of your Narrator Persona out into the world to try out.
People literally CONNECT with each other through positive emotion. So if you can develop that expressiveness you will have a MUCH easier time connecting with people and resonating with them.
So it’s worth giving this a shot. Remember this doesn’t change ‘the real you,’ just how you EXPRESS The Real You.
Great topic!
You have an interesting mind.
First q yes. People are more receptive to emotional conversation vs factual conversation.
Two. Drama classes? Thats interesting. Why not try conversation classes. They are what you need