Greetings, fellow Redditors!
I find myself in a situation where I could use some advice on how to balance limited interaction and advance a friendship. Here’s the background: I have been communicating with a girl in college, but due to our schedules, we only share two classes twice a week, and our conversations are primarily confined to one class. Outside of that, we rely on text messages as our main mode of communication. The challenge I’m facing is that I’m consistently the one initiating the conversations.
On weekends, she invites me to join her and her friends for video game sessions, which I thoroughly enjoy. However, what’s been bothering me lately is the decreasing frequency of our face-to-face interactions. Last semester, we used to meet up almost bi-weekly to study, but now those occasions have become rare. It’s frustrating to feel like I’m the one putting in the effort to initiate conversations over text or to invite her to lunch or study sessions.
Despite these challenges, we are still on good terms, but I’m uncertain about how to maintain and advance our friendship given the circumstances. Complicating matters further, both of us are considering transferring to different colleges this year, which adds another layer of uncertainty to our connection.
I would sincerely appreciate any insights, suggestions, or personal experiences you can share. How can I nurture this friendship despite the limited opportunities for interaction in college? Is there a way to ensure a more balanced effort in initiating conversations and hangouts? Additionally, I’m curious to know how I can take steps towards advancing our relationship, considering the potential college transfers.
Thank you all in advance for your valuable advice. I’m eager to hear your perspectives and learn from your experiences!
1 comment
If you are the one consistently starting conversations, then I am afraid you cannot advance that friendship. People make time and effort for whom they want to make time and effort for. If you are that person in their life, they will make it abundantly clear via actions. That includes them starting conversations with you. The more you desperately try to make this friendship work when you see the other party doesn’t care or value it, the less likely it will happen. Instead, the other party sees your attempts and loses respect for you. They will perceive you as lonely, needy, and clingy. They will wonder why you have no other people to text or no other things going on in life besides them.
Also, just admit it OP. You like them as more than a friend, but they aren’t feeling the same way about you. And guess what, they know you like them and you are attached to them ! It is not hard to tell when somebody likes you. Actions speak louder than words.
Here is some advice for you. If you like somebody as more than a friend, then ASK THEM OUT. If they say yes, then great. If they say no, then move on. Don’t ever settle to be friends with somebody you are attracted to. They know you like them as more than friends, but they will never respect you even as a friend.
If you do want to be friends with somebody, your behavior and actions should reflect that. A friendship is not a codependent relationship. Talk to them from time to time of course. But You should have a life outside that friendship. Don’t fall into the trap of being needy and clingy especially when your friend isn’t available to you for whatever reason. It doesn’t work, and it will cause your friendship to fade.