I (26F) have been seeing my bf (27M) for about three months, so we are pretty new. Overall I’d say things moved fast between us (exclusive a few weeks in), and at this point, we talk everyday, spend 4-5 nights/week at each other’s houses, have met friends, have plans to meet family, etc… I am positive he genuinely likes being around me, but for some reason I can’t shake the idea that he doesn’t actually like ME, but instead just wants to be in a relationship.
One reason I feel this way is because all of his friends are in long-term, committed relationships, and he introduced me to his community VERY quickly (within 3 dates). I felt a little weird about it at the time, but we have some mutual friend overlap (it’s a really small town) and I thought it was sweet he was introducing me so readily. Additionally, we have A LOT of sex (pretty much every night/morning we spend with each other) and are very physical with each other. Obviously this isn’t a bad thing, but I’m not sure how exactly to separate the emotional from the physical. Lastly, he doesn’t ask me that many questions about myself, even when it’s as basic as turning a question I asked HIM around back to me. This might be something more in my head, but it feels like most of what he knows about me I have offered up without prompting, and he hasn’t pushed further. There are some things I KNOW he’s never asked about that seem like basic questions…for example, one of my brother’s passed away about 4.5 years ago, and I almost always share this when somebody asks about my siblings…which I guess he never has???
What should I do in this situation? I’m worried this might be in my head, and I don’t really know how to start a discussion about it. In every other way, he’s been very consistent and kind and committed, and I feel very comfortable/safe around him. I don’t think he’s a bad guy in any way, but I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t actually invested in ME as a person, past included. Is this just how some people are?
6 comments
Can I just say I’m lowkey super jealous of you for getting g so much sex in with your new BF!
I wouldn’t worry about the rest. In time he will ask you questions and you will grow with him. I mean if it means anything I have recently accepted I’m into guys and I wish I was in your position!
Yeah, I think it’s a bit weird to not even ask if you have siblings. But you won’t know why until you ask him about it. And I think that’s a perfectly reasonable question: “How come you never ask me about myself.. like if I have siblings and stuff?”
Enjoy the sexual compatibility, because that may not come around again for a while, but yeah.. I would probably feel the same way you do about it in general.
Yes, it’s weird that he never asks.
Does he know you have / dont have siblings? If he’s aware about how many you have currently, then I can understand why he wouldn’t ask about them.
But yes, if someone does not ask any questions in return and so on, I honestly wouldn’t feel like they aren’t interested in me either.
Never asking questions about you is a massive red flag. He doesn’t ask because he doesn’t care. He’s not curious about you.
ADHD?
If he doesnt ask questions try talking about yourself if you can. Observe his reactions, if he is just ignoring whatever you say and trying to get you to stop talking theres a problem. If he’s interested in what you say its likely he just doesnt like asking things. But overall id say it doesnt sound good