F30 Dealing with a Serial Quasi Ghoster (M29)

TLDR: casual (currently long distance) “partner” text-ghosts every four or five days and won’t work on resolving the problem. I have anxious attachment and find this distressing so I’ve gone to great pains to explain how much it bothers me. Ended things yesterday after the fifth or sixth time it’s happened (in a month and a half). Need advice about what to do or say.

I (30F) have been casually seeing a guy (29M) for two and a half months now. The first month was mostly in person and we saw each other nearly every day for two weeks but I had to leave town so we’ve been doing long distance (still casual though).

Here’s the issue, since I’ve been away, we text every day but every four or five days, he’ll go quiet for at least two days before coming back. People leaving conversations hanging is one of my extreme pet peeves as it makes me quite anxious and I worry that I’ve said something wrong and been ghosted. I’ve explained this to him three + times and asked for a compromise (stop the daily texting and instead call when he has time instead, send an emoji to let me know he’s busy but will be back- anything) but he’s been insisting he’ll adjust. The last two times, he hasn’t apologized or explained or tried to continue the conversation that we were having before.

At some point, I explained to him that when he keeps doing something that he knows bothers me so deeply, knowing how I’ll (over)react it is essentially indirectly asking, for me to end things. He said that wasn’t what he wanted at all.

When he did it this week I essentially ended things with a screen so of the “indirectly asking” text and a “stay well.” text. In retrospect, that was dramatic and a little immature but I wasn’t going to have the same conversation a sixth time.

He’s not a bad guy at all and I’m well aware that it’s not fair to foist my issues on someone, which is why I kept asking for a compromise. Moreover, he’s not my boyfriend or anything so I don’t feel that I’m justified in making demands. At the same time, it’s really shitty behavior and disrespectful, imo, to just disappear and hit conversation resets like it’s nothing.

He sent a vn (why not call?) today without an explanation or apology because he felt his explanation would “sound like gaslighting” and said he’d been looking forward to seeing me (I’m heading there on Sunday for a day and he’ll be here next Thursday for work) and he hoped I’d change my mind. I feel bad and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not because I’d been looking forward to seeing him too. At the same time, being unable to respect a boundary or resolve a conflict is a huge red flag and I really am quite fed up. Just not sure what to do or say so I’m hoping you all can help.