Hello,
me(38m) and my wife(33f) have been married for 8 Years.
We have had our ups and downs but at this point I feel like shes done with me.
I am not perfect by any means and I know I have made mistakes that I am trying to make up for.
-Had a high stress job and became irritatable towards everyone.
-I abused alcohol(been 2 years since I stopped)
-Got in trouble with the law due to my anger and alcohol abuse(gone through anger management and classes)
-I hurt my wife while we had a fight.(took classes for that)
-Had financial trouble due to my legal issues and kept them from my wife(stupid I know..I have came clean and paid half of my debt need and still owe 8k back to be debt free) and my entire pay now goes to her while i uber on the side to pay back whatever I have left.
-My wife accused me of having affair and still believes that I have til this day. I couldnt complain or vent to my wife so I would reach out to people at work both male and female. She found one text from my female coworker(nothing sexual just asking about work and the stress of it). I blame myself for this as well..I should have just kept it to myself.
I lost my job during the pandemic and my wife started her career after school. We bought a house before I was laid off.
I went from Job to job but now Im stable with a new career. My wifes salary is now 3x mine.
She now belittle and criticizes me more than before. Compares me to other men and makes me feel inadequate as the man in the relationship. We are no longer physical. All coversations end in brining up my past mistakes and how much of a POS I am. My wife is now annoyed by the sight of me and nags more often about how little money I make compared to her and that I have failure written all over me. When we fight she always threatens me with divorce(this never changed ever since we got married). At this point during arguments, I do not talk back..I just listen and apologize about everything I have done wrong.
I dont blame her for the way shes treating me as I know I hurt and disappointed her continuously. No matter how many times I apologize, it doesnt change anything I did. I love my wife and I feel guilty that I turned a loving woman to a mean spirited spiteful one.
I understand my wrongs and no longer condone or partake in my past behaviors that ruined my marriage. I am trying to a better and more honest person.
I feel like divorce is the only way forward despite all my efforts. I did wrong but I feel guilty..but I feel like im living with a ticking time bomb that I cannot difuse. My anxiety is now constant and Im afraid to go home. I have a choice to work from home but I rather go to work. I’ve broken down on the side of the road a few times.
Is it time to move on and go through with a divorce? Should I endure and hope she will forgive leading ro a better relationship.
3 comments
Move on, your marriage is over in all ways except legal sorry to say.
Tough situation OP, but I would have a sit-down serious talk with her and see if divorce is what she wants. If no, then she needs to help save the marriage. If she says probably best, then you have your answer. If you feel comfortable that you have done all you can do to save the relationship, but she wants to move on, then you need to move on. It will hurt, but I would not continue to live in the toxic relationship you have now.
She makes 3x your salary. You could get alimony in a divorce. If it were me, the next time she even says anything. I would say, yeah you are right. But I do know one thing, after speaking with some attorneys about divorce. I know I can ask for and typically win, x amount of alimony. So if you want to continue to berate me and not treat me as an equal. I will enjoy living off some of your hard work, and not have to put up with this shit anymore. Anything else you wanted to say? Then I would just sit there, and say you know what, I’m done. Then see how she reacts from that. If she is not telling you how sorry she is and how she needs to change her tune. I would go and file for divorce. If she does, tell her you expect better. And you will not take any less then the best version of her. Then I would ask if she is cheating since she projected it on you before.