I 24F had matched with this guy 28M in december on a dating app and we clicked very well, he invited me over for a date and on that day my friend decided to visit me without notifying me in advance… I mean, I haven’t seen her in months and I didn’t want to let her go neither did I wish to cancel the date. So I spent 15min with her, told her that I had to leave and notified him that I will be late (I didn’t explain as I preferred to do it in person)
So I left after 15min- I arrive about 10/15minutes late as I told him and I was looking for him when he sent me a text complaining on how I was 5 minutes late etc.
I didn’t really appreciate how he reacted and just asked if he is saying it kindly or is actually angry because of something so unsignificant, I mean I was already there looking for him and I had a good reason to be late, notified him, and obviously had the intention to apologize. Anyway, he called and I explained why I wasn’t on time, he kept complaining about it like I didn’t tell him in advance…
I was a bit confused and said that I couldn’t meet someone like that and I better go home, he hang up when I was still talking and I left the spot.
I wanted to apologize for what I happened, we communicated very well before that but I don’t understand how or what went wrong. Maybe I was too harsh. I asked my male friends for advice and they said to not apologize and that I did nothing wrong.
But I fundamentally want to apologize because I really didn’t want things to end up this way. I feel somewhat guilty, or did he succeed at gaslighting me? I had a PN mother growing up so I am learning how these things work by myself and trying to be as gentle and apologetic as much as I can.
P.S: I see no problem with a arriving a few minutes late AS he knew in advance and I had a very good reason to, and it was just a few minutes, and def had the intention to apologize.
2 comments
He gets to have a zero tolerance policy for people being late to dates if he wants to, but it seems like very odd behavior to me.
You gave him advance notice that you’d be late, told him how late you’d be, then kept to the estimate you gave him.
I doubt this is the only way he is rigid and inflexible—I think he did you a favor. I wouldn’t apologize or contact him again.
If you feel like apologising over text for having been late, I don’t see any harm in it.
Definitely don’t meet him again or bother with him though, find someone more understanding and mature.