How do I cope with not having any friends? It seems that all is hopeless when trying to make friends. All I get are acquaintances when I join a club or try a hobby. I don’t have any true friends. They’re just regular npcs who walk by. I feel like after a certain while if you didn’t make friends in high school, it is almost impossible to make friends as an adult as most people just maintain their friends and not make new ones. I try to invite people to things, I try to host events, I tried volunteering but everytime I just get ghosted when I want to hangout with these people or they just don’t care. I feel that I’m a shell of my former self. I think it’s now impossible to make new friends that are not in your workplace/high school/college
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At 40 my only real friend is my wife. Basically everyone else I know is either family or an acquaintance. I used to try to get some of them to hang out or do stuff occasionally but they never really made time for me so I generally gave up on even trying. I’m a very quiet, keep-to-myself kind of person so as much as I’d like to have a friend, I don’t have much hope that things will ever change.
How old are you and what do you do for a living? A lot of people find a friend group once they are actually at a job they like. See if people want to grab a drink after work. It doesn’t need to be a big deal just see if anyone wants to grab a drink or something like that. Other than that all I can say is focus on yourself and what you can do to be happier and more successful. When you are in a good state of mind and not worrying about social expectations, it is a lot easier to find people to do things with. Also check on dating apps like bumble that have a looking for friends options.
Same thing happened to me. Nothing changed except I got a wife and made my own friends (literally) by having kids.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I’ll send all the virtual hugs to try to make you feel a bit better! Maybe a quick run through of my experience and what I’m doing to help myself may provide some insight as to possible mechanisms for you?
From ages 14 – 19 I essentially was all alone, barely talked to family, had little interactions with my Internet friends, and I was enrolled in a virtual high school, so my social skills were/are lacking quite a bit. This put me through a rough patch where I felt totally alone, and I was craving some kind of engaging social interactions, as most of us do.
I’ve always found online interactions significantly easier, so *all* of my friends I have, I’ve made either through online gaming, or getting involved in different online communities. Bonding over hobbies and similar interests made things easier for me, similar to how you’re trying to make friends through different groups and hobbies. Although for me, the online portion of being somewhat anonymous made me feel a bit safer as if I was less likely to be judged upfront.
Obviously this doesn’t replace the “physical” aspect of meeting people in person, sharing experiences, etc. Luckily for me, I had a long time internet friend that I moved in with, which helped with the physical aspect. Even then, at times it can feel as if I’m a bit alone. Which is probably from deeper rooted issues that are better suited for a therapist to try to find out. Anywho, what’s helped me to feel a little less “alone” is finding a bit of happiness within myself and my own little successes, this keeps my mind occupied for a bit on my little goals and gives me a bit of a confidence boost when I hit those goals.
I’m not sure what advice I can offer, but hopefully my little story and what I’ve done and am doing can be of use. 🙂