This org that I am currently in often makes fun of my blank expressions during rehearsals, especially the ones in charge. They would always find a chance to tell me that I look and respond to them weirdly, and after rehearsals, they try to imitate the face that I do and makes everyone laugh at me for it. They don’t know that my anxiety goes through the roof whenever I am in rehearsals, hence the blank expression. I always want to please the said person in charge with my abilities. But no, they focused on my facial expressions at that moment and made me feel more insecure, lowering my self-esteem. I thought they were helping me build my character as a member of the org, but I didn’t realize this was included in the package. I need advice on dealing with this. I can tell this will be the impression associated with me as long as I am in that org.
2 comments
That sucks it sounds like an org with a toxic culture in which case you are unlikely to change it. They could also be unaware and think it’s ok. I would try respectfully setting some boundaries with them and at least let them know that you’ve had enough and that it’s not helpful. If that doesn’t work tell them to fuck off and leave them on the spot and don’t look back. Sometimes in life you will encounter these types and if you let it go to far they will have others joining in. It’s not about you bc if they really were trying to help you they would’ve said it in private. It sounds like they’re grooming you to be their scapegoat and ego boosting entertainment which you didn’t sign up for. Respect yourself by asserting yourself and then leaving if they can’t respect you. If you’re a kind person and a hard worker or good student you will get this sometimes bc toxic insecure people hate your inner light and feel a need to bring you down to their level. Is childish behavior at best. There’s maybe some harmless teasing but at some point as in the moment you feel less than or put off or feel your emotions changing for the worse then listen to those feelings bc they’re wanting you to take some action as sitting there allowing yourself to be abused will only continue to destroy all that’s good in you. You deserve better than that.
If they’re actually good people who just took it too far unknowingly then they’ll understand and stop. If not then the ball is in your court. If you run and say nothing or allow it to go further you’re setting yourself up to be victimized by others. I’ve had to learn this too. You can be nice and avoid conflicts that are trivial and unnecessary but this kind of thing needs addressed and if it means an end to the relationship or your membership in the group then so be it. Find another tribe or start your own.