I don’t know if this is the best place to post this, but I’m REALLY worried and I don’t know what to do. My best friend called me an hour ago and insisted on telling me about how he wanted, when he dies, his organs not to be donated and to be buried next to his grand-mother and other stuff. He is bipolar and has a familial history of psychosis. I tried to call him again but he doesn’t answer, his sister says that she talked to him half an hour ago and that he was fine. We live quite far from each other though in the same region, I don’t have a car and it’s too late to hitchhike to his house. I don’t want to call the cops on him, they are going to trust me over him and lock him in the hospital again. Is this alarming or am I just another crazy b\*tch ?
TL;DR: My bipolar best friend gave me an abnormal phone call about how he wanted his body to be treated when he dies, I don’t know what to do about it.
6 comments
Well, there’s not much you can do.
I mean, it isn’t like a wellness check will prevent anything unless it’s at just the right moment.
From the friendship side of things, you’ve got more chance of effecting assistance anyway. Being present, and it doesn’t have to be in person, helps more than almost anything.
And you’ve got the perfect reason to reach out. Him telling you his wishes is useless unless it’s done correctly because next of kin would be in charge of that.
So you reach out and explain that to him, that it’s great he trusts you with it, but he’s going to need to set up living wills and actual wills if he wants his wishes to mean anything.
This gives you a chance to ask if he’s sick, or if there’s another reason for it. It could just be a temporary obsession generated by the bipolar swings rather than a sustained issue. There’s more than one reason for someone to talk about that kind of thing, but if he’s in need of help, it can take outside convincing for people to overcome the inertia of it. Reaching out and discussing things from a practical standpoint is the perfect entry to that talk.
That’s really all you can do right now.
This is alarming. Is there some sort of local mental health organization you can call instead of cops or the hospital? Community orgs and aids prefer to actually help the victim by listening to what the victim needs. Maybe try talking to NAMI and see if they can help you find any appropriate assistance.
Call his parents or someone who lives close to check in
Make him feel heard.
A lot of times when people are a danger to themself, it is because they feel alone. That noone can hear or understand them. That they won’t be missed.
The easiest way to fix that situation is make them feel heard. Feel seen. Know they aren’t alone and that you care.
Agree with his wishes. Talk about what you would want in those situations. Turn the conversation towards things that you want or know about together. Give him a feeling of love and understanding.
That’s the best you can do as a friend. Be that friend.
It’s possible he’s manipulating you – saying things that he knows will upset you to get your attention or guilt you into caring for him. Huge red flags.
My sister and her best friend had a talk about how things should be done when they are not longer alive. My sister passed a sudden death short after from an illness. Thankfully we exactly knew what she wanted due to her friend.
Sometimes it’s good to talk about stuff like that, but my sister wasn’t mentall ill, though.
You contacted his sister already, there is not much you can do now.