Maybe I’m being cruel. But god it felt so bad. We had 3 weeks without seeing each other and when he got home we had sex and there was no issue. Now yesterday we were in the couch and kind of uncomfortable and he got soft. So I sucked him, he didn’t finish so he got hard again. I got on top and he went soft again. I sucked again and he told me to stop because he was going to orgasm. I went to get a condom and when I got back he got soft again. This has never happened before in the 5 years of knowing him but also we don’t do it often because he’s always out. So I turned doggy style and he orgasmed quick. He even said how it was weird that happened to him.
Was this ED? I couldn’t handle being with a porn addict especially because we never see each other and it would hurt me so much and he knows this. I felt unattractive, uncomfortable and weird.
17 comments
It’s VERY possible that this is just a one off thing. If he said it surprised him, take him at his word! Don’t read into it too much if it isn’t a pattern yet.
Dicks can be fickle creatures. We can’t always fully understand why they do what they do. Just try not to be too judgmental about the occasional mishap as long as your partner isn’t a dick about it.
Yes, you are being cruel.
For guys in general, being able to sexually perform is a huge part of their manhood, their identity. Society says that guys who can’t are pathetic, useless, losers.
So he has some ED – for the first time in FIVE YEARS – and you make it about you, then start talking shit about how you can’t handle being with a porn addict?
Shame on you. Holy shit. He’s not a Fucktron 2000, he’s a human being.
Here’s how ED works:
* some weird issue happens. Maybe it’s physical, maybe he’s had a stray thought (you made a face, he’s worried he’s hurting you, whatever) and he loses his erection.
* immediately, the guy starts to worry what’s wrong. He fixates on it. He feels like shit when it won’t get hard.
Guess what makes ED a thousand times worse? If you guessed some combination of “worrying about it” and “feeling bad about it”, you win.
So the guy gets stuck in a feedback loop, feeling bad for not being able to perform, and not being able to perform due to feeling bad.
A good partner, a good person, realizes that he’s not a machine and reassures him. Moves sex to something else – maybe asks him to give oral, something where he can still please his partner and not feel useless.
But no, instead yo made this about YOU and how YOU felt, and are talking shit about porn addicts.
That’s so incredible shallow and selfish.
The main pipeline connecting a dick to the body doesn’t go to the bladder or balls, it goes to the brain and brains are MYSTERY BOXES. He could have been consciously ready to go and all in but some random ass subconscious thing was keeping his dick soft. It’s almost definitely not you the same way most instances of the body not being ready for sex when the mind is is not about the other person. This crosses genders, too. Many pussies don’t get wet or loosen up and it’s a million different reasons.
In general we as humans need to know that “it’s not about me” most of the time. Get comfy with that and be chill and relaxed and adaptable. Chances are high that it was some small thing and he subconsciously caught on to your disappointed energy and that made it worse. Just roll with it and it should be fine. Or maybe he is getting into actual ED and needs a pill or to change lifestyle/diet or something else!
Nerves, exhaustion, medication are the big three common things for me to not have a lasting erection.
Depending on how often he masturbates could also cause him to be limp more often.
If you were giving vibes of being uncomfortable or weirded out, that too could have an effect. There’s so many possible reasons it happened. These things happen in relationships, even to myself and my wife.
When it happens to us, I focus more on her and making sure she feels good and I don’t dwell on the fact I can’t keep an erection.
I would also recommend giving a cock ring a shot to see if that helps.
My advice is try not to take it personally. Dicks are controlled by unconscious blood vessel valves that he literally doesn’t control. It will be a lot less stressful if you focus on the times you have good sex with no issues instead of torturing yourself.
Ironically, knowing that it’s such a big deal for you can add to his stress, which can add to his worry, which can soften dicks because the body assumes the fear is due to danger and routes blood back to fight or flight systems.
Alternately, he could get some pills to stay permahard. Although weirdly that’s like him taking a pill that helps calm your nerves. 😂
Bodies aren’t robots, people can’t control what their dick does.
How do you know he’s a porn addict?? This type of thing can happen for a lot of different reasons. I developed a total lack of clitoral erections and serious orgasm problems when I went on a neuroleptic medication back in 2021- if anybody had accused me of being a porn addict I would’ve been devastated. Nervousness and other health related things can also be a factor.
Is he on any new medications?
Holy hell. Based on your account, I’d say you are being completely unreasonable and cruel. Do you understand every single thing that happens with your vagina? Things happen. For you to go off the deep end after he’s pretty much been a beacon of consistency for years is pretty insensitive and selfish.
Here’s the deal. Hopefully our penises work they way we want them to most of the time. Sometimes, they don’t. We usually don’t know why. It could be stress, or any number of non-sex related things. It could also be some sex related things, but it is almost never about the person that we are having sex with. The best thing to do if your partner ever has an issue is not make a big deal of it, and continue the sexual experience. It may end up being a shit one. Maybe he won’t be able to get it up, maybe it’ll be unsatisfying. But harping on it will only make him feel worse, get in his head, and increase the likelihood of it happening again. Don’t ask him why it’s happening. He likely doesn’t know. Don’t ask him what you need to do. It’s not about you. And if there is something, he would definitely say so. All of this increases the pressure and hurts the chances of him being able to perform.
It’s not ED if it has happened once in 5 years. But you are certainly going to make it so with how you are reacting. This reaction is going to stick in his brain and give him nerves about this, and it’s going to get worse.
>Maybe I’m being cruel.
>
>it made me feel I don’t want to have sex with him
Yeah, it’s cruel.
This happens to everyone and him getting soft and you getting worried about it is exactly why he couldn’t stay hard after. Dude was super anxious
It’s super weird you felt like making a thread because a dude got soft in one encounter. If this was a constant issue that would be a whole nother thing.
So by that logic he should not want to have sex with you if you’re not dripping juicy wet instantly and for the entire duration of sex. Imagine the flame a guy would get on here for posting that. You’re being cruel. He can’t help it just like you can’t help some things about your body.
Listen. What everyone else is saying is true. I won’t discount what they said at all but I just wanted to say that I absolutely understand how you feel. It happened to me twice in a row, two different guys. (Like more than a month apart not like the next day)
It shook me enough that I backed off dating and haven’t been able to get back to it. Because despite it happening for very legitimate reasons (guy 1 was over tired, guy 2 didn’t like my condom brand) I would absolutely be devastated if it happened again with a different guy. It hurts and I understand feeling rejected, it’s not invalid to feel that way, but again as others said, be kinder to the man.
You didn’t realize your partner isn’t a sex toy right?
Op just looked through your posts and I am sorry to say you need some professional help way above Reddit pay grade. You have some very self destructive tendencies that decimate your relationship. You are projecting all your insecurities. Professional help will be best to communicate better with your partner and it will give your partner some safe space to communicate as I am certain you are adding to your issues with how you currently are. I wish you the best but you need help.
You are so tightly wound up you can’t see the wood for the trees. You also need an impartial opinion from someone who can tell you when you are being unreasonable. If you want to save your relationship time to take a big step and work on yourself and show your partner you know you need to work on yourself.
At the moment you are picking at scab on your relationship and you won’t be happy till it’s bleeding profusely. Then you stand back and blame your partner and say look at what you have done.
I didn’t want to pick through your old posts but it was littered with red flags.
I hope you can a moment of clarity and see the negative spiral you are clearly in
You’re not being cruel. You are just instinctively acting on your emotions. If it’s disappointing, well you can’t control yourself. Your response and feelings are justifiable. Only thing I would do is have a sincere talk with him. He just may be in the initial start of ED, this is very very common amongst men. Just be a bit gentle with him.
Calm down and support him. Men aren’t fuck machines.