ETA: For clarity, my husband’s reason for taking issue was not over what or how I said something to my toddler. He expressed no issue regarding that. I think I had more of an issue with that than he did (mom guilt). His issue was specifically that I shouldn’t not have felt frustrated from caring for my toddler that day. When I said I had a right as a mom and a primary caretaker to feel frustrated he doubled down and called me manipulative.
Recently I [34F] expressed aloud halfway to myself and halfway to my toddler (despite his inability to know what I was saying)that he had been getting on my nerves all day. I did not raise my voice, and my toddler did not even glance in my direction.
My husband [35M], who was in the same room but not a part of anything that was going on and wasn’t present when I was tending to my toddler that morning, felt the need to make a face at me like I was crazy and comment about how long the baby slept (11:30 am-1:00 am) vs. how long he had been awake (8 am-11:30 am) as a way to tell me that my feelings/venting was “wrong” and that the situation I was dealing with shouldn’t have led me to feel like he was “getting on my nerves.”
He left the room immediately. When I asked him why he was so mean towards me for expressing annoyance triggered by a toddler, he replied that he wasn’t being mean; he was telling me his opinion on my feelings and that he wasn’t speaking to me until I apologized for trying to manipulate him into thinking he was wrong for telling me I shouldn’t be complaining about the child driving me crazy since a “large portion” of that time was a nap.
Should I apologize and try not to vent like that anymore or should I stand my ground on this one?
For the record, I tend to my young toddler independently during the night and provide the majority of the care all day, including 95% of all diaper changes, 100% of all baths, feedings, etc…
3 comments
See, sometimes I get really really annoyed by my kids. But I also get really really personally hurt and offended if anyone else says they are annoyed with my kids. Maybe he felt some sort of personal responsibility and felt protective of the kid and that’s why he reacted that way. Maybe you could talk about a more equitable distribution of care and ask him for help when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Not only would I not apologize….I would leave the house for a for hours and leave him to take care of the child. I think you need a break
Personally, I wouldn’t say this in front of my kid, whether I thought he was listening or not. Because they understand and take in WAY more than we really realize.
But also, if my spouse wasn’t helping much with the child raising, I probably wouldn’t care much what they thought about how I raised the child.