One of my friends came back to the city, and she is friends with both my best friend and me. So the 3 of us have a group on whatsapp. She messaged on the group yesterday(25th) saying we should hang out on Friday(26th), and I agreed.
Cut to yesterday at 11pm, I get a call from her saying that her and the best friend are already out today too to a bar, and she forgot to ask me. She said she thought that the best friend would tell me so thats why she didnt ask before.
Should I confront her and tell her how rude that was? Like how do you just forget to ask
EDIT: This sub is for asking advise/help but looking at the responses here people are just straight up commenting nasty mean and abusive comments. Do you guys not see the purpose of this sub
36 comments
Unless she’s done this sort of thing before then I would just leave it, she could just be telling the truth and thought your best friend would have told you
Maybe it was a romantic outing.
I think you should just take the advice that keeps being given on each sub you’ve asked this question. To sum up it’s a resounding “drop it”, you’re assuming this was on purpose. If it’s bothering you this much then hear them out but don’t be confrontational about it. It truly could have been a mistake. If you just want to be mad at your friends and not take advice then I don’t think you need Reddit to help you.
I would just let it go. Let them know to invite you next time. Sometimes people don’t always want to invite everyone and that’s ok.
Maybe they wanted to have a chat without you and that shouldn’t be a big of a deal. You’re all hanging out on Friday anyway? Best to look like it’s not a big deal than making a big deal out of it this time
So she texted you while they were out? it sounds like she realized you hadn’t been invited and immediately reached out to you!
How is it that you didn’t check back in with the two of them prior to the day/evening you were actually planning for? Like by 2 pm if I didn’t know what the plans were I would’ve said/texted “So, what are the PLANS?” or “How about X?” etc.
It seems fairly passive that you just waited for them to inform you. It would be helpful to be more proactive.
I mean, if she messaged the group with you in then I don’t think the friend did this maliciously, otherwise she just would’ve messaged the best friend privately.
As for the best friend yes it’s possible that they purposefully didn’t tell you (for example, the friend told them to tell you but they didn’t)..but there’s no real way of knowing and accusing them is just gonna make things worse.
Unless this is a pattern or becomes a pattern, leave it.
Well judging by your responses and not taking people’s advice that you asked for I’d say they didn’t forget but rather didn’t want to deal with your bad quick to anger personality. Or they seriously just forgot it happens when people are close they will assume the other person invited said friend and then realize that they never invited said friend because they assumed one of them already invited said friend. Get over yourself
You’re not always the main character of every story. Mixups in communication happen, not everything is calculated. Unless there’s a track record of previous slights and exclusions I would just DROP IT.
Not rude of her. She has no obligation to invite you anytime she goes out and it wasn’t the day y’all had agreed to hang out on. Just because you took it personally doesn’t mean it was.
if it wasn’t a mistake, she wouldn’t have called, let alone with a sense of urgency when she realized
Sounds like miscommunication, as others have said. Friend A thought Friend B would tell you and vice versa.
Try being more active about planning things. Don’t just sit back and wait to hop on the plans of other people but be involved with planning things yourself
Its too bad your phone only receives calls and messages. You should upgrade to an adult one that allows you to call out and send texts as well.
I’m gonna be honest, my instinct is that there’s no malice or ill will. You might want to pause and figure out why you feel so attacked, there might be something more good on. I obviously don’t know the situation, but if I were me I might tell them that it hurt me, but I probably wouldn’t do much more than that unless there was more going on (such as it repeatedly happening).
Fuck her. Call her out on that BS! No way over reacting could blow up in your face and possibly cost you not one but two friendships. It’s totally worth finding out. Why stay calm when you can just about throw hands? That’s my motto. And I’m always a good friend to you that’s why I’m telling you. But on that note….
Why didn’t you invite me over to read all these responses. You know what, f*ck y*u too!
I wouldn’t. If they really didn’t want you there, they wouldn’t have invited you after. They’d just cancel the plans on the 26th.
Let it drop. Honestly a text would have worked, right? Maybe they wanted some time without you there. That’s reasonable.
Nothing to confront other than your own emotions over this. Why is it a big deal to you? Why are you offended? They did nothing wrong imo.
The ‘forgot to tell you’ is a lie obviously. However, some lies come from a fear of confrontation. So, no, not confront. Just let it drop
You’re making waaaaay too much out of this, especially since she called. Shit happens, communication isn’t always perfect and your friend is probably still your friend despite what you’re feeling at the moment. Others here have said let it go and I agree. It’s a non-issue that you’re stressing about.
Chef Rules for life #13:
Never attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence, ignorance, or a mistake.
This has saved me so much misery.
No one is out to get you, except for your own ego and its insecurities.
Don’t confront at all. It sounds like a miscommunication
How did your best friend knew the place of meet? Did she tell her personally? Or How did she knew the place of meet? Did he tell her personally? When and how was the meeting place decided?
Why are you assuming she is lying. It sounds like she reached out to you to explain what happened pretty quick. Stop being so insecure.
I believe that if none of them wanted to see you, they wouldn’t have called you to let you know. (I used they as im sure they both agreed to call)
Things like that happen, you shouldn’t feel excluded or anything
If you can’t give a good friend some leeway of being a bit scatterbrained and absent-minded, who can you give leeway to? My best friend and I are both a bit ditzy and forget stuff all the time, we just laugh, say “Its okay, I love you anyway” and go about the day. Trust me, she already feels pretty bad about this muddle, you don’t need to make her feel worse.
I don’t think she was being rude it seems like she genuinely invited you the second she realized you hadn’t been informed of the plans. I mean if I imagine myself in her position, I think I’d assume that if I’m with someone who’s closer to the mutual friend than me, I’d assume they’re the ones relaying plans. At the same time, if I were the best friend, I’d probable assume the one making the plans is the one relaying information / inviting ppl and not wanting to invite someone to someone else’s plans even if there was already the initial soft plan. It really seems to me like a genuine mistake imo. I wouldn’t stress too much just pay attention to how they act in the future. If the behavior continues, then it may be time to reevaluate.
Seems like an honest mistake. Just go have fun and move on.
I understand it’s disappointing to feel left out, but it seemed like an honest mistake. She reached out, so you have nothing to worry about. They are also allowed to hang out without you being there. As long as there isn’t one person always left out on the side, two of you being together without the other isn’t a crime
I don’t think “confront” is necessarily the mood you want to go for. As most people in this sub have pointed out, this is a classic mixup in communication. If any malice were meant by it, they would not have called you at all. If it needs to be discussed, *discuss* it. Do not approach this with “confrontation” in mind. People exploding or becoming aggressive at a small, human mistake is how you get people who are too afraid to make any mistakes at all
So they tell you they’ll meet on Saturday then end up hanging out on Friday instead? And texting you Friday at 11 while they’re already out?
I’ve been “the excluded one” and it sucks. I’ve also been on the other end where I was surprised to get invited to things I didn’t expect to be. Your uncertainty is justified. There isn’t anything to “call out” though. You can’t force them to want your company if they don’t, or if they only want it in smaller doses.
Plus it’s impossible to tell in this kind of a situation, it may be a genuine oversight and they actually felt bad for forgetting, but people’s words do not always match their intentions, especially when there is the potential for socially awkward moments/confrontation on the line. No way to know. Just decide if you feel valued/wanted by them overall and then either put more effort into the friendships or respectfully pull away accordingly.
Same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago, but I was the “bad” friend in this situation.
I have a bunch of friends from my old job that I like to drink with. A couple of them are available pretty much every Friday night (which is our traditional drinking day), and some of them are available a bit less often.
A couple weeks after I left that job, a friend texted me saying “holy shit dude, when/how/why did you quit?!” and we talked a bit about it, then we ended the conversation with “we haven’t gone out together for a while, next week?”. Now, this friend is what you’d call “the quiet one”, and one that is “available a bit less often”, but he’s super fun to be around nevertheless.
Cut to next week; I’m drinking with a friend who also left that job, we have a fun night. Then a not so fun tomorrow full of hangover and realization. Realization that I completely forgot about the dude that I promised a week earlier.
Now I feel like shit, and I’m making a note on my calendar to specifically invite that guy a day before for a drink on Friday night.
**TL;DR**: It happens, some of us aren’t computers with infallible CPUs, our imperfect flesh brains may forget stuff. ^^From ^^the ^^^moment ^^^I ^^^^understood ^^^^the ^^^^^weakness ^^^^^of ^^^^^^my ^^^^^^flesh, ^^^^^^^it ^^^^^^^disgusted ^^^^^^^me.
Your friend probably wouldn’t even call you if this wasn’t genuine forgetfulness (i mean it was a call, not a text, come on). You should probably just jokingly shame her for it and make a more specific plan for the future. Ignore all these bitter redditors and refrain from cursing her, her family, her livestock, and her country.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Friends that don’t want you around aren’t going to call you halfway through their outing to tell you that they forgot to invite you. Just sounds like an honest mistake.
What I’m thinking is why the friend who arranged the night out on Friday didn’t mention the night out on Thursday in the chat group? They private messaged/called OPs best friend instead to go out so I think it’s understandable for OP to feel left out.
But as others have said if it’s a one off then people do make genuine mistakes and I’d let it go to be honest I mean you know them better than us.
Was really upto the “best” friend to contact you.
Wow! You people are VICIOUS on a sub for “social skills” wtf????
Wow you guys commenting bs right now. If they were already out that means that she already knew op was not there. It sounds more like she hung out with the best friend first alone and then decided to invite op once she felt like she was being rude or to make it seem like it was innocent mistake or waiting to see if op caught the cue that she doesn’t really want to spend time with her and expected her to decline on her own.