How do I stop avoiding people? I really wanna improve my communication skills!

5 comments

1. Start by dividing your big goal into smaller ones and then train the smallest activity which is possible for you over and over.

   Repetition is the key.

   You could start by looking at strangers for 1 seconds while passing by and keep doing this until it’s easy peasy. Then you start adding a smile to the looking and keep repeating this. When this becomes easy too, start increasing the amount from 1 seconds to 2 and 3 seconds (first 2.. easy? Then 3..). If this becomes easy too, start saying “Hello!”, “Good Morning!”, “Nice fit!” while passing by.

   If you want to get up the mount everest, don’t try to jump up at the top. Instead, get the very first step done: “Plan the trip” and only if you finished doing this, you can start “buying the equipment”, and step by step going to the next steps.

   Otherwise, you will get overwhelmed just by the thought and be paralyzed up to the point that you won’t even start doing anything.

   You might also think about therapy or someone who is skilled in NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) to solve the trauma you very likely have, which is preventing you on a subconscious level to interact with humans.

   I would guess that you had an emotional experience that prevents you from human interactions.

2. I cured my avoidance of people and completely 100% cured my social anxiety, by reading social skill books and routinely watching [Charisma On Command](https://youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand) a youtube channel that vastly increased my desire to talk to people (to test out their advice). I like their channel because it gets into seriously specific conversations, so as you spend hours and hours watching their videos, you become prepared for a vast amount of social situations.

   Secondly and MOST importantly, i read books. 2 Books will completely change your social life, “What Every BODY Is Saying” by Joe Navarro, and “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnage.

   The Joe Navarro book expertly teaches you how to read and recognize other peoples body language, which will dispell any fears of social interacts because knowing the emotions of other people (and their opinion of you) will no longer be a guessing game. You can physically see their opinions and emotions with your own eyes. This book cures so much insecurity and is the foundation of my confidence in any social situation, because you become in tune with the feelings of everyone in the room. I could not recommend this book to you enough.

   Dale Carnage’s book moves beyond decoding body language and acts as a blueprint for ALL kinds of social interactions, and it is this book that transformed me from a loner shut-in to being addicted to conversation. Because you can, in combination with body language reading, now fit into any social circle and can tell when you are or are not forming connections with people. The book equips you with the ability to be aware of what to talk about and what not to talk about. And finally you can start having fun in social situations when you become confident in spotting potentially socially damaging events and topics of conversation, and tactfully avoid them.

   After reading these 2 books, and you’ll read them over and over, i recommend moving on to Patrick King, especially his book “Unspoken Social Rules & Etiquettes.” Patrick King has soooo many books on social skills, and they are all fantastic. Learning all these skills took me a looong time, but following this Youtube channel and reading these books is the best decision you can make to stop avoiding people and master communication skills.

3. I also want to know this. Covid fucked up my social skills big time

4. As we know, avoidance is “flight”, or a passive approach. Rather, being more active or proactive is the key to address the issue. Applying stress management skills can effectively help you to reduce avoidance coping. Essentially, it is important to be more proactive. That is, become more aware of your stress level and reduce it before it overwhelms you. Different people may have different stress relievers. For example, many find these activities helpful:

   – going out for a walk

   – pet your dog

   – yoga

   – exercise

   – dance or music

   – watch a movie

   – meditate

   – talk to a friend

   – take a bubble bath

5. **Start small:** Begin by gradually exposing yourself to social situations that feel less intimidating. Choose low-pressure environments where you can interact with a few people at a time, such as small gatherings or casual meetups.

   **Set achievable goals**: Set specific, realistic goals for yourself. For example, you can aim to initiate a conversation with at least one new person at an event, or actively participate in a group discussion.

   **Gradually increase exposure**: Push yourself to step out of your comfort zone by gradually increasing exposure to social situations. Start with short interactions and gradually increase their duration. Remember, it’s normal to feel nervous or anxious, but the more you expose yourself to social settings, the more your confidence will grow.

   **Reflect on successful interactions**: After each social interaction, take a moment to reflect on positive aspects or successes. Acknowledge moments when you felt more at ease or when the conversation flowed smoothly. Celebrating these small victories will help build your confidence and motivation.

   **Be patient with yourself**: Overcoming social avoidance takes time, and setbacks are normal. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process. Recognize that progress may come in small steps, and every effort counts.