Have you ever scared your SO (in the sense of her being afraid of you)? If so, what happened?

28 comments

1. She gave me a concussion and worried I was going to get revenge. So, apparently I was the one to be scared of.

   Figure that logic out.

2. Yeah, when we moved into our house I found this crawl space, in the chaos of moving in and hid there for about twenty minutes before I jumped out on her. She almost pissed herself

3. She woke me when I was sound asleep in REM. I had fallen asleep on the couch and she was waking me to get me to come to bed. Not sure what was going on in my dreams, but when she shook me, I came up, grabbed her around the neck and slammed her back down on the couch. Of course she was screaming. It was literally me coming out of a mental fog coming to the realization what was going on and I released her. Of course she broke down into frieighted tears and shaking. I hugged her of course to calm her. But yeah……scared the shit out of her. Later she told me it was my eyes that scared her the most.

4. Yes, it was before we got together, but an ex told me I scared her when her asshole ex picked a fight with me and I “put him in the hospital”. And apparently it was a turn on for her

5. I’ve been scared how girls can easily falsely accuse you nowadays

6. is infuriate the same as scare?

7. I had a partner who was abused, so early on, she would get extremely scared and shut down if she even perceived that I was upset, but we fortunately worked through most of that

8. Coworker was stalking SO and made her super uncomfortable. Told her I’d talk to him, so I confronted him and warned him that if he didn’t lay off, I would make life difficult for him. Kept it vague and non threatening as I was hoping intimidation would do the trick. I was planning I’d approach his wife and tell her of all the disgusting things he’d said to my SO if that didn’t work and escalate from there, probably legally as I had some friends that might’ve been able to help me with that.

   The next day he followed her to our apt (so now he knew where we lived, great) and commented that he liked it and was thinking about moving next door. The next morning he showed up to work an hr late as it turned out both of his vehicles tires were slashed and some windows broke in. I had worked a night shift and she was understandably pissed assuming I must’ve done it. She was scared of me for a while and I hated that, I literally had nothing to do with it and wanted her to feel more safe but ended up doing the opposite. Only time I think I’ve seen her look at me like that in the 10+yrs we’ve been together, felt bad.

   Turns out he musta been on several peoples shit lists for cheating although I don’t think we ever figured out who actually did it. Didn’t really matter for long as he was fired the following month (turns out my SO wasn’t the only one he’d been creeping on) and that was that as far as she was concerned.

9. I once got so high, I was convinced my SO was really a robot working for the government. Let’s just say she was not amused.

10. Yeah, unfortunately.

    She grew up with her parents constantly fighting and yelling. I was assembling some furniture for our new apartment and some of the stuff was extremely fidgety and frustrating. And after hours of putting it together, I screamed about how this is bullshit. A few times in the span of about 10 minutes I think. I didn’t destroy anything, didn’t throw anything, just screamed something like “Fuck this piece of shit shoerack”.

    I noticed she was gone and went to drink something. She was hiding in the kitchen, teary-eyed and with super defensive body language. Turns out me screaming reminded her of her dad and it was the first time she saw me that angry. So she didn’t know what was going to happen next.

11. She’s breaking up with me in the last week unexpectedly, on night 2 I tried to be spontaneous and go to her house so she could see me in person, thinking it might change her mind… she called me scary and sent me away and I’m still giving her space, it’s day 8 now and I’ve got no hope, I can’t live without her, what we have is still so special

12. My wife says I can be ridiculously scary. That is just me.

    She isn’t afraid because that scariness is never directed at her, but it still scares her some.

13. She never feared physical violence from me. She knows I would *never* hit her. But she was often afraid that I would make some sort of sarcastic or derisive remark that makes her feel stupid. Nowadays I try very hard to avoid doing that. It’s an unfortunate tendency that I learned from my father.

14. All the damn time. I’m so inconsiderate as to not wear a bell around my neck and sometimes she looks up and there’s this big dude walking around the corner.

15. The one and only time I shouted at her during our 5 year marriage. She slapped me during an argument and I made it clear when we got together physical altercations were a big no from me. I will never raise a hand to her and I expect the same in return. Told, more like shouted, at her if she did it again I would leave.

16. When my wife and I started dating I did it a few times. Not intentionally. She’s very shy, thoughtful, and intelligent. She was raised very differently than I was as she was in an abusive household (as was I), but her growth was shutting down and escaping the situation.

    I was raised that arguing, yelling, and *winning* a disagreement was how things happened.

    I’ve **never** been physical with my wife but learning I cant stand near a walkway/doorway, allowing her to go on that walk she needs, and most importantly not escalating a fight beyond letting it be has allowed us to grow together. In the early stages of our relationship im so glad she was patient with me learning about how she managed things, time and adaptation really helped. It took time and forgiveness. it took understanding different upbringings.

    I dont know how to manage it as I was the one that would raise his voice (I didnt think I was, but I was), and showing empathy and patience towards our arguments went a long, long way.

    They arent arguments now — Theyre healthy discussions. Its communication and meeting in the middle.

17. Yeah, when she saw me actually angry for the first time, luckily at someone else. I’ve never been actually angry at her so far (3 years).

    She didn’t take into account that like everyone else I have an upset stage, a pissed stage and then an outright angry stage. She never thought I could be more furious than “pissed”.

18. Not my wife. She has seen me get angry and I have a terrible temper, but she knows I would never hurt her or anyone that didn’t attack me first.

    Never once was she scared of me, she even teases me about it too hahah

19. It’s when they get quiet when you need to be scared. Yelling, throwing hands, *not okay* but *when your partner gets quiet*, you need to be real careful

20. My boyfriend scared me once lmao

    I surprised him with tickle and he hit my hand. I was TERRIFIED I’m dating a SO beater. Turns out it was just a reflex and he didn’t mean it, not has he ever hit me again

21. Multiple past partners have admitted to being afraid of me, and that it turned them on…. Yea anytime anyone said that to me, I’d feel horrible and shitty. I get they were trying to be flirty but that’s not how I am. I look scary, and I can be a bit unpredictable, and Im a black belt in judo, so I can understand that I am a bit scary. But get to know me and I’m the biggest sweetheart ever.

    In the end none of the relationships worked because they wanted me to do things that would scare them, and I’m too much of a kind hearted guy to do that.

22. Yeah but it’s been rare and we’ve basically made up through pegging in these rare but impactful situations because it allows her a sense of taking power back, or that’s the idea

    I always feel this sense of being between a rock and a hard place where I want to help and not voice vulnerabilities and seem like I’m pussing out (I’m tired, I’m hungry, it’s too hot, I’m just not feeling well, my foot hurts, whatever) but also recognize when overexerting and overwhelming myself is pushing me overboard so that I can be mature, take an off-ramp, and not get angry

23. The time my ex’s drunk brother tackled me to ” beat me up” because me and his sister had a VERY mild argument, I’m talking we just disagreed and we both rolled our eyes, and he got pissed. Well, I’m a big boy with a bad temper I control. I didn’t and threw him pretty damn far and had to catch myself from not kicking his ass. She told me it’s one of only two times she’s ever seen me that pissed.

24. Not really scared but my ex had a panic attack while we had an argument.

    I didn’t became violent or loud but we argued about her being mad at me for stuff she is doing as well, like coming late to a date. We lived 45 min apart and sometimes I came late, because the train had problems. She was then mad at me for being late, which I totally understand BUT she was also late very often and I visited her more often, than she visited me. I also had a more scheduled day, because of shift work.

    We planned a date one day, where we planned to meet up at a supermarket close to her place. She lived 10 min away from it and I had a 40 min drive. I arrived there and she came 15 min later then we planned, which made me mad, because she always blamed me for being late. I told her that and now she was mad at me for being mad at her. Usually I stop being mad quite easily and I’m really rarely mad at her. She was mad at me atleast 3 times a month for minimal stuff.

    This time I stayed mad, because instead of apologizing she was mad at me for being mad at her and I find it highly unfair. We planned a picnic together and she wanted to cancel it right then and there but I had a feeling, that she won’t be mad at me, once we start the picnick. What followed is her usual behaviour of ignoring me, when she is mad at me. This phase holds on for atleast 1 or 2 hours, where she says nothing and nothing I say would break this phase. I can ask questions, be understanding, be open but nothing comes through to her. She builds an unbreakable wall, so what I did was just being there for her and cuddle her, when she starts crying until she opens up. Once she opens up, everything is fine again.

    When we have an argument though, where she realizes she is in the wrong, she starts to say “I don’t know what to tell you and I don’t want to talk about it anymore”. I found this irresponsible because she wouldn’t admit her mistake for the love of god, nor would she apologize even though she knows she was wrong. It was a fleeing mechanism of her which led to a lot of unresolved conflicts. I didn’t wanted to push her, so I didn’t talked about it again, but it bothered me actually a lot that these conflicts weren’t resolved.

    So with this specific argument, the same thing happened. She realizes she was in the wrong and didn’t wanted to admit it or say sorry. She proceeded to try to escape the argument and this time I didn’t let it happen, because it annoyed me, that I always have to live with the consequences of the arguments. I told her how I noticed she tries to escape everytime she is wrong and that I would like to settle this argument. She started to cry and in a way she never did before. Like she was gasping for air, while crying. I held her in my arms during the whole thing and apologized afterwards. Needless to say that I felt really bad.

    Before you ask, even though you wouldn’t, this wasn’t the reason for our breakup. She cheated half a year later on me.

    TL;DR: Ex, who was very often mad at me had a panic attack, while I was trying to resolve an argument we had, where she was in the wrong.

25. I had just stepped into the laundry room to grab some clean clothes and get dressed. She likes to have a fan going, music, ambient noise. She sat down with her back to the door.

    I had thrown on my shirt, did up the buttons, rolled the sleeves and went out to say goodbye to my loving wife before I left for work. I leaned down, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

    She shot up 6ft in the air and tried to throw a spinning elbow my way while shrieking. I deflected the elbow and broke off, she spun, saw it was me then said/cried “I thought you left.”

    Then we laughed because it was absurd.

26. Hold up. Men. If your partner is afraid of you. Get therapy. Seriously. Stop blaming your spouse.

27. I’m perceived as being a scary person in general, short blonde hair with blue eyes and a maintained beard, tattoos all over. I’m a 6’1, former government contractor who worked in those fun sandy areas, with a fairly large muscular build (230 lean, but I’m currently 260 sloppy at the moment, but back in the gym started today). Told I look like a Viking or someone in the military a lot. I’ve had quite a few comments over the years from guys who viewed me as someone to not be messed with. I’m really a kind and gentle person though.

    My x fiancé was afraid of me, mostly because she was a rich entitled, alcoholic, narcissistic, controlling cunt who wanted to make me someone who was below her and on a leash. She owns a large business and treats everyone around her like an employee. I didn’t like that, I don’t enjoy being yelled at and told what to do. She was and is deathly afraid of me because I will snap back, without violence, if you treat me that way. She’s got a dead boyfriend who died in a car crash during a fight of theirs and a dead x husband who overdosed after they got divorced. She had me put in jail (why I got sloppy) for restraining her when she was the violent one attacking me. That’s the type of person she is.

    My current loves everything about me, she’s a x stripper Mexican hottie who’s seen almost as much as I have. None of my close female friends in the past have ever been scared of me, but were in fact very comfortable around me and have told me they feel safe with me around.

    Just really depends on the woman, her past and her view on what a man should be like. If you’re not being violent, there should be no reason for being afraid. People have bad days and events in their lives. Many folks these days take shit way out of context and form crazy ideas on how one should act. It’s a result with all of us living in our little echo chambers. It only adds to the stress us as men deal with in the modern 2023 times.

28. Years ago when my wife and I first got together, we had an argument about something or other. No idea what it was about now (it must’ve been well over 10 years ago) but it got out of hand and voices got raised and I totally lost it on her like I never had done before. It takes a hell of a lot to get me riled up, but whatever it was did the job.

    That was the only time I’ve ever seen my wife look scared of me and I’m still ashamed of how I exploded at her. No matter what happened leading up to it, she didn’t deserve that.

    We still have the occasional disagreement but we both try to keep it calm, or walk away if it’s going badly.