Recently my boss said that he will continue doing something financially we agreed on, despite that by contract agreement it has been due. I thanked him and said I appreciate it.
But later, I realized that he actually is not doing any favor. It just the way he worded it, made it sound like he is going out of his way to help me. But the scenario in which that will actually be helpful will 99% never occur anymore.
This type of things happen to me often, where I don’t realize what’s going on and can’t feel the situation. I feel extremely stupid after.
7 comments
Experience helps.
Some people in office environments are about making it seem like they are taking action or looking to get credit for something. To hold people accountable you want to make sure you’re laying out exactly what your expectations are and the deadline for it, reiterate it in an email after the call, and you also want them to respond in writing as well so when you read it the ‘spin’ that went over your head during the call can be responded to with you clarifying or pretending to misunderstand.
Don’t worry, you’re on the right path. Realizing it afterwards is the beginning of realizing it sooner and sooner, until you’re realizing it when it happens.
Then the journey starts to decide what you could have done/said afterwards, until you’re being able to diplomatically call people out on it when it happens.
It’s a string of competencies that you will learn to master. Your boss seems experienced in expectation management and wording things in a good way. You will get experienced in recognizing the bullshit and calling him out on it. Be kind to yourself and have some patience with yourself.
I think there is a “skin in the game” sort of issue here. I now look back at a lot of my younger business interactions and think that I really had no idea what I was doing.
As I got older and I started to actually have more alignment with the work, and real skin in the game for outcomes I started to care a lot more about thinks like commitments and contracts.
You become inherently more shrewd (a good thing) when you own money is on the line.
Ask clarifying questions. Basically take their response and spew it back at them with your take on it. I.e. Boss, just to clarify, when you said that you’d continue to do something financially, is this because it’s something we had agreed on previously or because something has changed with the contract agreement? Or: Boss, what I hear you’re saying is that we will continue to do this thing that we both agreed upon previously because of both financial and contractual obligations, am I hearing that correctly?
Point is that you’re getting feedback and clarifying their position, which puts the pressure on them to tell you what is the correct interpretation of what is being said. Then you recap the meeting of who is doing what and when. This is managing up.
>I don’t realize what’s going on and can’t feel the situation.
it sounds like you’re not present in conversations. one way to work on your awareness is to meditate.
Hey there son,
Firstly, I want to stress that you are not “stupid” – this is a skill like any other, and it can be learned and honed over time. What you’re trying to improve here is your business acumen and situational awareness, both of which are completely possible with practice and the right mindset.
It’s understandable to feel frustrated and less than sharp in these situations. Business contexts, especially, can be complex and challenging to navigate, with language often used strategically to influence perceptions and decisions. Here are some strategies to help you improve your skills in this area, some steps you can take:
**Develop your business knowledge**: Understand the basics of business, finance, and economics. This will provide a foundation for recognizing and interpreting various business situations. You can learn through online courses, books, podcasts, and following financial news.
**Learn to analyze contracts and legal documents**: It seems that part of your problem is related to understanding the intricacies of contracts. This is a critical skill in the business world. Familiarize yourself with common terms and clauses, and when in doubt, consult a legal expert.
**Improve your critical thinking skills** This is about questioning everything, analyzing situations, and making informed decisions. It will help you see through any manipulation or deception. There are various resources online, including courses and books, to help with this.
**Practice active listening**: When in a business conversation, focus entirely on what the other person is saying. Don’t just passively hear the words; try to understand the meaning behind them. Look for underlying messages or indications of their intentions.
**Enhance your communication skills**: A significant part of being “sharp” in business situations is articulating your thoughts clearly and effectively. Improve your verbal and written communication skills, learn how to negotiate, and understand the power of assertive communication.
**Ask questions**: If something isn’t clear, ask for clarification. It’s better to clear any confusion on the spot rather than realize you misunderstood later.
**Find a mentor**: Having someone who’s been there and done that to guide you can be a huge advantage. They can provide advice, help you navigate tricky situations, and share their wisdom from years of experience.
**Learn from your mistakes**: You’ve already made a great start by recognizing where you could improve. Use every situation as a learning opportunity. Reflect on what you could have done differently and apply that knowledge to future situations.
**Develop Emotional Intelligence**: Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. High EQ helps in discerning the underlying intentions behind people’s words and actions.
**Improve Active Listening**: This means fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the message. Active listening involves understanding the complete message being communicated and also noticing what’s not being said directly.
**Read More**: Reading widely—especially business and psychology books—can provide a rich understanding of human behavior, negotiation tactics, manipulation techniques, and more. Some book recommendations include “Thinking, Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini, and “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss.
**Critical Thinking**: Always ask questions before accepting what is being presented. If something seems unclear or convoluted, ask for clarification. Practice critical thinking to dissect the information you’re given and find the underlying implications.
**Seek Feedback and Reflect**: After any significant interaction, take some time to reflect on what went well and what could have been improved. If possible, seek feedback from a trusted colleague or mentor who can provide objective insights.
**Practice Scenarios**: Role play different business scenarios with a friend or mentor, allowing you to develop your skills in a risk-free environment.
**Build Confidence**: This can come from gaining knowledge, practicing, and gradually putting yourself in more challenging situations. When you’re confident, you’re less likely to be easily swayed or manipulated.
**Meditation and Mindfulness**: These practices help to maintain clarity of thought and emotional balance. They can also improve your ability to concentrate and be present in the moment, enabling you to process information more effectively.
**Stay Up-to-date with Industry News**: Knowing what’s happening in your industry can help you understand the motivations and pressures affecting people’s decisions. This could provide useful context in your interactions.
**Build a Network**: Having a diverse network of contacts means you can draw upon the experiences and insights of others, providing another source of learning and support.
Remember, it’s normal to make mistakes or not notice things immediately. What’s important is your commitment to learning and improvement. Over time, you’ll likely find you become more adept at understanding and navigating complex business situations.