Our son was offered and accepted an internship in New York that begins next Monday. Hubs doesn’t feel our son is mature enough to take on a huge task such as this. I will say, our son can be very immature, so I understand his reasoning. My issue is, we’ve purchased a plane ticket and I’ve purchased a few business casual clothes.
Our son left the house to hang out with friends on Saturday, and hadn’t returned (today is Monday). His flight is scheduled to leave on Thursday, and he has packed, hasn’t gotten a haircut, says he’s lost his bank card. My husband is requesting that I cancel the flight and our son will need to find a summer job locally.
Yes, he is 23 and still exhibiting childish behavior, but the HR in me feels like it’s jacked up to leave the company high and dry at the last hour. What say ye?
28 comments
23!! And you are still babying him… kinda probably why he is this way. Let him go,, let him grow, he needs this.
He’s 23, you guys don’t get a say any more man. Cut the strings and let the young man live! Man I hope this internship works out for him.
Either let him go to give him an opportunity to fail in the hopes of growing up or cancel everything but cut off every bit of financial support you’re giving him. Both your instincts seem to forget the need for your son to grow up.
Let him go. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t, but babying him isn’t going to help him grow up.
I see the problem. He’s 23. You’ve purchased both ticket and clothes? And you and your husband are the ones making the decision wether he goes or stays? And he’s listening to you? How about let him make all the decisions for hinsejf from here on out – he’s got a lot of catching up to do.
He is 23, it’s time for him to leave and figure out how the real world reacts to his immaturity. He will either learn and grow or learn and fail. Both are valuable lessons. Nothing makes someone grow up faster than not having mom and dad there to save you.
I worked at many places where people well into their 20’s had their parents calling them in sick, calling to fight with managers as to why they were fired or their hours cut etc. He needs to leave and figure it out himself.
You’re not hr, your husband shouldn’t coddle. He needs to realize he has responsibility for himself and the company.
I cannot imagine having this much control over a 23 year old man.
Your son needs to fail. He won’t mature until he sees some consequences to his action(or inaction). Let him go and let him be an adult.
Have you made contact with him since he left?🤔
Mom of a 20yo college student who works and lives on campus and gets herself to her classes and all that grownup stuff.
I say you tell your son to get a haircut, get his a*# on the plane, and go be an adult. The alternative is, you close the First National Bank of Mom & Dad.
Send your son off and make it clear to him (your son) that he’s responsible for his own financial well-being from here on.
So if he screws up he better figure out how to come back himself. If he blows all his money before the week end then he’ll need to figure out food and housing. Bank of mom and dad are closed unless if you two are willing to loan money at a very high interest rate.
Haircut and banking information is something he needs to deal with himself. Don’t give him reminders. He knows what he needs to do.
If the son wants to go, he can go. You literally can’t control what he does anymore cuz he’s 23. If it’s a one way ticket, if things don’t work out, don’t pay for his return ticket. He can work a save the money to come back
He’s 23. It’s time for him to do it. If he fails, he fails but at least he will learn something from it. At some point the baby bird needs to leave the nest. It’s time for him to grow up.
I thought you were talking about a very young boy not a man wtf, let the man go and either he succeeds or falls flat on his face but at the very least make him try
Is this an unpaid internship and you will be responsible for his rent, food & entertainment? If so I completely understand your husband’s decision. I wouldn’t finance a summer in NYC for my kid who has proven he is not serious about his opportunities.
I can see both sides.
You want to use this an opportunity for your son to grow and figure out his maturity. Which is great.
Your husband wants him to figure out his maturity, just not on the two of you dimes.
Are you really up to letting him figure it out on his own, or are you letting him do this but then 1000% financing it the entire time.
So why not compromise with your husband. But it sounds like you two will truly need to stick to your guns about this. You guys set him up, bought the clothes and the flights. It’s now on him to make it work while he’s out there, regarding finances and everything. Only ways he’s going to learn to be responsible is to have responsibilities
If he goes and does this and it doesn’t work out it’s on him to figure out getting back, ending a lease, etc. you and your husband both need to agree and stick to that. It’s gonna go against every parental bone in your body when he calls or texts saying he needs xyz but you two *have* to let him figure it out
I’d say this big move will be the making of him if he’s a bit irresponsible and immature. A big lesson indeed! Please keep us updated – hope it all works out well!
Ps your husband ‘babying’ him like this will indeed keep him in his current state. This is exactly what your son needs.
Your son is 23. It’s well past time to take the training wheel off so he can learn how to independent. Your son needs to fall on his ass and learn how to make his own mistakes to grow and mature. Send him off packing and off to this job in N.Y. at the things are going both of you are going to cripple him, and he’s never going to able to make on his own.
Just because he’s a college student doesn’t mean he has to be fully dependent on you. There’s plenty of part time jobs available so he can start paying his own bills and acting like an adult. Cut the umbilical cord and let him go. This is his sink or swim moment.
Reading this as a 27 yo woman who was out at 19 and been managing herself (now married but I owned a house previously and held a career since that age as well) – you need to stop carrying your son and let him figure this out on his own. He is like this because he’s always had fallback and someone to catch him. It’s time to kick the baby bird out the nest.
I just read a book about working with adult kids called Doing Life With Your Adult Children. Dang, it was incredible. Buy it now; for the benefit of your child and your marriage.
It talks about these situations. I have 3 Adult Children and it’s worse than raising a teenager. The mother in me wants to help, but they use me. I encourage their ways to never change.
Let the kid take his opportunity for the trip. Let HIM fail or succeed. If he does badly, set rules. He must grow up. Mommy doesn’t live forever …..
Let him know now that you won’t be footing the bill when he gets back so he knows to save his cash and not blow it in NYC. He might as well spend his money on fun if he knows all needs will be taken care of by y’all
hi OP!! i’m not married but i figured my commentary might be useful. i’m 23, i graduated last may, and i was also a child whose parents paid for everything as i made my way through school. leave him be!!! let him embarrass himself at his big boy job and he’ll learn the hard way. i understand why your husband feels the way he does, but i can tell you that my sister, who is now 21, was the same way as your son and my parents took the same approach as your husband when she acted really immature, and now she’s having a difficult time doing things for herself because she knows my parents will step in to correct things when she does them wrong. they wouldn’t let her fuck up! let him fuck up!! it’s going to be really embarrassing for him when all of his friends are starting their lives and moving on and he can’t even schedule a haircut. it’s an expensive lesson to learn, i admit, but he’s gotta learn it at some point.
I probably agree with your husband. People are so determined to think that an 18-year-old is an adult and anything over 18 is definitely grown. It’s not true. Old men in board rooms decided that 18-year-olds were adults so that they could send them to war. His brain hasn’t even fully developed, he’s like a toddler of the adult world.
Let him go. He needs to learn.
This is how you learn.
Let him go and figure it out. If he messes it up then he messes it up. The kid will learn that his choices have consequences.
at 23 you need to let him figure it out for himself. you got him the plane ticket , let him be he knows what he needs to do
Let him make you proud.