Recently my partner of nearly a year and a half broke up with me competently out of the blue. I was in such traumatic shock. I have not felt such a drop and pain since my dog passed away the year before. She had a followup call with me so I could better understand as best I could how she felt and I feel just absolutely devastated. I’m still just in so much confusion, denial, anger, and pain. I’m still trying to put together why so sudden and not even a “we need to talk”. It just……hurts.
About a week and a half or so has gone by and my chest has still the hardest knot, my breathing sometimes just erupts in a panic; and I feel just all sorts of absolute dread with my broken heart. This woman I absolutely loved to the moon and more; and what little flaws and eye raises that were present — all were things that were grow-able and not “they’ll change” factors. All were “ok, we could discuss” and we would.
Sparing the deets — now I am making sure I do not reach out to her, her friends, and trying to avoid the social media apart from some of the communication tools I need with some close friends.
I took all our photos and placed them in a box far away from sight and easy-use; and all my photos I have hidden, not deleted.
There’s so much I wish I could have done have just a wee better; and I am on now what i call the “warpath of improvement”. Before she cut our tie I had met with my therapist and finally had a few lightbulbs go off. I realized what I needed to do to be a better partner is ways I knew would make her happier, our relationship better, and have a hopeful better future
but I was too late.
What hurt the most was that she assured me I was nothing but a good partner to her. I take it as a “its not you, its me” and there is just things I truly wish I could have communicated better as a whole.
So now instead of the lightbulbs — I have the ‘fear of god’ hit me. The warpath of — this is life now; no wallowing, no idle; rest when you can but you have some serious mending and things to pick up on for yourself.
Because, the minsdet I want to have soon is “This is for me, this is for myself, and making myself better is going to make whomever comes in the time after I’ve healed — it will be a much better stage. Soon I am making an early trip back home to be with my family for a bit, take some time off work; and do my best to heal. Heal this broken, saddened, and very shocked heart. I hope to keep exercising, getting outside, maybe swim some in the pool, get some weights in here and there.
I WANT to cry, and my chest hurts constantly that I wish I could muster a hard session or two. Anything to share and help a man feel better?
6 comments
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Don’t blame yourself for the relationship failing. It takes two to make a relationship work and judging by her chosen method of departure, she was far from perfect. Improve what you feel you must but just remember her needs and wants are not every woman’s needs and wants. There will be other women with different needs and wants who come into your life. You can’t satisfy them all. All you can do is hope that who you are as a person can match well with someone else’s needs and wants.
Just be the best person you can be for _yourself_ and the rest will fall into place.
Sorry this happened to you man. Welcome to the survivors club. Folly to wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve. That precious cargo is best minded carefully by it’s owner. Sadly being in love isn’t the secret relationship sauce we intuitively believe it is. Don’t put the woman on a pedestal. Evidently she was a private person so your impressions of her were/are only the ones she wanted to give you. The experience can bring you to a deeper level of self acceptance if you delve into introspection. That self knowledge is paid for by the pain of the event. Many people never experience it and for those the veil of their true self never is lifted. These are often narcissistic people who never learn to be considerate towards themselves and others in their actions. Look after yourself bud, these bruises can take a long time to fade but with enough time you might feel it happened for the best in the long run
None of us are built for these harsh breakups, and something else they tell you is the older you get, the harder breakups become.
We have to learn to deal with this — it’s ugly, hard, and it hurts like hell. Using your own natural intuitive methods will typically not work. Work with a professional, whether it be a counselor, or some you tubers who work with people going through the grief of breakups.
More often than not time is the best healer, I know it doesn’t he’ll you right now though. Just try to take solace from the fact that you won’t always feel like this, you will move on.
Love costs us all and the price we pay is grief.
Good to hear you already have a therapist. That can definitely be helpful. I don’t think there’s any way for it not to be a miserable painful experience if you love the other person. That’s just how it goes. Every one of these big and shocking events is a stepping stone on the path to who you will become. You clearly have the right mindset to grow from it so now all you really need is time. You’ve also learned a valuable lesson for the future about having a partner who communicates well.