Before social anxiety i was a completely different person, I was happy, I had friends, if I had no one to play with I could simply hop on my game and meet some random people and become friends with them.
I started noticing some social disturbances at the beginning of 8th grade. I noticed I was much more aware of myself which caused me to think more about my responses; this worked against me though as how I’d respond a little weird from time to time and this would derail conversations. At this point I was still good, it was just sometimes conversations would be all over the place which I definitely thought confused the person I was talking too a little.
Then 9th grade happened and I noticed I didn’t know how to start conversations anymore but i could still hold them. But my social skills continued to decay, eventually I was basically a fucking mute, a shell of a human being. I couldn’t hold conversation with parents or literally anyone else except for one friend. It’s been like that for 5 years now and no improvements have been made.
I go full on panic attack mode when socializing, i shake I sweat my heart beat goes through the roof, it’s hard to breathe. I don’t have high blood pressure or anything i’m just that horrified of people and social interaction. I haven’t made one friend but i’ve managed to get myself into a few relationships and you’d think that would raise my confidence but it doesn’t. Nothing does, i believe i have it in me to socialize and that i’m not inherently flawed but a lot of the time that seems a little bit untrue.
Nothing works to make me better at socializing, i still have panic attacks on alchohol, i still shake and overthink on high amounts of xanax, nothing works, nothing relieves me of this burden and gives me even a second of relief.
I don’t know id improvement is possible, i honestly feel cursed like my ability to function as a human was stripped away from me. And as the pervasiveness of my
social anxiety continues I can see everything else being taken away too, because now i can barely even talk to my best friend (my one and only friend).
Whats the point anymore, i just want to be able to function through my day to day life. i just dont want to be alone. I’m not asking to be popular, i’m not asking to be a cool or extremely charismatic, why is this too much to ask.
5 comments
Can you see a therapist? Something similar happened to me, I’ve just started therapy and it helps.
I recommend the book, How to Be Yourself.
I understand this is not an easy situation to deal with, but it is amazing that by coming here and asking about it, you are already taking the first step.
We all have our weaknesses, but most of us also know what we’re good at. If we think we are inherently flawed and that nothing can help us, it is simply untrue. If you feel like this too, ask yourself: Why do I think my problems are so different from everyone else’s? So unique that I cannot change and evolve?
I would strongly suggest seeking professional help. Even when you are shy and nervous in social situations, you can learn to feel better and take control of your life.
I have no idea if it will help in full but meditation may help you with focus/anxiety.
I feel the same way although it’s always been like that for as long as I can remember. So I don’t really have any advice. I’ve never really believed that I could change. I guess therapy helps but it often seems like a bandaid rather than something which can provide a long term solution. Maybe it’ll work for you though. Good luck.