I’ve been seeing this guy I met on a dating app online, we hit it off in person on the first date and it’s been getting better and better with each date.
We have great chemistry and laugh a lot, there’s also a lot of sexual and romantic tension between the two of us. We can talk in person for hours. We typically see each other twice a week.
The only thing is we don’t text a ton and seems like we don’t have the same connection over text. We don’t have a ton to talk about over text either…
he is different over text and I feel anxious sometimes when texting because I feel pressure to keep the conversation going. He did tell me he is bad at responding to texts.
Another thing is we don’t share very many mutual hobbies. I find we are similar in terms of personality, lifestyle etc. both introverts that like our own time and both get anxiety.
Are these bad signs? Should I be concerned that this will fizzle out?
On the other hand, I have had great texting chemistry with people but when we met up in person the chemistry wasn’t there.
Tl/dr: bad texting chemistry giving me anxiety
3 comments
Don’t overthink it. Texting should just b used to set up dates. As long as u get a long in person that is all that matters
This is exactly the same thing I’m going through right now. I’m the guy though and admittedly, addicted to my phone.
I’ve been seeing a girl for about 5 weeks, 2 times a week. I work an 8 to 5 but she works nights and weekends.
We rarely text and it has me pretty anxious. If I do txt her, she may not respond for over 3 hour or a whole day.
The part that is odd is our in person dates/meet ups are electric. Complete with cuddling, deep conversation, and amazing sex.
She is bipolar (mildly) and on ADD meds so maybe that’s part of it. Still difficult when you have an anxious attachment style and spend a lot of your time on your phone.
I’ll say give him the benefit of the doubt. There are still people out there who aren’t owned by their phone and may legit not be good txters
I’d also say don’t overthink it. I’m in the same scenario with my boyfriend (+3 years).
If he says he’s a bad texter and he has it with other people too then it is no indication that it will fizzle out, but just how he is as a person. You can try and have a honest conversation with him about it and how it makes you feel. I did this with my boyfriend and it resulted in him putting a bit more effort into texting and me taking my “level” a bit down. We found out that we both view texting differently where I share everything when it happens (resulting in a lot of texts throughout the day) while he prefers to keep the stories to tell in person. We also found that I have kind of a text-personality where I keep in mind how responses come across over text so I always up them a bit in enthusiasm while he responds exactly the way he would irl (which, via text can come across as a bit dry). Maybe this applies to your situation as well!
In-person chemistry is more important than text-chemistry anyway I believe, also looking at the future if you’d start spending more time together!