My parents separated 6 months ago. For some context, my dad (60M) was cheating on my mom (60F). I’ve tried my best to support her emotionally through everything and she saw a counsellor for a couple appointments but stopped.
Ever since then she’s been obsessively ranting about my dad every single day. I’ve gotten to the point where I just want to move on. She says things like “I don’t want you to feel like you have to take sides” but then will also say things like “I’m so relieved you aren’t celebrating your dad’s birthday this year”. So when my dad does reach out to try and see me I feel like I’m betraying my mom if I respond to him with anything other than anger.
Things came to a head recently when my mom ran into my dad with his new gf, who is 20 years younger with two young children. She had an emotional breakdown and said that she was worried I’d get attached to the kids and abandon her. I said that wouldn’t happen but felt like a crappy daughter because I got a little snippy and told her that she needs to continue counselling because I can’t be her therapist.
Always being her emotional support takes a toll on me mentally. Any advice on how to stop being her therapist without hurting her feelings?
TL;DR My mom has been emotionally dumping on me after she and my dad separated and I can’t stand it anymore. How do I set a boundary without being a horrible daughter?
2 comments
Send her her a link to a therapist close to her and ignore her for s while.
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. She’s putting you in a really tough spot. Just let your mom know that you won’t be talking to her about her feelings about your dad. Let her know that you’re her daughter and are not her therapist. If she doesn’t listen (which will probably happen until she gets the hint), end the conversation. She needs to continue seeing a counselor and not relying on you for emotional support. Hang in there!