My sexual fantasies seem off?

44 comments

1. Fantasies can just be fantasies. If you feel more attracted to men, go with your gut. Keep questioning it further, though. It might bring insight.

2. Sexuality is just weird. I’m male and I seem to enjoy imagining sometimes what it’s like having a vulva and experiencing what the female in porn is experiencing. I mean.. I imagine experiencing all sorts of things in porn and that’s one of the things I like to enjoy. I’m overall happy with who I am and the parts I have, it’s just fun and exciting to imagine myself in another’s position experiencing what they’re experiencing in the moment. ♥️

3. Have you ever thought about pegging (men or women)? Seems like your fantasies are at least somewhat possible.

4. You think it might be possible that because the majority of porn is shot from the male gaze that you adapted a bit and started seeing it from that male POV on a deeper level?

   I’ve experienced similar feelings and that was my own explanation. It’s curious I find women incredibly beautiful and sexy and their body can turn me on as much as a man in a porn, but in real life I’ve had opportunities with women and there’s no sexual desire there. Admiration maybe, just no desire.

5. Hmmm have you considered…. Gender stuff before?

6. Have you thought of buying a strap on?

7. Yeah sexuality is wierd. I’m a bi man and I often do similar and place myself as a women in the scenes I watch.

   I love being a man and having sex as a man, I love having a cock, but, like, I *also* really, really love the idea of being the hot woman in an MF / MMF / MMMF scene.

   Like, I can’t ever experience that so I guess it’s just something I know about myself.

   As to your orgasm if with men. Do the men you sleep with focus on pleasuring you, giving you the clit stimulation you need, or do they go straight for PIV?

   Do you think that, if you talked them through the physical stuff you needed, you might be able to finish? Because if so, then maybe the dudes are letting you down here. Could you introduce a reliable sex toy into the mix to ensure you come?

   Do you have any sexual interest in women? How would you feel about experimenting? If you think it could be fun you could always try and see. You’ll learn about yourself either way.

8. I never fully felt like I was the man but more fantasize about my strapon being the real thing and developed into a real kink for pegging
   but I will say recently I did start having fantasy to Pegg a female
   But irl I want the opposite sex
   So I say just enjoy and fantasize
   I would think about a quality strapon
   If worn correctly you can get pleasure from it too by putting the base of the dildo against your labia with the center of it against your clitois that will give good stimulation when you push into them.
   You can try feeldoes but they seemed too awkward to me

9. I can relate to this a lot. I have often wondered what it means, since I (35F) am not interested in pursuing women sexually and very much identify as a woman. I have no answers for you haha, but it’s nice to know you’re out there :). I also have trouble orgasming from sex unless i’m touching myself and thinking about how turned on the guy is/his perspective. I sometimes wonder if it’s a signal of dissociation, since I probably dissociated a bit from childhood trauma and am therefore not very in touch with my own body.

10. Maybe you like being more dominant. Experiment on different things and try to narrow down exactly what is turning you on! Power, control, etc.

11. I feel like you should hop over to r/egg_irl just to see if anything else resonates with you. Fr my cousin came out at 34 and you sound like him.

12. Are you sure you’re not just a dom?

13. I do the same thing girl, I’m 100% straight, only love the cock, thought of touching another female makes me 🤮 no offence to anyone who loves getting good in a vagina, it’s just not for me. But I always fantasise that I have a cock. When my lovers rub my clit I imagine they are jerking me off. When I fantasise I imagine sticking a dick in a range of different holes, men, women, anything. I am also not at all in anyway gender questioning etc, I’m just a straight up heterosexual female who imagines having a cock a lot when I fantasise. I think it’s because cocks are so sexually exciting to me, I just like picturing them hard and in action. I have no desire to be a man or make love to women.

14. As a lesbian, I don’t find this weird. I think you may have… a preference (fetish?) for being dominant, connecting the dominance to the male role/anatomy. A strap could do you well -you can find lots of ways to enjoy being “sucked off”, “jacked off”, having a clothed or naked erection, humping, etc -it’s all totally cool. Some men will be into what you like -especially when they’re really into *you*

15. Tbh I think the reason I do this sometimes is because porn is typically so centered around the guy’s pleasure that porn is more enjoyable if you imagine you’re that guy

16. I’ve commonly read female sexuality described as women enjoying men enjoying them…. Women experiencing themselves through the lens of the man in other words. A by product of our socialization to be the male fantasy. Porn may have introduced a third party perspective that skews this slightly. In other words I don’t think you’re abnormal – visual sexual stimuli is predominantly female objects and the brain can associate anything paired with orgasm to future orgasms.

17. Fascinating

18. I’ve basically always watched porn this way, but I’m also turned on by women IRL. I had a little phase in college when I’d watch porn while wearing a strap-on, and I’d jerk off my “dick” while I masturbated at the same time. That made for some interesting orgasms, let me tell ya….

19. I think sexuality is just weird and the more time I spend on Reddit the more I’m realizing it.

20. Uhh there is an answer kinda presenting itself.

21. Holy shit… for a second I thought that I must’ve posted this and forgot about it! I thought I was alone…

22. Sounds like you will buy a strap-on in your future

23. Simple answer: You’re a Dom

24. i guess freud was right after all..

25. You thought that maybe you’re bi?

26. I (26f) feel the same way you do. I was actually pretty surprised reading your post because of how similar it is to me and I assume it’s pretty uncommon. Only difference I can spot so far is I do actually orgasm when having sex with a man.

27. This happens to me a lot too. I’m generally very eager to please sexually. I get pleasure from giving my partner pleasure, so I think for me it’s less a fantasy of wanting to be a man and more an extension of my focus on male pleasure. Also, women’s orgasm is usually viewed as more complex/complicated and men’s seen as more simple and pretty straightforward, and I think mentally sometimes maybe women like to imagine the luxury of such easy to achieve pleasure that they nor their partner have to put all that much effort into

28. Tbh I’ve thought about this some and I’m a lesbian so take from that what you will

29. Me too.. having same feelings.. but gender reversed..

30. I don’t know how common it is but I’m like that too sometimes. Not all the time but it happens. I do identify as gender fluid though.

31. You should probably lay off porn. Men get told this all the time, with warnings about death grip, but I think women can get a sort of “death grip” or desensitization too.
    I used to watch a moderate amount of porn, a portion of which was POV, where I would imagine I was a man. I used to desire a penis during this time, and I used to also consider myself bisexual with a preference for women. After getting off porn, I developed a stronger attraction for men and those fantasies stopped. I’m not saying your desires aren’t valid, I’m just giving my two cents.

32. 30f straight, I do this as well. Only when getting myself off with porn though. When I’m having sex with men I never do this. I had a bf that wanted me to peg him and I wasn’t interested at the time. Reconsidering it now though.

33. My partner uses her strap, fingers and fist on me. She can orgasm from the psychological effect that has plus there’s at least some external friction that helps the process.

34. Wait SAME

35. That sounds like a wombo combo for being dominant, penis envie & homo-erotic

36. Might have to do with the fact that MOST porn is created to stimulate the mind from a male perspective

37. im into women and always questioned if this makes me a lesbian vs bisexual, meanwhile i have a boyfriend currently. nice to know im not alone on this

38. This reads like a strong version of responsive desire.

    Some people want sex routinely, like they want water. Some people only really get turned on when they are touched up, talked to in a way that makes them feel desirable. Spontaneous vs responsive desire. Read Emily Nagoski *Come As You Are*.

    If you are a cis-het woman, but your turn on is largely about being wanted by cock, that makes sense. My inner orgasm chant is *put the cock where the cock wants to be, the cock is god* because at some foolish bestial level that works for me. I’m approaching twenty years of strict monogamy. As an extremely educated, very confidant, liberal feminist, when my husband and i are nearing the peak, this is where my head goes.

    My female brain just really wants to obsess on the experience of his penis and him having a good time, and that’s what gets me over the edge. That doesn’t make me trans, I don’t want to *have* a penis. I just *really like* his penis.

39. I had the same issue, but it turns out I was a trans guy. 😅 Obviously this isn’t a universal experience, but that incongruence in my head was a result of pretty severe dysphoria that I was in complete denial about.

40. I used to think like this a lot when I was younger too. I was always very curious what it would feel like for a guy and would often imagine myself as a guy. In fact I used to only watch male on male porn for the longest time despite the fact that I 100% love being a woman and don’t want to change that. I’m a very empathetic person and I can just very easily put myself in the mindset of someone else, and I just felt like sex probably felt way better for men, or at least different, and I liked to let my mind wander with those thoughts from a guys perspective.

41. If men have never made you orgasm maybe you crave that ease of orgasm that the men you’ve slept with are getting and associating that with a penis?

42. I used to wish I had a vagina and wish I could feel “being filled up” by a cock. Can’t say it stuck, was just a weird teenage thing, curiosity perhaps combined with the unknown and the “grass is greener” effect. The idea of it was probably more powerful because it could not be grounded in reality. I didn’t have a vagina. I tried sticking things in my ass but it wasn’t the same.

43. This is not weird at all. I am in the same boat. Except with the sex opposite. I am male. I fantasies the same thing about women.

44. Huge disclaimer that I am coming at this from the perspective of a trans man- specifically one who had this as sort of a realization of myself.

    It might be worthwhile to take this feeling as a starting point and run with it. Would you find similar joy or even just think it would be more useful to have a penis in other situations? Even just in sex, what would this male version of yourself look like? Could you imagine yourself dating as a man if you could? If you could just snap your fingers and become that other version even for a bit, would you?

    These are the kind of questions i asked myself when I was figuring myself out as a trans man. These questions don’t have to be uniform or universal. There’s also the potential that NONE of this is true, and that’s okay too. Sometimes a fantasy is just a fantasy. Either way exploring yourself and the root cause of these feelings might help you reconcile with them one way or another.