We’ve been friends for 3-4 years.
To preface this, he is one of my closest friends we go out basically every weekend together, sometimes in a group and sometimes just us. This past weekend we meet up at a local brewery and as we are walking in he mentions that there is a girl he met on Hinge here as well. I think nothing of it thinking that maybe she was also with friends, but she wasn’t it was just her, him, and me. Also, he isn’t exactly starving for female attention, he gets hit on almost every time we hang out and this was only their 2nd date.
We sat at the bar and they were next to each other so as time goes on, I’m kind of cut out of the conversation. Not on purpose but it started to bug me that I was a hard 3rd wheel here as I couldn’t hear what they were talking about so I couldn’t add to the conversation. I hadn’t eaten that day and my mind tends to wander when I get a little tipsy so I started thinking about the last girl I dated and that was our first date spot and how I missed her, so I went outside for a few minutes to get in the sun and gather my thoughts. Eventually some other people showed up and we started talking but I still felt like I was being blocked out of conversation and I decided I was going to leave and go somewhere else. I knew we had a different group coming out soon so I was going to meet up with them.
I left and went to the other bar. Soon, my friend and his date showed up there because he saw me there with a different friend and said they were going to get something to eat up the road and he would tell me when the other group showed up. I said okay. The other group finally showed up so I joined them. I went to the bar to get another beer and she comes up to me and starts talking. I’m horrible when it comes to talking to women, unless I’m not interested or I don’t think I have a shot because they’re with a friend or something like that, then we get along great. Anyway, we started talking and it started to become very clear that she was hitting on me. I told her a few times that this wasn’t right because she was there with my friend, she persisted. And after a while, my friend got upset and left. I ended up taking her home because she was too drunk to drive, and nothing happened. I did sleep at her place but only because I didn’t want to risk driving again as I had been drinking as well.
The next day she texted him and he was mad and told her not to talk to him anymore and she needs to figure out what she wants. I waited a couple of days to let him cool off as some other friends told me he was pissed off at me as well. I texted him yesterday and apologized and said I was not trying to flirt with her, she came up to me, she came there with him and it wasn’t right , and if me talking to her was going to affect our friendship then I would stop talking to her immediately. It’s been 24 hours and I haven’t heard back from him.
What can I do to mend our friendship? Should I try to contact him again or wait it out a little longer? I don’t want to lose a solid friendship over this.
TLDR. My friend brought a girl to hang out with us on their 2nd date and she ended up hitting on me and it pissed him off. What can I do to mend our friendship? Should I try to contact him again or wait it out a little longer?
4 comments
You totally crossed a line. I don’t blame him for being pissed. You risked driving her home but didn’t want to risk it again, so you stayed at her house 😂😂 come on OP, you do realise he’s going to assume you’ve slept with her. Even if they only went on a couple of dates, it’s still showed you’re a shit friend.
So this was only their second date, girl gets trashed and hits on you, you drive her home even tho you’re also too drunk to drive… well, first off, you shouldn’t have done that. Order her an Uber and order yourself an uber. That ain’t something to play around with.
Secondly, sounds like this girl is wildin out and nothing to stress your friendship over. It’s not like you (or your friend from what i see) described having a cosmic connection or anything. If that were the case and you were like “holy shit I could see her being my wife one day” I’d have a whole different perspective. But as is, I’d say – tell your friend she was coming on to you strong, you’re not interested in her, you should both forget about her and be friends. Put the blame on her if that helps. (“That crazy girl that got super drunk” vs “the girl that was more interested in me than you on your own date”)
Don’t try to act like you were trying to be the good guy in this scenario. You could’ve easily stopped this entire situation by curbing your conversation with her when your friend started to get upset. You ending up staying over at her house is inexcusable, you fucked up and probably made him look at you and your friendship totally differently.
If you want to actually mend the friendship, take fucking responsibility for being a bad friend.
First, im not sure how you thought “Hey I stole your date on accident, Ill stop talking to her if you want me to” would be a good message. Probably should of put her on your no-fly list by default until he has cooled off then maybe asked him if he would care if you reached out to her.