I’ve only had sex with one person (my ex-boyfriend) and it was terrible. Lots of coercion, body shaming, porn addiction, lack of intimacy, and using me for his own pleasure. Since we’ve broken up, I haven’t pursued any romantic or sexual relationships because I have severe anxiety about them. But a guy I know is interested in hooking up with me and messages me every so often playfully asking how I feel about it and if I want to. For context, he’s 25 and I’m 19. He is also the older brother of my friend so I have known him for a while. I play along and we sext but I shut down whenever he asks if I can commit to hooking up. I’m very attracted to him and I want to, but I feel like hooking up has such a bad connotation. I also worry that my lack of experience will be a turn-off to him and make things awkward. I’m stuck between wanting to do it just because I can since it’s what adults can do, but on the other hand, it feels dirty and like I’m being manipulated. I told him that next time he’s in town (he lives out of state for the military) that we could probably work something out. How should I go about this?
3 comments
If you don’t want to hook up with him don’t.
If you do… we’ll I’ll just say the fact that he’s asking if you can commit to hooking up like he’s trying to sell you a Dyson is a huge red flag and I strongly suggest finding someone else to hook up with
If you want to have sex with him then do so on your terms . If you don’t want to then don’t . There is nothing wrong with casual sex between two consenting adults but there’s also nothing wrong with not liking that . I am female and sometimes engage in casual sex , I don’t do it a lot and I try to be safe , make sure I meet them in public first , tell a friend to check in etc . But don’t worry about the lack of experience thing sounds like he will be excited just to be with you if he get the chance .0
You gotta tell him what you’re written here and make the call on whether or not your friends older brother just wants to exploit you or if you think he would be a good antidote to your past experiences. Honestly if you can’t tell and you don’t have a lot of experience, the smarter play here, based on what you’re saying, is to not do anything with him.