Burner because no way I’m attaching this to my main
It’s not a very traditional friendship that we have, I’ll admit that. We met a year ago at a conference and really hit it off. We’re both authors. I published my first novel at two years ago and this year used it to land myself a spot in an Ivy League double-majoring creative writing and journalism. Woohoo!
So we met at this conference and stayed in touch since then. But I turned eighteen four months ago and with that has come a lot of realizations. Namely, I can’t stop thinking about him. Ever. I’ve toyed with the idea that maybe it’s just admiration for someone very successful in my chosen career, but everything anyone has ever told me about being in love matches up perfectly with how I feel about him, and I can’t take it anymore.
We’re in very different stages of life. I’m starting out my college education, meanwhile he’s touring the country doing conferences and book signings for his fourth novel and getting interviews and full-page spreads in literary magazines. But despite this, I can’t stop thinking about how perfect we would be together. I’ve dropped hints a few times that maybe I feel a little something for him, and he’s never totally shut me down.
Then comes the problem of our mutual friends both in and out of the industry; they see us as siblings. They’re constantly making fun of me for clinging to him like “his little sister” and that’s certainly not a wonderful dynamic to seem to have with someone you’re hopelessly in love with.
So Reddit, what do I do? I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I’ve been desperately pining for my much older friend for months. I’ve tried to look at other fish in the sea, but the only ones that catch my eye are the people who look like him. I’m taking hopeless romantic to a new level. Do I tell him and risk ruining our friendship, or suffer in silence? I’m lost here.
TL;DR: I’m super in love with an older friend of mine and don’t know if I should tell him
15 comments
You met a year ago, which means you were a child at the time. You’ve literally just became of legal age, please do not be chasing a 26 year old guy as it’s completely inappropriate. He’s probably never shut you down as he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He’s pushing 30, you’re a teenager, please leave the guy alone.
You should let him know how you feel
Ask yourself this….
What’s the worst that could come from telling him how you feel? Are you willing to live with the potential consequences if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings?
Also something else to consider…..it’s really trendy in todays world to accuse men of being predators or groomers when they’re with younger women even if all parties are consenting adults. I don’t think your age difference is too extreme but others might. He may not want that kind of thing to happen with his career taking off.
You’re going to get a lot of responses here about the age difference being a nonstarter, but that’s something very local to the Reddit community and is not representative of how people in general feel about that. In the most favorable light, it’s a generalization that some people mistakenly believe applies to all scenarios, including yours.
With that said, in regard to the opinions of your mutual friends, you should think long and hard about doing (or not doing) anything simply based on the opinions of others. That type of thinking has the potential to hinder you to levels that are difficult to perceive.
Think on his side. How will your actions affect him.
Some will encourage you to go for it some will not.
Your actions will not only affect you but also others.
If you’re the 26 year old will you go after an 18 year old?
He’s pushing 30, you’re a teenager who JUST became of legal age. There’s nothing more to say.
I say risk it. You only get to live once and regrets can weigh a ton. If it doesn’t work out, oh well. At least you gave it a shot.
Love isn’t the same as lust btw. You contradict yourself in your post. You rightly say that you’re both in very different stages in your lives but then say you can’t stop thinking about how you would be perfect together. How? How exactly would that work? He seems to have a pretty successful career and you’re only just starting university. Your mutual friends see you as siblings, i.e. your large age gap and your interactions didn’t even blip on their radars that you could have a romantic relationship. Get your head out of the clouds, focus on your work and soon your teenage fantasy will burn out and move onto the next one. By all means, shoot your shot but be prepared for your “friendship” to end.
That’s not “much” older
Enjoy your college years. Be a college kid. Don’t waste these years on a fully grown man.
Life isn’t a novel with a character arc and plot points. Just enjoy it.
>he’s touring the country doing conferences and book signings for his fourth novel and getting interviews and full-page spreads in literary magazines
What do you think would happen to his career if he dated you?
That’s a pretty big age gap
Honestly, I would say keep your feelings to yourself for now. You’re right in that y’all are at different stages of life.
My advice is keep being his friend and focus on your dreams and career. If once you’re at that same state you still feel the same way for him, make your move then. The age gap will matter a lot less when you’re older and have similar experiences under your belt.
Focus on your studies. As you said yourself, you are in different stages of life. So in practicality this would not work anyway. And the big age gap. If you looked at any 26 year old man who dated a 18 year old… would you find it alright? He probably also sees you as a sister and as well he should.
At your age, I would say, it is the hormones clouding your judgement. You will most likely cool off in your Uni… Give it time People chance from their teen selfs so much. So don’t try to date him now and ruin your friendship forever…see where the life takes you first… (Btw. Guys are usually not that great as they appear to be at first, you really have time for that)
Super in love sounds doubtful. You are super infatuated with him, but how can you romantically love someone you never even dated. Love is something you build and develop over time.
Anyway, from my experience, you’ll likely develop a new crush and move on. So either way, this is nothing to keep yourself awake over.
That said, the age gap isn’t that significant. It’s more than you two are different life stages and likely want different things. If you date him, you’ll be joining his story and not your own.
If you still want to date him and enjoy the power dynamic that will come with it, then just tell him your feelings and see what happens. What’s the worst that can happen.
Anyway, you are almost an adult. You are not a potato. If you want to pursue an older guy so be it. But, it’s not going to be a relationship where you guys are equals.