If a man is overweight is that an immediate indicator for women not to engage? I feel as though women look at me in disgust and it makes it hard to date.

45 comments

  1. I’m really sorry you feel that way because it’s not a nice feeling, but no. I do not think size is an immediate indicator to not engage or at least try to connect. Every woman is different in terms of what they are initially attracted to but things like how you treat others, hygiene, style, and sense of humor are other things that you can learn about someone pretty quickly after meeting them that may increase/decrease attractiveness.

  2. From experience I’d say yes. No woman will ever admit it though. This is the age of shallowness and disposable people. Hit the gym if you ever want to meet someone.

  3. Some people aren’t attracted to overweight people, I’ve noticed that men care wayyy more about this, but yeah of course being unhealthy in any type of way is going to be a negative for some people.

  4. Only people stop people from having a connection with people — so I say NO. People have their preferences, and naturally may not want to engage with someone overweight. But there’s people out there who won’t mind and will be down to date in a heartbeat 🖤.

  5. As someone who is overweight but is otherwise completely healthy, I find that initial impressions are horribly difficult. People NEVER swipe on me in dating apps which is totally fine, that’s definitely a looks-based platform which I recognize I’m not like super good for.

    Frankly, the biggest issue my weight has had for my dating life is my confidence. I’ve dated two people while overweight and they didn’t have much of a problem with it, but I do which leads to me not dressing as stylish as I might like or not putting myself out there because I feel gross or like I don’t fit.

    So while I definitely would say its a way bigger part than people make it out to be (the body positivity movement hasn’t exactly hit men yet and I doubt it will anytime soon) the biggest factor is self-image. If you feel like you’re disgusting it’s hard to make an impression on people.

  7. Well how overweight? I want to have fun sex and be into eachother. I want us to go out and get dressed up sometimes- feel cute and take pics. I want to travel and go to concerts and all kinds of things.

    I’m not that skinny myself. And I’m definitely not a health nut. But someone too overweight will not be the partner I want. That’s not a shallow thing. It’s the life I want. And I want to live as long as I can with them while we do these things too.

  9. Looks are the door to alot of connections. Everyone says first impressions are the most important, and everyone equates that with the first words that come out of your mouth, but in reality, its when they look at you first. Physical attraction is important for any type of romantic engagement. So looks are really what makes most people wanna take a step through that door, not everyone, but being overweight does hinder a lot of physical attraction. But thats just my opinion, others may differ.

  11. I don’t think it’ll stop you from connecting but it’ll make dating more difficult. Dating is tough as it is and, depending on how overweight we’re talking, you’re in for an uphill battle. Are there overweight people who do well in dating? For sure. But would dating be easier for most people if they were in relatively healthy shape? Most likely. And would it be easier for you personally? Probably.

    I will add though that, even though I believe looks are a necessary component for the vast majority of relationships and dating and that getting in better shape will make a difference in that area, getting in better shape is not a fix all for this area and not sufficient on its own. Without a good personality paired with a good appearance, it won’t matter how in shape you are in. Simultaneously, having a good appearance and good personality won’t matter much if you don’t put yourself out there much.

    So the reality is getting in shape won’t make your dating life any better by itself if you’re lacking in other areas. But if you have a solid personality, have a reasonable amount of confidence and are capable and socially savvy enough in your interactions with people in general, as well as with women in particular, then yes I do believe getting in better shape will make a relatively big difference and make it easier for you. Looks may not matter as much to women as they do men, but they still do matter. And the point of searching for dating advice is to look for answers that’ll make dating easier for you, not to try and be successful on hard mode. Therefore, improve in all areas. Don’t need to be a 10 in either looks or personality thankfully. But you need to be pretty solid in both and everyone has the capability to do and become just that. Hope my answer helps.

  12. I dont look at someone obese and feel disgust. But I won’t date him. I’m not attracted to that physically or mentally.

    But there are women who are.

    You can find someone as you are now if you have a good personality. And if you get healthy then you will have even more options

  13. Umm nope…if u smell good and well groomed them u should be good. I know tons of girls that been with bigger guys.

  14. Looks matter, and it demonstrates effort, it takes a lot of work to stay healthy, as a fit man, I would never date a fat girl.

    I was chubby when I was younger, you got this man, hit the gym.

  15. No, my phobias regarding intimacy and my ongoing struggles with my self image do.

  16. I’ve been 450 pounds at one point in my life. I still dated, frequently. It’s all about confidence

  17. I’ve dropped a lot of weight to improve health and appearance and it hasn’t changed anything. Still can’t get more than one match a month, can’t find anyone interested in person, haven’t been on a date in six months.

  18. Depends on how overweight. 20-30 lbs would be OK for me, as long as he carries it well. If he looks like 9 months pregnant or morbidly obese, that’s a hard no.

  19. It depends on how overweight you are.

    Being a little chubby is not much of an issue. Anything more than that is a deal breaker. I am not a fitness junkie but I take pride in my health and our lifestyles wouldn’t match.

    Obesity just isn’t attractive, sorry.

  20. Worth asking yourself if you’re projecting in any of your interactions. I think you’d be surprised how many women would be open. Many that I know (ranging in size from petite to overweight themselves) gravitate towards bigger men. It isn’t easy, but try to be confident. Present yourself in a way that you think makes you look good.

  21. I’m overweight (BMI used to be 36, now 32 and going down), I had issues meeting women, not because I was being rejected but because I hated my body so much I could not imagine even trying to meet anyone.

    Without pursuing anything or anyone, 2 women (a friend and a colleague) told me pretty much out of the blue they loved me (romantically). Another colleague invited me on a date and made it pretty clear she wanted to sleep with me (but I didn’t see that at the time).

    So, not all women are repulsed by overweight men.
    Actually, women tend to care less for looks than men. Of course, the better the looks, the better your chances.

    I’d suggest working on yourself to lose weight.
    Since the above experiences, I lost 35 lbs so far and I can safely say I’ve never been that happy. Stepping on my scale every few days is a blissful experience.

  22. There’s someone for everyone. Plenty of overweight people find love! I even have a morbidly obese friend who’s literally in a polyamorous relationship. People’s interests greatly vary, so it all really depends on the individual. You won’t be everybody’s favorite flavor, but you’re _somebody’s_.

  23. I’m an overweight woman and my weight has fluctuated. I’m a plus sized model so obviously I’m attractive enough to get booked for modeling work. But it’s like if I’m fat over a certain point, men don’t notice me. My weight has crept up recently to the point that I’m concerned it is going to impact me professionally if I don’t get it under control soon.

    My point is this goes both ways and applies to all genders. Somewhat overweight seems to be fine but there’s a point most people stop finding overweight people attractive

  24. Okay, I’ll start by saying that every person deserves love no matter of their weight, appearance, etc. so long as they are somewhat of a good person.

    That being said, I personally would never date a guy who was overweight, and heres why: to me, that tells me that this person doesnt know how to take care of themselves, doesnt prioritize their health, and doesnt enjoy being active. As someone who has a heart and vascular condition, these habits are vital characteristics for me and therefore I want someone who has them as well.

    However, there are definitely a lot of people who go for the “more cushion for the pushin’ ” vibe, so dont lose hope!

  25. As a woman — a lot of us find overweight men attractive. After all the dad bod is “in.” However not all women think this way. It’s the same for women. As a plus sized woman I get bypassed or friend zoned or looked at in disgust as well. It makes it hard to date, but there are people out there that don’t mind. It’s just a matter of finding them.

  26. Personally I wouldn’t have intentions to date but if ur a cool person & I like you I’ll talk & be friends

  27. You know the answer. You’re asking because change is hard and you want to hear people say physical attractiveness doesn’t matter.
    There’s a constant sentiment that only two roads exist, change because you hate yourself, or love yourself for exactly who you are now.
    You can love yourself and seek to improve at the same time. Love who you are, enjoy every day. Hit the gym, improve your diet. For dating, for yourself, for your joints. Self love and self acceptance doesn’t have to prevent you from seeking self improvement.

  28. Nope weight doesn’t matter, some girls like big guys and some guys like big girls. I look for personalities over looks any day. You can bet a 10/10 on looks and have a shitty personally and that’s a 0/10. If they don’t like you for who you are then they are not with your time at all. This is also coming from a plus size women btw and I’ve had a lot of people look past my weight and I also don’t judge. Big guys are the best to snuggle with by far!

  29. Please eat breakfast and get enough protein!!!! I can’t believe how many men with high powered jobs don’t know this.

  31. i’ve noticed that it does for the most part, especially since the move to chicago. it doesn’t help that i’m a cope eater, so i eat a lot when i’m sad like most people probably drink a bunch.

    so i don’t go out much or talk to many people cause of it but i also have begun to dislike the gym at this weight because as much as people like to say they don’t, they most definitely are judging you at the gym and it makes it hard to gather up any motivation to work out.

  32. Honestly it depends on the person and their preferences. I’ve never had a problem with how a person looks. I’ve dated plus size men and model looking men. The ones that always treated me the best was the plus size men.

  35. I’m willing to give anyone a chance as long as they are a good person. I’m big myself so I get looked over for that as well or guys think because I’m a big girl they can treat me like shit.

    Normally women are more accepting of men who are overweight (don’t listen to people who say that’s not true). Maybe you are just having bad luck? If you want to lose weight you should do it for you and not just to find someone. Someone should like you for you, looks are only bonus points because they don’t last forever.

  36. It’s depends on the type of people you’re talking to. I’m a 23F and am not attracted to men that are notably overweight but I am also an avid gym goer so that’s probably why that preference exists. There is someone out there for everyone.

  38. Ugh… so many harsh comments. I would rather date someone who is comfortable in their skin more than anything. Instead of someone like me… with an eating disorder who always feels like a fraud in a skinny body. This society is way too vapid. Someone would find you attractive… but it may take some real looking. Unless you are being way too picky yourself. That’s another story. For me, I’ve always been told I am pretty. But I always look for personality above all else. I dated your typical alpha attractive male… and was so miserable. Seems like those types are way too into themselves for my liking. I’m sure you don’t have to change yourself to find someone!

  39. A lot of us do not act like men and focus our entire relationship based off body type

  41. I wouldn’t care personally, but I lead a very active lifestyle, so as long as the boy can keep up then we’re cool and his weight wouldn’t bother me.

  42. Honestly- personally yes. I’m not looking for a guy to be ripped, he doesn’t have to go to the gym. The last guy I dated never stepped foot in a gym, but he ate sensibly and walked a lot so although he had a “soft” body it wasn’t overweight. I’m very slim and petite and I wouldn’t date a guy who was clearly overweight. That’s just me!

  43. The biggest cliche is there is someone for everyone, sadly this isn’t true. The ones who push this need to stop, makes those that aren’t going to find someone have false hope. There will always be people who will end up alone.

  44. There are women who are into skinny guys, normal guys, big guys.

    Confidence is key, then it’s gonna work.

  45. I’ve been 130lbs and I’ve been 330 lbs. Neither hindered my dating life nor enhanced it. Currently 275lbs and with my fiancé and we’re the happiest we’ve been. I have lost weight for me, not my dating life. It has not inherently made me more attractive to my partner, but it has to myself, and really that’s all that matters 🙂 Hope this helps.
    Btw, if you really want to lose weight try Lyra or Aerial Silks. I cross train with Pole Dance and Lyra and have built a lot of muscle 🙂

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