Hello, I am very new to Reddit, so I apologise if anything I write doesn’t make sense. I have never been in a situationship/had a mutual understanding. I also have severe anxiety (more on this later). He has never been in a situationship either. This is all pretty new to us both.
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I was walking home at around 6:00 pm. The sun was already set, and the only lights that were around me were the headlights of cars driving by. My phone flashlight wasn’t enough to help me see where I was walking. The bus stop is around the corner and down a street, so I messaged and asked if I could call for a bit while I walked home. I felt very uneasy as I don’t like being out at night when the sun is down (I have a fear of the dark). He knows that. When I asked, he said *’I mean… we could… but I have to leave in a minute’*. He had a meeting he needed to go drive to. I said *’Ok dw then’* and he messaged back saying he was leaving. My anxiety brain is making me think that he doesn’t care if I felt scared or if he wasn’t bothered to make sure I got home safe. I guess it was the wording of ‘*I mean…’* that threw me off. I kind of expected a ‘*Message when you get home*’ or ‘Sorry I can’t’ sort of text, but it was just left at that. I understood that he needed to be somewhere, but I didn’t think I was asking for that much, and the walk wasn’t long enough that he was gonna be late for his meeting if he did call. Is it stupid for me to expect him to call or at least message to check up on me? Is it an unrealistic expectation to expect him to take 1 minute to call?
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TL;DR: I wanted my situationship to call me while I was scared walking in the dark back home. He said he couldn’t even though I felt like he could’ve. He didn’t check up on me or anything. The wording of his message threw me off.
5 comments
It’s not stupid. But it’s also perfectly reasonable that he’d be busy and unable to talk right that second. Its also something that I’d expect from a boyfriend, not from someone I was casually dating. You (attempting to) rely on him so heavily could’ve made him feel uncomfortable depending on your dynamic. Is there no one else you could’ve called?
Don’t be in ‘situationships’ because you’re just going to be used. Find an actual boyfriend.
Not stupid at all, my now partner and I, when we were only starting to test the waters in dating, she drove down to see me, a few towns away maybe about 35 mins drive, mostly motorway. One night she calls me on the way back (hands free ofc) because a massive snowstorm started “just in case” – that 35 minute journey turned into a 2.5 hour journey of her doing maybe 5-10mph on the motorway because of low visibility and traffic backed up for miles. She wasn’t scared, she just wanted to know someone was on the phone with her and knew roughly where she was because the terrain was so dangerous.
It’s a no brainer. If you’re scared, and this isn’t even a “I care about you” thing, it’s a basic human decency thing. If someone’s scared and you can help alleviate that in some way. You do.
If you want someone to check up on you, get out of “situationships” and get yourself a partner.
I think it’s kind of stupid to be putting a lot of expectations on him without good communication. He was willing to call you, and you told him not to worry about it. So he didn’t worry about it. Don’t tell someone not to worry about it when you actually want them to go ahead and do the thing they’re offering to do.
You need to actually say what you mean, and ask for what you want, and share openly about your expectations. And also, realize that someone you are in a casual relationship with probably won’t place the same priority as on you as a boyfriend.