So if you talk to me in person, one-on-one, I’ll come up as a great person. I can carry the conversation with you for hours without any problem. I feel very confident when i just have to talk to a person even if its a stranger.
But for some reason if we were in a group togther i’ll be the most silent. I’ll be laughing at everyone’s joke. Not making any comments. Not saying much. Sometimes i just repeat what another person just said just to letting people know “i am here” or before they hit me up with another “Why are you so silent bro or you don’t talk much, do you? “.
Now check this, i mostly hangout with 3 of my friends, so we are group of four. Around them i am so confortable that i can literally do anything without having a sense of shame or regret. I can make a bad joke and laugh it off (sometimes it does get awkard, but you know what i mean)
I don’t know why this is situation with me, may be i don’t open up unless I am not sure about a person or maybe I think people wouldn’t find my jokes funny enough or i’ll stumble when I speak and everyone will laugh at me. (which is my worst nightmare, everyone laughing and pointing at me)
Any suggestions or tips would be great.
5 comments
First op, I feel this. For me, I never really felt a persistent sense of safety and security growing up at home. This led me to care a lot about what people thought about me and I was scared of judgement. I still am in groups but trying to work on it. Second, I think you may have answered your own question here. If someone’s worst nightmare is everyone pointing and laughing, what is the best way to avoid this scary potential? Not saying anything at all! They can’t laugh at me if I don’t say anything that could be laughed at. You sound afraid, OP. Now to improve- Get to the bottom of this fear. How did you learn to be afraid of this potential outcome, and why does it scare you? Try to get to understand and know the fear. Then, challenge it, and reality test the fear, and be patient with yourself as you do this. Say what you are thinking without filtering it. See what happens. Good luck op!
Yeah im the same Im best with one on one can do 2 but anymore and its next to impossible. I think I know why Ive caught myself trying to judge and gauge everyone in the group so I can measure my own responses, which for one person is fine but with any more and its too much and to fast so I end up just silent
It’s ok to not talk all the time in the group. When you’re comfortable enough, you will. If the people you’re hanging with can’t accept that they are not your people.
Harpo Marx, the silent member of the Marx Brothers, writes about being the quiet one even when he hung out with some of the most famous actors, political and literary figures of the day. Everyone seemed to love Harpo.
His autobiography is called “Harpo Speaks.”
He said that most people just want to talk, especially about themselves. So a person who just listens is often the most valuable person in the group.
Great book, BTW. I highly recommend it. Watch a few Marx Brothers movies and give it a read.
Ack this happens with me too! Even in a small group I feel like I struggle to jump in at the right time. A group of three or four is my most comfortable I think