TW eating disorder. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months and tonight she confided in me about how she doesn’t like her body and actually struggles with binging and purging and that she hadn’t been able to keep anything down all day. This really surprised me but I was trying to be really gentle with her and not push her and just be supportive. We talked about how she gets anxiety when she doesn’t think a food is healthy or if it’s not low calorie enough (which she said she feels that anything more than 200 is too much) and that causes her to throw it back up. I think she’s extremely beautiful and that she was before she lost weight too, but she said she feels like if she was more proportionate she wouldn’t feel this way.
She is a more a top heavy woman and admittedly doesn’t have much of a butt happening but none of that matters to me. I think shes stunning and it’s never really crossed my mind that she’s not hot or something because of her small butt and belly. If anything I think her having a little belly and love handles drives me nuts. She thinks they both make her ugly.
Is there anything I can say to make her feel better about her body? Or at least support her while she’s going through this and working through it with a therapist?
TLDR: I found out today that my girlfriend has an eating disorder and I want to support her as best as I can and help her feel better about her body. I would like some advice on how to do that
7 comments
Tell her she could always get plastic surgery if she is not happy.
The best thing you can do is not make any comments on her body at all and instead compliment the non-physical things you love about her. Examples: her sense of humor, intelligence, creativity, generosity… she’s more than just her body, and presumably, you love her for more than just her body. Make sure she knows that her worth is tied to so much more than her weight.
Is your girlfriend in therapy or some other kind of eating disorder treatment? I think the best way to support her is to make sure she gets the necessary care.
Is she in therapy? One generally needs therapy to help them fully get over a serious eating disorder.
If she’s throwing up after eating she needs professional help. I think the best thing to do is try to compliment her as much as you can but don’t focus your compliments on her body.
This is what happens when people get programmed into thinking that anyone outside of her should ever have their opinions taken seriously.
She could be the skinniest girl ever and she still won’t be satisfied or will find something else to compare herself with.
Let her figure it out herself. You can’t help her no matter how many times you tell her she’s beautiful.
She needs to only care about what she feels about herself and understand that even if she got all the plastic surgery, she’s going to always compare herself.
Maybe get her to see that eventually one day, she’s going to grow old. Naturally by then, attempting to look good or even compare yourself will be an impossible battle to win.
What will she do then? One day she will need to accept herself the way she is.
Whether it’s today or when she’s 65, it must be done. The longer she spends comparing herself, the harder it becomes later on.
It’s so sad to see how easily some people fall victim to these programming and become obsessive.
They just can’t overcome that negative self talk and choose to subscribe to some mainstream programming that they think is so important. Even if she reached the weight she wants, she will still lack confidence with a low self worth and self esteem.
If that’s the case, what’s the point? It’s not like a guy would really find her that more attractive after the loss in weight.
You should go focus on yourself man. Her negative self talk energy is only going to bring you down and impact how you feel, since you will feel helpless because there’s nothing you can say or do.
Agree with the comments saying don’t make any comment on her body at all. Positive or negative, it all feeds the same obsession. Comment on non-physical traits, or ability. If you do a sport or hobby together, “you crushed that tennis round!” Is as close to physical as is safe. You can strongly encourage therapy, but it only works if she wants to go and change. Really resist any attempt to engage with this behavior, including telling her what to do or not do. This is more about perception and control than anything, and you trying to weigh in will continue messing with her perception of her own agency over her body