Although I don’t orgasm from penetrative sex, I still find it pleasurable to do it with my partner. I also enjoy kissing and touching. Just because I don’t orgasm I still enjoy that connection and it is still pleasurable when he touches or kiss me. The goal of sex and intimacy to me is never about achieving orgasm. I still feel pleasure from things we do together without orgasm. A lot of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax and unfortunately that is my anatomy and I’m in that group of women 😞. As much as I would love to cum vaginally, it just doesn’t happen for me. I need more clitoral stimulation to cum. It makes me feel sad that he thinks kissing and touching me is a waste of time now just because I don’t orgasm. It shouldn’t feel like work to want to kiss or touch each other. I just feel like a tool that he uses to achieve his orgasm since all he wants is for me to give him blowjobs. I think kissing and touching are very basic levels of intimacy in a relationship and those are my needs in order for the relationship to work. Foreplay shouldn’t be viewed as a waste of time regardless of whether orgasm is achieved. I can’t find it pleasurable to give blowjobs if he doesn’t reciprocate in some other form of intimacy. Are there other women out there like me? I can’t help but feel broken.

*Update*
Thank you for everyone’s comments and support. I wasn’t expecting to get so many of them. It makes me feel better to know there are a lot of women out there like me who need clitoral stimulation to cum and enjoy piv without orgasm. It helps to know I’m not alone. This means a lot to me. I’ve tried talking to my partner and he’s just more upset saying I’m belittling his manhood for rejecting his needs for blowjob and I’m depriving him of a basic human need 😢he says he agrees to all my requests for foreplay but his actions says otherwise. He’s expressed he can’t even come hard for me anymore. It is difficult but I believe our relationship may come to an end. It is a scary step as we are so emotionally invested in this relationship. This is the first relationship I’ve been in where I’ve moved in together with someone 😞. I’ve always saw him as my constant rock of support in everything that I do.

27 comments

  1. Many – perhaps most – women orgasm only through very direct clitoral stimulation.

    If you’re not comfortable being that direct, try a more playful approach and tell him that you want to play a game where his challenge is to get you as wet and aroused as possible. The rules: He has immediate access to every inch of your bod, but may use only his hands and mouth to touch you. Once he sees the results of his efforts (a horny-as-hell girlfriend), he probably won’t want to forgo foreplay in the future.

    Male desires for orgasm-to-order are often based on simple inexperience, poor technique, or embarrassment about not knowing what to do. Teach him, and he will be very grateful.

  2. After reading your post from a week ago, and seeing some of the comments there. Yeah, get a new partner. Find one who will actually care about your needs sexually.

  3. What on earth are you doing with that manipulative POS… you need to get the hell outa there… he’s just using you as a sex toy… flee for the hills..

  5. First of all your bloke is a total waste of pussy juice, but just shamelessly smack a vibrator on your clit whilst going doggy and show him what it means to get pleasure in the right way. He might catch on.

  8. You’re not broken, your boyfriend is the one who is defective and he should be returned to the store where you got him. Instead of saying “your pleasure is a waste of time” he should be curious like “tell me more about what feels good for you”. He’s being selfish and you shouldn’t waste one more minute blaming yourself. Most women’s pleasure works like yours.

    If you want to give him one more shot to get it right, it’s time for a serious conversation. Explain to him that you expect some focus on you from now on, X and Y specifically, and you expect him to be curious and open-minded and enthusiastic about your pleasure. In bed, you need to break this new routine you’ve gotten into. Be proactive about telling him how and where to touch you, early on in the sexual experience. Don’t offer pleasure for him as proactively as you currently are. Be prepared to put your clothes on and leave the room if he says “it’s too much work to turn you on, can’t you just blow me?”

    You can try this, but honestly it probably won’t change his mind, and you’re probably going to need to throw the whole man away. I’m 33 and wasted years in my 20s with guys like this, they never learn. In my experience you can teach someone better technique, but you can’t teach them how to care about you.

  10. You are not broken ❤️ never let anyone tell you what you should feel about your own body. That he thinks it’s a waste of time tells more about him than about you. Your description of needing the intimacy rather than just the orgasm is totally valid and is an experience shared by many. I’m an-orgasmic, and have never come with partner, but I still like sex and the intimacy and pleasure it gives me without the orgasm

  11. You mentioned in another post that you’ve been together for five years, but if he doesn’t respect you (evidenced by several things you’ve said about how he treats you), you need to end things. I wonder if you’re operating under the sunken cost idea, where you think that the years of having been together outweighs the issues he is causing by his disrespect toward you. You deserve someone who doesn’t blame you for what he is not bringing to the table in the relationship. A good partner should support you and want you to be happy. Everything I’ve read makes me think he only cares about his own happiness and pleasure, and that sort of disregard for you is bound to appear outside of the bedroom as well. Again, you deserve better.

  12. How old are the two of you? Have you explained the facts of the matter to him, including what you need to orgasm?

    Why are you feeling broken instead of feeling like you need to dump him?

  14. So he wants you to blow him every time before sex and he doesn’t want to hug your or kiss you? That’s not a balanced and equal relationship. If it’s like this with sex it will be worse with other things… dump him! You deserve better!

  15. His ego is hurt by the fact he can’t make you cum exclusively with his magical penis so he’s taking that out on you and treating you like crap. I’d bail

  16. yeah this guy doesnt give a shit about you, have some self respect and find someone better

  17. I would leave him faster then he’d be home from work with a note telling him to blowey himself because your finding someone that you actually can have a healthy sex life with. You deserve to get all of your desires fulfilled. Don’t settle, this is time you may not get back if you continue to feed his ego. This isn’t your fault, he is selfish and you deserve someone that thinks so but you have to feel that you deserve better for yourself first. Good luck I wish you well and the strength to leave him.

  18. I’m gonna sound like an asshole but can u say what do u want him to do like somewhat in details so i could do it to my girl lol

  19. Honey!! You are not at all broken!!! Foreplay isn’t just about getting you ready to cum. Penetrative or fucking not. It involves getting you ready to receive him sure but MORE IMPORTANTLY it’s about building an environment of mutual respect for each others pleasure. Regardless of what the end result may be.

    Many women don’t cum from penetration. My god does this fucker think a majority of women don’t deserve foreplay?

  20. Lemme tell you something, my husband is like that, and I thought I could keep up with not being touched or basically ignored in the bed till we reached a dead bedroom situation where we don’t have sex except once every 3 to 4 months and I despise every single second of it and just want it to end.

    I’m at a point where I hate every touch coming from him, I just don’t want him near me in anyway, shape, form.

    So don’t waste your time with him, he is just a selfish lover, someone who only thinks about himself and his pleasure.

  21. If you don’t orgasm vaginally, and you need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that is what foreplay is for!! How does he think you’re going to orgasm is he doesn’t help you?

  23. You’re fine. Nothing wrong with you. My gf doesn’t cum from oiv alone. She needs clit stim to get there. So I always make sure she gets what she needs to get off. Even so, like you said, the goal is a connection not just the big O. He sounds like a selfish prick, you deserve better.

  25. If his logic holds up equally then PIV is pointless for you and you should stop since it doesn’t make you orgasm. (I say this with great sarcasm)

    He should just rub your clit and not touch you otherwise..

  26. Your post is a lot about him, his needs, what he does and doesn’t want. But what about you? Not cumming through intercourse happens, but we have other ways of cumming. You can include clitoral toys, dildos, oral, fingering, etc. You need to advocate for your needs and him not willing to put in the work will not change. You need to leave.

  27. I can’t help but question why women stay with such men.

    Is it low confidence? You must realize that plenty of men out there would love to kiss you right? What’s the big deal of this one man who doesn’t want to kiss you – you’re not broken.

    We’re women. We only have to be semi-cute and there will be men out there would like to kiss us, touch us, the way we want. They may not want to marry us – but worship our bodies? Yes.

    I don’t cum from vaginal penetration either. Not a big deal at all. Your bf can kick rocks.

    Your view on foreplay is absolutely correct. It’s fun to touch and kiss and lick and taste, and of course, fuck, regardless of orgasm.

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