Idk why, even when it’s a good exchange with a person. For lack of better words: when you’re around others, you give off a vibe. When my vibe is viewed as good or even desired, I still cringe at how I come across. I know others feel the same, what gives?

19 comments

  1. I would guess you’re over analysing things. It happens and it’s normal but from my experience the reality is that barely anybody thinks you’re being cringey.

    And if you are then there are ways of lessening it by practicing.

    I’m not a therapist or a social worker. But I hope it helps clear your head a bit 🙂

  2. Cringe is a perception that only sticks if you act with shame and lack confidence in yourself. It’s not about what you do, or how weird it is, it’s about HOW you do it. Sometimes you want to be the one pushing buttons or challenging the judgemental or introverted crowd around you. Is it cringey to confront things or change the energy? With confidence, it’s cool. With shame, it’s “cringey.” It really depends on how you approach doing something out of the ordinary. And in reality that’s more about how personally you take someone else’s reaction to you, how easily you move on, and how confident you feel regardless of how you’re interpreted. Don’t fear, or feel uncertainty, or worry about yourself, there’s no need. You don’t need to follow other people’s judgement of you, or follow their cue. Don’t adopt someone else’s perspective. You have your own, and you must know yourself deeply. If someone tells you that what you did was lame or embarrassing, ask them why they care so much or why it matters to them what you do. Or just say so? And move on. They fear doing it themselves, whether that’s showing emotion and affection, doing something new, or suggesting a strange place etc. That fear they have is way more cringey than what they’re accusing you of. Knowing this helps to understand that it’s all about their own insecurities and the way they will judge you by the same standard and project themselves onto you. It’s unnecessary. In reality, you being you is not the problem, if you’re referring to cringiness (also known as authenticity). While you may feel pushed out of groups that don’t want to be more than superficial spaces, you’ll end up finding the most ease, comfort, and reciprocation in groups that are naturally more open minded and internally secure in themselves. The difference will be stunning. Even awkwardness, while considered cringe, is not taboo or judged in cool groups like that. Instead, you are embraced and appreciated for trying, your effort is reciprocated, and the energy is welcoming and inviting.

  3. Instead of viewing yourself from the outside toward yourself, experience life from inside yourself looking out. In other words, be mindful and focus on other people instead of yourself. Anything anyone does can be seen as cringey, and if you practice you can choose not to view things that way

  4. I suggest looking into [attachment styles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA). Shame (which is what you are calling ‘cringe’) resulting from a normal social encounter is a pretty good indicator that you have relational trauma in your background. Learning your attachment style will give you a real path forward to healing from past wounds so you can feel whole when interacting with others in the future.

    **Edit:** [This video on Self-Neutrality may also help.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA1i-vLWMbE) She actually talks about your situation and says, “If for whatever reason you developed the belief about yourself that there’s something wrong with you, that you are flawed, broken or not like other people at your core, you are likely struggling with something called a Shame Bound Identity.” She then goes on to describe how that manifests in your mind, and then how to help change that perspective using the technique of self-neutrality.

  5. I walk away from SEVERAL social interactions cringing or kicking myself.
    Personally, it because less frequent and less severe the more I do it.

    Everybody is cringe to somebody.

    It’s like facing a fear
    Your body learns “wait this actually isn’t THAT bad” and it stops being so formidable

  6. Its just how it is. We’ll constantly cringe at our self bc we’ve outgrown or in the process of outgrowing certain behaviour and phase in life. We recognise the cringey moment bc we’ve experienced it before. Accepting that we’re cringe and we gonna be cringe in the future is a form of self-love if you ask me. Its not like we purposely decide to be cringe anyway. It just happens.

  7. Cringe is a judgement you are giving to your actions, you need to find out why you are judging what you do as cringe.
    Maybe something that happened in the past or some kind of trauma is coming back as that feeling.
    Maybe you were judged as cringe in the past by someone else or you did something cringe and you’re afraid of doing it again. Therapy would be a great help.

  8. When you make a change, everyone who meets you from that point on? They only know THAT version of you.

    If you ever considered yourself a loser in the past and you KNOW you have changed as a person? Then you are not acting like a loser in the present day. You fear failure in social situations, you fear someone will call you out? Then add some activity to practice social stuff AFTER an ACTUAL failure. That change, that act of replacing a faulty tool in your tool kit, is enough to make a “new you.” Internalize your changes and externalize them, and then they become changes in truth.

  9. I’ve started listening to self love affirmations to combat this and it’s worked well for me. PM me if you’re interested in what videos I use, but mainly just looking up positive affirmations on YT and listening in the morning or at night before I sleep.

  11. I say embrace the cringe. Make your home in it until you no longer care. That’s what I did. I alienate people much of the time, sure, but I’m a highly opinionated and idiosyncratic guy and I’m not out to make everyone like me. I don’t like everyone myself, some people just suck. I want to incur the dislike of sucky low character people and encourage everyone I meet to do the same.

    sometimes I alienate good people too of course. some appreciate my bluntness, others really truly don’t. it’s fine. I’m not for everyone.

  12. If someone said they wanted to be stronger, you’d tell them to work out.

    Lose weight – eat healthier.

    Jump higher – do these exercises.

    If they only worked out once, or ate one salad, you’d say “that will never work, you need to be consistent to see changes”

    What about self-confidence?

    The Charisma Myth is a book on what to do to improve your self confidence. It gives you a to-do list on how to go about making the change.

    But just like strength, weight or ability – you need to do the work. Read, take notes, apply in real life – then read again, take more notes, apply… repeat…

  13. Here is a tip I often give out to my students. When you are outside. Specifically in those scenarios make make you feel like all eyes are on you, direct that attention to everyone else instead. Because in reality. Everyone else feels like all eyes are on them too. And that is the major cause factor for that cringy feeling. And most importantly work on your self confidence. “You either walk or act like you are the king. Or you either walk and act like you don’t give a fu#k who the king is. “

    Love- Villa

  14. You might not be hanging out with the right people. There are people who will understand your communication style and you deserve to be around them.

  15. You may have social anxiety. Try your best to look into that, life-changing results if diagnosed and medicated.

    Even if you done have it, some of the non-pharmacological tools will be useful for this kind of thinking, so it’s a good way to search for them.

  18. the cringe struggles are like your inner awkwardness has a knack for showing up at the most inconvenient times. But hey, you know what they say: cringe is the spice of life! Embrace it, my friend. Own your cringe and turn it into a superpower. Who needs normal when you can be delightfully cringe-tastic? So go forth, spread your cringeworthy charm, and remember that you’re not alone in this cringe-filled world. We’ve all been there, cringing our way through life’s exchanges. Embrace the cringe, and let it be your badge of honor<3

  19. Then just stop trying. Quintessentially, this is usually when people flock. Be cringey. Mess up when you talk. It’s okay and will happen. It’s all about you showing up again tomorrow

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