So to set some some context, I (23M) have only been three dates with this person (25F).
Our first 2 dates have been amazing (with no alcohol involved). Even though it is really early, both of us have mentioned stuff about the future without any awkwardness. These dates have had the vibe of not realising how much time has passed because both are having so much fun without much gaps in the conversations.
Tldr; I want (and probably she as well wants) this to develop into a long term relationship in the future.
Fast forward to our 3rd date, we have dinner and again the time passes really quickly – so instead of going to our original plan of a bowling follow up (since the bowling alley was going to close soon), she suggests to just grab some drinks and drive to a nearby lake. Since I was driving, I could only have 1 can, while she drank around 3. It turns out she is a super light weight and got really drunk. Despite this she initiated a pretty steamy make out session in the car (also our first proper kiss that was not just a peck).
However, next she started reaching down towards my pants where I stopped her. She questioned why I was denying her and I told her it didn’t feel right that she was drunk while I was sober. I explained that I wanted our first time to be when both of us are in a good state of mind and drove her home. Honestly, I was really into it so it took me a lot of restraint to resist, but ultimately it would have felt too exploitative if I continued.
Having asked some of my friends, both male and female for advice however, many of them seem to think I am crazy for denying her. Some also say she might just want a one night stand and to be careful if she leaves after doing it once. I also now upon reflection am worried that this might have effected her self esteem?
We did message the next day however, and to my relief, our texting seemed to go like normal. We also have a follow up date locked in. She mentioned that she wants to drink again together.
So my main question is whether you think I made the right decision here and if the same situation occurs on our next date, should I just go with it? Some of my friends also say that I should be the one to initiate it next, even if she is drunk. Any guidance here would be great, also whether you agree with some of the previous takes mentioned.
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you made the right choice. this was a me too moment in the making.
You have the next date locked in, so clearly what you did wasn’t a turn off for her. I know every woman is different, to me I would appreciate how you handled this so much.
Nah you did the absolute correct thing here. Being sober while the other party is drunk is a momentary power dynamic in the sober persons favour, anyone who doesn’t see an issue with it either hasn’t been educated in consent or is just pure evil.
100% you did the right thing and if more men had your attitude the world would be a little bit less crappy
100 percent right choice coming from a guy. If you care about her then wait. Plus it probably would have been pretty unenjoyable depending on her drunkness. But Friends and the internets opinions really don’t mean shit it’s your relationship.
Wow your mates suck. You defo did the right thing. You’re proving you re a decent guy. I d take that as a green flag. Make sure to communicate with her!
How about you guys discuss if she’s okay with while she’s sober before the next date? Good move though. Rather be safe than sorry and save yourself a charge
Oh you totally did the right thing. Also just a hint if she wants to drink together again she might be wanting you to be able to drink *together* so maybe see if you can organise that, if that’s something you’re into. Good luck! You’re a good dude
Never have sex with a drunk date, she can’t really consent if her ability to make decisions is altered. You did the right thing.
You did well. If she’s drinking with you like that and is willing to do it again then it looks like she trusts you and for good reason. Definitely talk to her about it before you start drinking next time though because it’s still not a good idea to “just go with it”. Better to stay on the safe side.
My Mom use to come in after drinking and give me and my Sister night night kisses. When I got older I couldn’t tolerate the smell of alcohol on any of my flings or gf’s breathe. Total Mommy drunk turn off!! And as for any intoxication from either side No! I want real intimacy not altered passion. GOOD MOVE!👍🏾
If someone is drunk and the other is not- it’s on the sober party to refuse sex