I’m going to university this September. Most of my friends are moving away, which means it wouldn’t be a struggle to stop contact with them. However, the friend I want to get rid of (who I will call James) is staying in the same city as me, and our universities are literally across the road from each other which means we have a high chance of seeing each other, and James has already spoke about meeting up during our time at university.
My boyfriend (who I’ll call Tom) is rightly very uncomfortable with me being friends with James. For context, James has quite openly liked me since we first met in year 7 (since we were 11) and did up until, he says, me and Tom got together, which is a little over a year ago. When James found out I had a boyfriend, he said he still had some feelings for me and was uncomfortable with the fact that I said sexual things to Tom at a party. James was also the reason I ended up breaking up with my ex since he did everything he could to interfere with the relationship, and said he’d get with me regardless of whether I was with my ex or not. It made the relationship very hard to continue, and I broke up with my ex. James also used to tickle my hips and things like that which I always found uncomfortable, and also asked me lots of invasive questions about my period and masturbation, which me and all my friends found odd. All of these behaviours stopped after me and Tom got together, but they still happened and none of my friends want to let it go.
A part of me wants to let it go since he’s been really good to me over the past year and hasn’t shown any romantic interest in me. Though a part of me is concerned because he does still comment on my looks but I always brushed it off as him being nice, and I don’t understand how someone could get over a 6 year crush so fast.
Regardless, I want to end my friendship with him since he’s made me and other people in my life uncomfortable, and I don’t think everything he says is true. I worry he is waiting for me and Tom to break up.
However, he messages me very often, and has managed to keep a snap streak of 600 days with me which I tried to end the other day, but he used his free restore and is now adamant on keeping it, and given the situation with the universities and how he will still be in the same city as me, it worries me to end my friendship with him. I don’t know how he’d react if I did, since he is a bit of a loose canon and even my friends agree that they don’t know what he could do. How do you think I should break off this friendship with him?
2 comments
> James also used to tickle my hips and things like that which I always found uncomfortable, and also asked me lots of invasive questions about my period and masturbation
Seems like it should be obvious but did you ever express your discomfort to him? Did you ever say anything along the lines of “hey, I dont like that” or “stop asking me those types of questions”?
>he’s been really good to me over the past year
in what ways has he been really good to you?
> he is a bit of a loose canon
what do you mean by that? Is he violent in nature?
it can be scary cutting someone off who is a lose cannon because you dont know how they will react. but it sounds like he needs to go for the sake of other people in your life. I would bluntly but politely tell him that you have no interest in having a friendship with him and youd like him to stop contacting you. Then i would block him so he doesnt blow up at you