So I 27f have been talking to this guy 29m for a little over a month or so, we met online. He has 2 sons by different mother’s, a 6 and 9 year old. He recently got out of a relationship where she cheated, he said she was texting another guy. So the start of talking was slow, which I understood. We sat up a date for one Sunday after I got off work, but I’d forgotten it was mother’s day and asked to reschedule. He was ok with it, but then started talking to another girl. So we parted ways. 7 days later he texted me asking for a 2nd chance, as he thought i wasnt interested when i asked to rescheduleour 1st date and thats why he started with someone new. I said yes, as I believe in 2nd chances. We had our 1st date, it was a really good date. But after that he’d began not replying as much, then he would reply a lot. So like an off and on thing. I canceled our 2nd date, as I felt like he wasn’t that interested. He’d text me like 3 text in the morning then I wouldn’t hear from him till the next morning. I was also a bit concerned dating someone with kids, as I’d never done that. He told me there wasn’t a difference really, which I know there is a difference, as there’s 2 other humans involved and 2 mother’s who have a say in who’s around their sons.
We eventually talked, and he told me that he’d been pulling back because of past relationship traumas. And he explained we could go slow, and I’d be introduced to the kids way later.
I agreed because I really like this guy. We had a 2nd lunch date which was great. Then yesterday our date got canceled over baseball sized hail and a storm.
We haven’t had many in person dates, because we work different shifts. He’s off work for a few weeks though as he got hurt at work. He claimed I’d be getting lots of text/phone calls since he had free time. That didn’t happen much.
When we did talk he was telling me we were exclusive as we werent talking or dating other people. We havent declared we’re dating to anyone, i had wanted a 3rd date in person to talk about some stuff/boundaries we expect in a relationship and what our future goals out. To make sure we’re on the same page.
Then a friend looked him up on Facebook and snooped, which i didnt know about until she text me. I guess he’s following hundreds of different girls, and likes/hearts their pics every sing day.
He was telling me yesterday he couldnt wait to be my man. He was telling me earlier I was so beautiful. Apparently not 2 hours later he was commenting “beautiful” on another girl’s pic. And “cute” on another’s. And liking them.
I asked him about it. I told him I understood we weren’t dating officially yet, but that he’d said he wasn’t looking for other girls or talking to them. And I told him the truth about what my friend did. I explained that I didnt have a right to be mad because we aren’t officially dating. But I asked him not to go around trying to introduce me to his family, tell me we’re exclusive and he doesn’t want any other girl, or how beautiful I am and how badly he wants to kiss me, then go commenting on other girls stuff how beautiful they are. Because that’s kinda sending mixed signals I thought.
His rebuttal was he wasn’t going out trying to kiss other girls. And that if we were dating he wouldn’t go around doing that on Facebook.
And to quote him “If I wasn’t into you then I wouldn’t still be talking to you, I wouldn’t have to wait like this with other girls.”
We’ve only had 2 dates, one of which was a 30 minute lunch at my work.
Is me not jumping into a relationship or bed with him after like 1 and a half dates considered making him wait?
And some of the pics he likes goes back months, when he was still dating his ex. So idk if she didn’t know about it or was ok with it.
But if he was really into dating me, why would he comment on these girls pics? Some of them are in our state, like a 30 minute drove away. And some of them heart his pics back. So it feels like that would kinda be putting himself out there as available still, even though he supposedly wants to be with me.
I’m just so confused and tired today. My last and only relationshi, a 3 year one, ended back in February, with a very narcissistic guy who did a number on me. I explained that to this guy, and he understood why I’d want to move slower. And he said he liked we were moving slow. But then made the comment he wouldn’t have to wait this long with other girls.
Anyone have any helpful nice advice for me? Am I wrong for being confused and kinda hurt that he’s liking or hearting so many different girls pics a day? Why would he act so into me, showing my pic to his mom, then go on social media to look at hundreds of girls showing off their bodies? I get that men look at other girls sometimes, but if he continues this during a relationship with someone, wouldn’t that be considered a form of cheating? Idk.
Hopefully I don’t get blasted with mean comments 😔
Tl;Dr
Guy acts really into me, wants me to meet his family, but then follows and likes hundreds of pics of girl’s on fb, also commenting how beautiful they are, some that live only 30 minutes away.
1 comment
He’s lying to you and stringing you along. You said you two talked and he said you two are exclusive. I’m assuming you agreed to that because you wanted to meet more to talk about it. So with that in mind, why is someone who states he wants you two be to exclusive, texting and commenting on other women’s profile pic that they’re beautiful?
You’ve only met him for a month and went on 2 dates, I’d cut the loss on this dude who is playing games with you. He likes the attention and never had any intention to be exclusive.
His action says nothing about wanting to be exclusive. I also hate how he turns the table around and says he “would not have done that in a relationship” when he a*lready asked to be exclusive.* Everything about him screams ick.
You ain’t do nothing wrong by taking things slow and trying to get to know him. It’s a good thing you didn’t sleep with him. He hasn’t shown any actions that proves he means what he says.