How do u & ur partner handle it???
We’re only 5 months in & he’s practically ran to the next room & conveniently out the door to take care of something when he’s met my friends (one-on-one on 2 separate occasions).
On the double date we had, he withdrew into his phone.
It takes personal effort, yes.
I also want to know how does one support their partner in this?
I’m the social 1 (and can work a room) and he admires that.
So much so that I usually do the talking for us, whether it’s responding to others or working out details w/service staff…he isn’t social, as stated, and it makes me cringe to my core – isn’t a character flaw, but is an issue for me bc of its magnitude.
Bc if he can’t be around my friends (my literal chosen family), we’re going to have to redefine our relationship – I’m active with my friends & his absence is past the point of “getting weird”.
3 comments
He admires it?
So he wants to change or wants to compliment you and do nothing more?
It’s like admiring someone that goes to the gym. They do the work. Is he interested in improving or making a passing comment?
I’ve found my reclusion stemmed from people not being on the level with their personality. It’s just a defensive way to live because in knowing someone you can be yourself without getting hurt. The flaws in it, like with service peeps, is taking things personally with everyone by accident. What he needs to be doing is trying… But heck if I’m at a party I still seek out and hang with the closest dog I find. I noticed my phone was a tick when I was face to face with people I’d flick it out 2-4 times until they felt disinterested. I wasn’t always like this just yah know, bad relationships leave you weird. His phone right now is a defensive totem so tell him you’ll both leave your phones in the car so you can both be more present and support each other during outings. He should slowly learn how to adapt to not having this instant defensive gratification and go on from there.
On one hand, you need to learn to be ok with his “absence” with YOUR friends. They’re your friends, not his, and you need to let him live his own social life without your friends. It’s healthy to have separate social circles.
But in the rare occasions where you do have important friend gatherings, he should be making the effort. He can be awkward, he can stutter, he can be quiet, but looking at his phone the whole time just says “fuck you all, I’m not putting my energy or effort into this.” That’s not the behavior of someone mature enough for an adult relationship.