In your experience, what’s the best way to screw up a first date?

30 comments

1. Murder

2. By not turning up at all

3. I used to find just acting myself was enough to screw it up.

4. By not calling it a date and going in for the kiss at the end

5. Ruined two by having an explosive bout of IBS halfway through and leaving my date alone for 20 minutes.

   Although I married the second one. She was super understanding and did not make it awkward at all.

6. Not putting in effort.

   You dont get a second chance at first impressions.

7. Talking about your ex.

8. When they told me their favorite move was Green Lantern. ✋…check please.

9. Projectile vomiting

10. Asking if her boobs are real

11. Asking when her due date is.

12. Be combative.

13. Discussing politics, religion, and her mother’s breasts.

14. Cutting your ear lobes off with scissors.

15. Getting into an argument, especially politics. Look, it doesn’t matter if she starts or if she has the same overall views as you, just don’t

16. Checking your phone repeatedly.

17. Getting *way* too sappy way too soon – I had an attractive woman who was interested in me romantically, but I pushed her away because past trauma made itself known through hyper-romanticism.

18. I’m not a man, but I once had a guy in college talk about how hot all his exes were, how I was the prettiest girl he ever saw but that I should lose 20 pounds to become to hottest girl he ever saw, told me he didn’t find curly hair attractive (guess what type of hair), and when I said I didn’t think we should meet again he told me I was a stuck up fat bitch that he only went out with because he had nothing better to do. Sure… that’s why he talked to me everyday during class, asked me to eat lunch and study with him, and walked me to my car everyday. Because he had nothing better to do.

    Another guy got so drunk on Coors that he couldn’t speak straight. He said he loved Coors because it was just like water and hydrated you. He also went in for, i shit you not, about 20 minutes about how Chipotle is the best restaurant in America. He then tried to shove his tongue in my mouth and his hand up my shirt in the parking lot and when I said no he creepily whispered, “No, it’s not like that” and then did it again. Not like what?!? Not like you are listening to “no”.

    Another guy once talked about how he was working towards becoming a cop. When I asked what made him want to go into that line of work he said that he thought it would be fun to pull people over as they exit the highways and give them tickets. “The speed limit on exit ramps in 35mph, but most people drive like 60mph! Just imagine all the tickets I could write!” I said, “so your goal is to ruin people’s day as they go about their business?” Through a huge laugh he nodded and said yes.

    I always pay for myself on the first two dates. One guy said I give off masculine energy and should be more feminine by allowing a man to take care of me. I said that my mom was a single mom and had to take care of everything herself and that I want to be able to stand on my own as well and not ever NEED anyone. He told me I would make a shit wife and am probably not good in bed.

    Let me know if y’all want more examples to steal for your next first date. I have loads.

19. Don’t show up

20. Fart.

21. Bring up sad shit. Save that for your homies or at least a year into a relationship. Don’t throw your baggage at her on the first date.

22. To just be myself.

23. Being myself apparently lol

24. – Talk more than “in passing” about an ex or other recent dates.
    – Not ask any questions.
    – Monologue (see above)

25. No matter how cool you think it will be to flash her, don’t do it.

26. Tell them that you’re full on rapist when they ask what line of work you are in.

27. Bring my mother along

28. Recieving 20-25 calls from the teen kid at home… and taking them every time. Yes, she did.

29. I’ll let you know

30. Either case, being open about being bi.

    Really, *being open* beyond the socially-allowed maximum. “Be an open book” only applies when you’re the bog-standard ‘interests are hiking, milquetoast pop music, and whatever food is trendy at the moment’ type