So I’m at an internship this summer and I’ve actually been doing pretty well socially (I’ve overcome A LOT of social anxiety). I have a pretty good social circle going, and I’ve started to become friends with this girl. We study the same things, and have similar interests and sense of humor so it was pretty easy to hit it off.
For the past few weeks we haven’t talked that much outside of joking around with other interns, but lately we’ve been having more long conversations. For example, today and last week we stayed after lunch for about 30 minutes and just talked and joked around. Sometimes she initiates, sometimes I do. But as someone who has struggled pretty badly in the past with feeling like people dislike me, I’m pretty confident we’re cool (as with the other interns).
I’ve added all this setup just to say that I’m pretty confident that I haven’t been crossing anyone’s boundaries. And that things are actually going well. I’ve never gotten the signal that this person was trying to get away from me.
That being said, I noticed sometimes she would be avoiding eye contact mid conversation. She’d have no trouble looking at me when I wasn’t looking, but just doesn’t always hold it as much as most others do. This surprised me, because I feel like she’s a little more confident than I am (granted that’s not much), so I’ve been making an effort to talk to her with less eye contact to avoid making her uncomfortable.
Am I overthinking this? I figured if I was that bad things wouldn’t be the way they are. Could she be neurodivergent? As someone with ADHD I struggle with eye contact myself sometimes. Or is there something actually weird that I’m doing wrong?
10 comments
You’re overthinking this.. There’s only about a 1000 reasons why someone may avoid eye contact. Maybe she’s neurodivergent. Maybe she’s half blind. Maybe she’s just nervous. Maybe she has secret laser eyes.
i don’t think it’s something to worry about. one of my friends is confident and has no problem talking to people, but she usually avoids eye contact too. it’s just kind of awkward for some people
if she’s nd, it could mean she’s comfortable with unmasking/being herself around you now.
Could be she’s developed a crush on you. She looks at you more when your not looking then looks away when you do. It’s possible she has one on ya. Take it slow, keep enjoying eachothers company, maybe ask her out on a date if your interested in her.
You’re overthinking it, don’t worry about it
She’s probably just nervous as shit, cuz believe it or not, having long, deep one on one conversations is an increasingly rare thing and the younger generation is just not as used to it as the generations of yester-year.
Eye contact (at least for me personally) is a very intimate thing, and despite me getting much better at it over the years, I can still only do a couple seconds at a time without completely derailing my train of thought.
Neurodivergent here. I sometimes unconsciously avoided eye contact. I try to maintain eye contact because it’s socially expected/appropriate with communication but makes me extremely uncomfortable.
He must’ve eaten some eye-avoidance vitamins for breakfast.
Oh, Kevin, you crack me up! Maybe she’s just really into staring contests and she’s afraid of losing to your comedic charm!
Well, Kevin, it’s great to hear about your social progress! Maybe she’s just mesmerized by the magnificence of your presence and can’t handle all that eye contact.