Because of my deadbedroom i have a date this afternoon

14 comments

1. not cool bro

2. Have you tried discussing with your wife opening the relationship to allow you to have your needs met? As a woman, I’m not judging… but it takes two to make things work, and if you can say you’ve done everything you can, you can feel good about yourself at the end of the day… but doing this behind her back, will make you hate yourself…. Love yourself enough to be honest with your wife, and break it off before you tarnish your character.. this is within your control if your dead bedroom is not..

3. Also, if you wanna talk, need advice? Let me know, I wish you luck

4. I’d broach the conversation with your wife about having an Ethnically Non-Monogamous relationship first before resorting to cheating… Cheating will ultimately eat you up inside and will end up effecting the relationship with your wife in some way that won’t immediately appear obvious so I’d suggest having that conversation first before resorting to breaking the vows you stood for when you first got married.

   I have no idea what your relationship is presently like, but I’d suggest there may be other things you may need to address in your marriage that are likely causing your wife’s lack of interest in being intimate with you.. ♥️

5. When you get caught (you will), you’ll regret doing this for the rest of your life.

6. Yes you have a right to follow your desires but also the responsibility of dealing with the consequences of your actions.

   Your wife will probably find out somehow.

   You will probably feel shame, remorse and guilt.

   The woman you’re going to see could be a stalker, set on destroying your marriage.

   Either way your set for life.

7. Maybe you should think about this, cancel the date and talk to your wife how desperately you need physical satisfaction and that you even get thoughts of cheating. Maybe you both can sit down and find a solution or compromise that suits both of you.

   But just cheating on her is an ass move.

   If you don’t get to any solution through communication you can level things up by seeing a couple therapist.

   If even this isn’t leading to a solution, you have to decide if you either love your wife so much that you can life with your unsatisfied desires or to get divorced.

8. Everyone is talking about how would the wife feel… but noone is thinking what about their Kids??

   If you cheat you will be the worst example of a parent and a lover for your kids and their future relationships with people.

   Imagine your son is talking to you about cheating On his gf/wife, what would you tell him? Go do it like your papa?

   Go talk to your wife for real, tell her hiw desperate you are and demand seeking sex therapist and marriage counseling.

   Tell her that you have wants for sex and you started to seek them from others. Be honest.

   And if it wouldn’t help divorce, cooporate parenting and THEN you can have sex without much consequences.

   And if you, regardles of what everyone is saying, are gonna think with your dick, I hope everything bad that would happen gonna happen for sure.

9. Is getting laid really worth blowing up your entire life? Your wife will eventually find out, which will ruin your marriage. Your kids will also likely find out one day, and they’ll lose respect for you.

   For gods sake, make better choices.

10. You’re an asshole and I hope you’ll get busted.

11. Stop being a coward.

    Cancel the ‘appointment’, explaining why to the potential ‘date’.

    Tell your wife what you did and why; make it clear why you are at this point

    Give her the options:
    1. Relationship counselling to address your dissatisfaction with things
    2. Some form of consensual non-momogamy
    3. A (monogamous) relationship break to think about life & your marriage

12. Some same your an ass. Some never been there. I have. Do it have fun be clean and safe enjoy it.

13. can’t wait for her to leave and take everything from you.

14. I get that this must be a very difficult decision, and I actually don’t think there is any clear right or wrong here. I don’t often post/comment in this sub (I’m a lurker) but after seeing all these comments bashing you, I felt a need to speak up.

    I’ve never been married myself, but I’ve had hookups with married men who were either stuck in a sexless relationship or going through a messy divorce. Aside from being horny and attracted myself, I also did that out of empathy for them. Wanting to give them something they desperately needed, without judgement. Wanting to make them feel appreciated and sexy again, if even just for a few hours before their guilt and shame set in. Because on some level I just know what a major moral dilemma that must be. They weren’t bad people, and I can’t think of myself as bad for having had sex with them either. But people often get emotional, and with that, kinda narrow-minded, in regards to this issue.

    I’m going to assume that you probably married your wife at least partially because you wanted to have sex with her throughout the rest of your life (in addition to of course loving her) not to get stuck in a situation where you’d be forced to choose between your family and sex. I don’t think this is a fair dilemma to put anyone in.

    If your wife can’t meet your needs, I think it would only be fair you should be able to get those needs met elsewhere. This tends to be the general consensus among people in regards to almost everything in life, but not when it comes to sex, for some reason. Like say for example I wanted to play video games, but my partner didn’t, ever, and if I’d then choose to play video games with a friend instead, no one would bat an eye. But exchange video games for sex and suddenly everyone’s having a problem. Even though playing video games is arguably a lesser need than sexual intimacy.

    Ideally you should talk to your wife about this, but it seems you already have and it led to nowhere. If so, I’m gonna go controversial here and say that I think she’s being unreasonable, and she set you up for this situation. She’s depriving you of a need, what does she think is gonna happen? This is not to blame her, it’s merely to point out that her actions also have consequences. Obviously her consent matters, and she should not be obligated to have sex with you, but then you also shouldn’t have to be obligated to abstain from sex altogether for her sake. That’s what’s unreasonable. And if she’s not willing to work this out with you, well then I can fully understand you’re desperate because you really are forced into an impossible ultimatum here. Either way, no matter what you do, you’re getting punished, assuming your wife wouldn’t forgive you for cheating knowing that she set you up for this. This is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.

    That said, I don’t think you’re doing anything more wrong by cheating than your wife is by keeping you from having sex altogether. Then I think it’s a natural response to seek sex elsewhere yet trying to keep it secret, but the harsh truth is that this is not going to work in the long run. Even if you manage to do it this time without your wife finding out, eventually you’ll want sex again. So either way you’re forced to make a choice, between keep suffering a sexless marriage, or divorce her.

    With that, I think you would generally have a better chance at staying on good terms with your family if you bring this up with your wife (ie tell her that this isn’t working for you, and that you need sex to be happy, either from her or someone else, and that if she’s not consenting, you need a divorce) before seeking sex with another woman. Because that would show that you still care about her feelings as well as your own, and that you want to make things right. She may still not take it well of course, but as I said there’s a higher chance then, compared to after finding out you’ve been cheating.

    Your happiness matters. Your reasons for struggling are not dumb or selfish. Your desire to cheat makes perfect sense in this situation. But your wife’s needs/reasons also matter, and this is a compatibility issue. You need to realize that you seem to have become incompatible with your wife. She cannot meet your needs of having a sex life, you cannot meet her needs of abstaining from sex together with her. You are not a bad guy for this, but cheating would break her trust and thus likely make a divorce about a million times worse than if you sort it out without adding cheating to the mix.

    You cannot have the cake and eat it. You either choose between your sex life and staying with your wife now, or later. Yes, she may “come around” and suddenly want sex with you again, but how long are you really willing to wait for that? 2 years? 5 years, 10 years? Be honest with yourself, and figure out what *you* need. A divorce does not necessarily mean you’d lose your family. Especially if you handle it well and responsibly. Your kids deserve a happy father, you deserve to be happy. You don’t deserve to be shamed just because it’s sex that you need, because that is not a shameful need to have.