Back story:
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. I have an adult son (20) from a previous abusive relationship and we have 12 year old twins together. I have always been a stay at home mom and don’t really have much work experience and I have lupus and other autoimmune disorders that make having a job difficult for me. We love paycheck to paycheck so it’s hard for me to put money away. I want to leave him because I’m unhappy. He is mean and condescending. We have no love life and he isn’t affectionate to me at all. He isn’t a good dad either. He doesn’t even try with our kids.
When I let him he told me he had a past with partying but seriously downplayed it and said it was all behind him. He was 29 at the time. He didn’t drink or do drugs for a while because he knew I didn’t do those things and was totally against it. He developed a very big substance abuse disorder and it lasted for a few years, the first 3-5 years of our kids lives.
I have put up with a lot from him and his using and being a negligent parent and partner.
Fast forward, I am 40 now and he is 43 and we fight constantly. He gas lights me, controls the finances, doesn’t help with the house or the kids. He works and expects to not do literally ANYTHING else. He hasn’t had a driver’s license in 10 years for so many DUI convictions so I take him everywhere he needs to go. I do everything for him and our kids and I’m just fed up with not being fulfilled emotionally and treated like trash. I’m scared to leave though because I have no family and no help nor do I have money to go anywhere. I don’t think this relationship is salvageable since we have had these same issues for a decade and he refuses to work on anything, talk about anything or get professional help. Anytime I try to discuss my feelings he shuts me down and says I’m trying to “start shit”.
I don’t know what to do or how to leave. We aren’t LEGALLY married we just had a commitment ceremony so I wouldn’t get any spousal support and he’s told me if I left him he would quit his job so he wouldn’t be paying child support and he would take the car so I wouldn’t even have a way to leave anyway. I’m trapped!
1 comment
I would try to find a job to start saving money. Then I would find an apartment to live in. Perhaps have your children work weekends to help with money. Then you can move out. It should take about a year or two to do this but you have to stay focused.